The Borg. They are a recurring "alien" race on various Star Trek TV shows. These people are basically humanoid but have had certain hardware bonded to their bodies such that they are a truly fascinating amalgamation of flesh and technology. They are truly bio-mechanical beings that can easily survive in hostile environments that would kill most people. The Borg have existed for millenia and spend their time flying around the galaxy assimilating other races and technologies.
They have a hive mind and each individual that becomes part of the collective adds to their pool of knowledge and resources. So, they have the might and technological know-how of trillions of people collected over thousands of years. The Borg can operate for days on end without tiring, have no fear and can adapt almost instantly to any type of attack, preventing the same thing from ever working on them twice.
These people have nowhere else to be other than wherever they happen to be at the moment and can always focus their entire time and attention to the current goal. It is their belief that given enough time they cannot fail and will always overwhelm their opponents in the end. You may win a battle with the Borg, but you will not win the war. They know this because they have thousands of years of history showing this to be true.
So their catchphrase is that resistance is futile. They have more time, resources and knowledge than you. Eventually, you will either give in or die. And with very few exceptions they are right.
I think of this when people are resisting things that are happening in their lives. Some things can be avoided or deflected in other directions. Some things though are unavoidable, things like the passage of time, the death of a loved one, someone falling out of love with you or the loss of your job once the decision to cut you loose has been made. Resisting and or denying those things doesn't get you anywhere. It often makes you look foolish to others, never makes the situation better and often makes it much worse.
A few years ago, a friend of mine in Lifespring had a phrase that kinda stuck with me. He used to say what you resist persists. At first I didn't get it. But, after some thought it started to make sense. When we spend time and energy resisting something, an equal amount of time and energy somehow ends up getting put into resisting us back . Think about it.
If someone tells you that they want you to stop wearing black shoes and you want to wear black shoes, you will automatically resist their request. You may have ten other pairs of shoes that are not black, but suddenly the desire to wear any other color is gone. You will wear your black shoes because who are they to tell you what to wear? The other person will see your black shoes and whether they say anything or not, their energy towards you will change.
They will likely become hostile or even aggressive at times when there doesn't seem like any rhyme or reason for it. A completely unnecessary mini war breaks out between the two of you over why you should or shouldn't be allowed to wear your black shoes. The whole thing could be avoided by you simply wearing different shoes, or by finding out the reason for the complaint and maybe coming to some compromise. But when we put energy into defending a thing, we are signaling to others, even if we don't mean to be, that we want them to be aggressive. What we see as a thing intended to protect us from attack others often see as a request for an attack, a challenge if you will.
So, while just giving in isn't really a viable option neither is fighting. Resistance is futile. Its just like running from a bear. Don't bother. You will just die tired.
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Beyond Good and Evil pt2
So no I don't believe our choices make us good or bad people. But now for the part where I kind of do.
As children we are all blank slates. We start out from nothing with no knowledge of good or bad with no record of past successes or failures. We are filled with love for all people and all things. We have only one desire, one hope, one craving, to be loved back. And this is where most parents screw up.
When we yell at our children, we are voicing our disapproval with them. To them, when we do so, we are holding back our love or making it conditional on their behavior. Unless we are very careful and very specific we may unknowingly cause permanent harm to both their ego and their future lives.
A typical response to not liking something that a child is doing is to say that they are being bad. The problem with this is that even though you may realize that what you mean is the child is taking an action that you do not approve of, what they hear is that they ARE bad. Everyone knows that good people are loved and bad people are not. So when you tell the child that they are being bad, you are both declaring that they are a bad person and that you do not love them.
Now remember the whole blank slate concept? While an adult is free to decide for themselves what they think based on the input from others, a child has no such freedom. When children are young they have no concept of self other than what we give to them. So when we tell them that they are bad we are telling them that we don't love them and that they aren't worth loving.
An adult can just shrug that off. And to some degree, if it is just something that happens once a child may as well. But with repeated instances of the same type of thing, over time, eventually, the child will agree with you, even if it is just subconsciously.
Once that happens that person's whole life has been messed up. Because they see themselves as a bad person not worthy of love they will, without ever consciously thinking about it, make choices that support that theory. They will say and do things that cause other people to agree that they are bad and not worth loving. This leads to such fun things as drug abuse, other criminal activities, depression and suicide.
All that just from yelling at our kids? Should we let them just run rampant and do whatever they want? No that is really not an option either. So? What to do?
Well, as i said earlier you need to be very careful with what you say and how you go about it. Telling your child that they are bad or being bad is not the way. Comparing their actions with someone that is bad is often a better choice. While it may seem the same to you, it is not the same to them.
Explain to them that the action that they are taking is not a good action and that a person that wants to be good would not take that action. Reason it out and give them the choice of whether they want to be like a good person or like a bad person. Remember children are not idiots. They are simply younger less experienced versions of adults. Good, to them means loved. Bad, to them means unloved and unlovable. Most of the time, if shown proper love and understanding and given the opportunity, they will make the right choice.
So to sum up, our good or bad choices do not make us good or bad people, unless we believe that they do. And that belief is harmful to us because it locks us into the framework of our routines. We are all just making our way through life making the best choices we can, some better than others. Very few people, if any are the maniacally cackling reveling in their badness kind of evil.
It makes for a good story though.
As children we are all blank slates. We start out from nothing with no knowledge of good or bad with no record of past successes or failures. We are filled with love for all people and all things. We have only one desire, one hope, one craving, to be loved back. And this is where most parents screw up.
When we yell at our children, we are voicing our disapproval with them. To them, when we do so, we are holding back our love or making it conditional on their behavior. Unless we are very careful and very specific we may unknowingly cause permanent harm to both their ego and their future lives.
A typical response to not liking something that a child is doing is to say that they are being bad. The problem with this is that even though you may realize that what you mean is the child is taking an action that you do not approve of, what they hear is that they ARE bad. Everyone knows that good people are loved and bad people are not. So when you tell the child that they are being bad, you are both declaring that they are a bad person and that you do not love them.
Now remember the whole blank slate concept? While an adult is free to decide for themselves what they think based on the input from others, a child has no such freedom. When children are young they have no concept of self other than what we give to them. So when we tell them that they are bad we are telling them that we don't love them and that they aren't worth loving.
An adult can just shrug that off. And to some degree, if it is just something that happens once a child may as well. But with repeated instances of the same type of thing, over time, eventually, the child will agree with you, even if it is just subconsciously.
Once that happens that person's whole life has been messed up. Because they see themselves as a bad person not worthy of love they will, without ever consciously thinking about it, make choices that support that theory. They will say and do things that cause other people to agree that they are bad and not worth loving. This leads to such fun things as drug abuse, other criminal activities, depression and suicide.
All that just from yelling at our kids? Should we let them just run rampant and do whatever they want? No that is really not an option either. So? What to do?
Well, as i said earlier you need to be very careful with what you say and how you go about it. Telling your child that they are bad or being bad is not the way. Comparing their actions with someone that is bad is often a better choice. While it may seem the same to you, it is not the same to them.
Explain to them that the action that they are taking is not a good action and that a person that wants to be good would not take that action. Reason it out and give them the choice of whether they want to be like a good person or like a bad person. Remember children are not idiots. They are simply younger less experienced versions of adults. Good, to them means loved. Bad, to them means unloved and unlovable. Most of the time, if shown proper love and understanding and given the opportunity, they will make the right choice.
So to sum up, our good or bad choices do not make us good or bad people, unless we believe that they do. And that belief is harmful to us because it locks us into the framework of our routines. We are all just making our way through life making the best choices we can, some better than others. Very few people, if any are the maniacally cackling reveling in their badness kind of evil.
It makes for a good story though.
Me vs Us versus Them
In this world, we are taught at a young age that it is a man eat man, dog eat dog, everyone for himself kind of situation. We are instructed to look out for number one and not worry too much about anyone else. We are told you have to look out for yourself because nobody else will. And let's face it, who cares about anyone else as long as you get yours, right?
This seems like a sound strategy, at first, as long as you don't really think about it. But once you do, you will realize that it can't really work for everyone. Sure, it works for some but it can't work for everyone. The only people who are going to get what they want are the ones that are willing to beat down or deprive others, those willing to force their way through and take from others so that they can have what they want.
Some examples of the extremes of this type of thinking being the general way of life are places like Somalia and some of the Middle East. You have a few bullies and bad boys, those that are strong or powerful enough to live at the top of the food chain and everyone else suffers. Even most of those in the middle and bottom rungs of society are still only looking out for themselves. They just don't have the will or the means to get where they want to be.
It is not just those places where that mentality really doesn't work though. It really doesn't work anywhere. Why should anyone ever be willing to give you what you want if you aren't going to give them something in return? If you are not looking out for their interests there is no reason for them to look out for yours.
Once you start looking out for other people's interests as well as your own, things start to change a bit. Then it is no longer you against the world. You become part of a team and it is then us against the world. While there are more concerns with more people, there is more power as well. More people can do more work faster and handle more obstacles than each individual alone could ever hope to do. Sure you will need to make concessions and compromises. But once others see that you are willing to do so, most of the time, they will as well.
Besides, the word us brings with it a kind of tingly warm and fuzzy feeling. You are no longer alone in looking out for your best interests. And that, in and of itself is a very rewarding feeling.
Us vs Them is better than Me vs the World. But, it still bears with it many of the same problems, just on a larger scale. In the Us vs Them scenario, it is your whole group vs the people and problems that you encounter that are not a part of "us" Because there are more of you, it is easier to force your way through and to simply push people and obstacles aside. As you do this though, you make enemies of "them". Then "they" are more likely to put up resistance with each further encounter. Sometimes this resistance will hardly even be noticeable. Other times it may threaten to destroy all that you have worked so hard to obtain.
The only really viable way to prevent this is to always or at least whenever possible create scenarios that work for all involved so that everyone gets what they want or at least the closest reasonable proximity.
You may not all live in the same place or have exactly the same goals, but if you are all looking out for each other each willing to make compromises for the other, there is no reason not to work together to make sure you all get what you want.
This way, each time, you fold more and more people into the us category, until you run out of people opposed to you. As opposition disappears and your goals become easier to achieve, Us vs Them will gradually work itself into We vs Nobody.
And We vs Nobody truly is the best system.
This seems like a sound strategy, at first, as long as you don't really think about it. But once you do, you will realize that it can't really work for everyone. Sure, it works for some but it can't work for everyone. The only people who are going to get what they want are the ones that are willing to beat down or deprive others, those willing to force their way through and take from others so that they can have what they want.
Some examples of the extremes of this type of thinking being the general way of life are places like Somalia and some of the Middle East. You have a few bullies and bad boys, those that are strong or powerful enough to live at the top of the food chain and everyone else suffers. Even most of those in the middle and bottom rungs of society are still only looking out for themselves. They just don't have the will or the means to get where they want to be.
It is not just those places where that mentality really doesn't work though. It really doesn't work anywhere. Why should anyone ever be willing to give you what you want if you aren't going to give them something in return? If you are not looking out for their interests there is no reason for them to look out for yours.
Once you start looking out for other people's interests as well as your own, things start to change a bit. Then it is no longer you against the world. You become part of a team and it is then us against the world. While there are more concerns with more people, there is more power as well. More people can do more work faster and handle more obstacles than each individual alone could ever hope to do. Sure you will need to make concessions and compromises. But once others see that you are willing to do so, most of the time, they will as well.
Besides, the word us brings with it a kind of tingly warm and fuzzy feeling. You are no longer alone in looking out for your best interests. And that, in and of itself is a very rewarding feeling.
Us vs Them is better than Me vs the World. But, it still bears with it many of the same problems, just on a larger scale. In the Us vs Them scenario, it is your whole group vs the people and problems that you encounter that are not a part of "us" Because there are more of you, it is easier to force your way through and to simply push people and obstacles aside. As you do this though, you make enemies of "them". Then "they" are more likely to put up resistance with each further encounter. Sometimes this resistance will hardly even be noticeable. Other times it may threaten to destroy all that you have worked so hard to obtain.
The only really viable way to prevent this is to always or at least whenever possible create scenarios that work for all involved so that everyone gets what they want or at least the closest reasonable proximity.
You may not all live in the same place or have exactly the same goals, but if you are all looking out for each other each willing to make compromises for the other, there is no reason not to work together to make sure you all get what you want.
This way, each time, you fold more and more people into the us category, until you run out of people opposed to you. As opposition disappears and your goals become easier to achieve, Us vs Them will gradually work itself into We vs Nobody.
And We vs Nobody truly is the best system.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
What if there is no eternity?
Most organized religion teaches that this life is merely a precursor for that which is to come after it is over. We are told that it is just the blink of an eye as compared to the eternal life that follows. The actions of our short now, will be used to judge us and determine whether the forever that we get is one of reward, punishment or limbo.
Because we don't want the punishment or limbo we are urged to live the best lives that we can. We are instructed to do good things. We are told to be good people. That way we can get the reward. And to that end many people go beyond what is necessary even to the point of putting themselves through great misery and suffering to "ensure" that they get that reward in the end.
There is, however, no proof that such an eternal reward exists. It is entirely possible that this life is all there is with no reincarnation afterwards and no heaven, hell or limbo. If that is the case, then what reason is there to do good things. If there is no penalty for being evil, why not be evil?
Well, the thing is, there is a penalty. You may not be sentencing yourself to an eternity of burning pain, but there is always a penalty for doing bad things. While you may get something good out of harming another person, you also cannot do a person wrong without doing yourself wrong as well.
You may not see it at the time but this is always true. Other people see how you act and determine how they will or whether or not they will interact with you based on what they see and hear. You may get a little bit ahead by having unfair dealings with some people. But others that could have helped you get even further ahead will see your actions and decide they have no interest in working with you.
The same is true of your romantic interests. If you are mean or unfair in the way in which you deal with people that you are intimate with, others will see it and even if they don't see it directly, the person you are being mean to will share that information with others.
A series of such actions one after the other will gradually diminish the opportunities available to you, preventing you from being able to obtain and enjoy many of the things that you may have otherwise had. And even if that weren't the case, whether or not you are willing to admit it, you know when you have wronged someone else and when you have, your conscience isn't going to just stand by and ignore it. It will weigh on you and prevent you from enjoying other good things in your life.
On the other hand, a person never has doubts or second thoughts about whether or not they did the right thing when they do good things. Doing good things, especially selfless good things makes us feel good. Being good to one another creates positive energy within us, within those we do the good things for and in the local universe around us.
If there is no eternal reward for having lived a good life, if this life is the only one we will ever have or at least the only one we can ever truly remember, then it falls on each of us to make this life as close to perfect for ourselves and those around us as we can. Then, if it turns out that there is a reward for the good deeds you did in this life, you get that too.
Because we don't want the punishment or limbo we are urged to live the best lives that we can. We are instructed to do good things. We are told to be good people. That way we can get the reward. And to that end many people go beyond what is necessary even to the point of putting themselves through great misery and suffering to "ensure" that they get that reward in the end.
There is, however, no proof that such an eternal reward exists. It is entirely possible that this life is all there is with no reincarnation afterwards and no heaven, hell or limbo. If that is the case, then what reason is there to do good things. If there is no penalty for being evil, why not be evil?
Well, the thing is, there is a penalty. You may not be sentencing yourself to an eternity of burning pain, but there is always a penalty for doing bad things. While you may get something good out of harming another person, you also cannot do a person wrong without doing yourself wrong as well.
You may not see it at the time but this is always true. Other people see how you act and determine how they will or whether or not they will interact with you based on what they see and hear. You may get a little bit ahead by having unfair dealings with some people. But others that could have helped you get even further ahead will see your actions and decide they have no interest in working with you.
The same is true of your romantic interests. If you are mean or unfair in the way in which you deal with people that you are intimate with, others will see it and even if they don't see it directly, the person you are being mean to will share that information with others.
A series of such actions one after the other will gradually diminish the opportunities available to you, preventing you from being able to obtain and enjoy many of the things that you may have otherwise had. And even if that weren't the case, whether or not you are willing to admit it, you know when you have wronged someone else and when you have, your conscience isn't going to just stand by and ignore it. It will weigh on you and prevent you from enjoying other good things in your life.
On the other hand, a person never has doubts or second thoughts about whether or not they did the right thing when they do good things. Doing good things, especially selfless good things makes us feel good. Being good to one another creates positive energy within us, within those we do the good things for and in the local universe around us.
If there is no eternal reward for having lived a good life, if this life is the only one we will ever have or at least the only one we can ever truly remember, then it falls on each of us to make this life as close to perfect for ourselves and those around us as we can. Then, if it turns out that there is a reward for the good deeds you did in this life, you get that too.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Nice and good. Are they synonyms?
These two words, nice and good are often associated together. When asked to think of the pinnacle of goodness many people will think of someone very much like Aunt May from the Spiderman comics. This imaginary paragon, is poor but still manages to give to charity, goes to church religiously, never hurts a soul, has a kind word to say about pretty much everyone is always willing to help someone else out and is a true pleasure to be around just about all day everyday.
But, other than the going to church part, it is really kind of hard to separate the good things that she does from the nice things. So? Does it follow that being a good person makes one a nice person? Or perhaps it is the other way around. Maybe being a nice person makes one a good person. And, if they are not directly connected, does she do those things because she is good or because she is nice?
She is both. Aunt May is a good person. She is also a nice person. It is my opinion that Aunt May has the luxury of being perfect because she isn't real. Her motivations and actions sync up perfectly simply because that is how she is scripted to be. We'd like to think that everyone is like that. But how many people really are?
At first glance it might seem to be a difficult thing to pick apart good actions from nice actions, especially when the circumstances are all pleasant. Sure it is easy to do the right thing and be a pleasant person in the best of times, but what about when you are asked to do things that are morally ambiguous or worse yet, when you are asked to do things that you know are wrong? Multiple studies have been done with controlled situations, designed to test this very thing.
A large group of people were individually told that they were going to get a reward for pressing a button as long as they pressed it whenever they were told to. There was a control group for whom the test was nothing more. Would they press the button when told to or not. There was a reward and nothing more. When told to, they all pressed the button as instructed. This simply set up a baseline. It more or less told the researchers something they already knew. When there is a clear reward for taking an action and no compelling reason not to practically everyone will take that action.
Then the real test began. An actor was paid to sit on the other side of a wall from the people being tested. The button was hooked up in such a way as to signal this actor that it had just been pressed. The actor would then cry out and appear to be someone in intense physical pain. Each time the button was pressed their anguish seemed to increase. After five or so button presses the actor "died".
What were the results of these studies? In many cases the people who others thought of as nice kept pressing the button every time they were instructed to do so right up to and even after the actor supposedly died. When asked why, they often replied that they were just following the instructions as they were asked to do. In the second world war there was a very specific group of people that had the same excuse for their extremely heinous actions. You might have heard of them. I think think they were called the Nazis?
Whereas the nice people were willing to inflict pain on others for a reward or just to follow orders, many of the people that others considered rebels, those who were rude, obnoxious, stubborn or defiant people refused to press the button once they realized that there was a direct negative consequence to another human being for their actions.
So. Yeah. I see the difference now. No, they are definitely not synonyms. Most of the people that we think of as nice are just easy to get along with simply because they are doing exactly what is expected of them and aren't putting up a fight for what is right. Their attitude is smooth because they are just coasting along following orders.
In a perfect world, the "rules" would all be good things and following the rules would always be doing the right thing. We don't live in that perfect world, yet. But we can create it. Until we do, I think I'll pick being good over being nice. How about you?
But, other than the going to church part, it is really kind of hard to separate the good things that she does from the nice things. So? Does it follow that being a good person makes one a nice person? Or perhaps it is the other way around. Maybe being a nice person makes one a good person. And, if they are not directly connected, does she do those things because she is good or because she is nice?
She is both. Aunt May is a good person. She is also a nice person. It is my opinion that Aunt May has the luxury of being perfect because she isn't real. Her motivations and actions sync up perfectly simply because that is how she is scripted to be. We'd like to think that everyone is like that. But how many people really are?
At first glance it might seem to be a difficult thing to pick apart good actions from nice actions, especially when the circumstances are all pleasant. Sure it is easy to do the right thing and be a pleasant person in the best of times, but what about when you are asked to do things that are morally ambiguous or worse yet, when you are asked to do things that you know are wrong? Multiple studies have been done with controlled situations, designed to test this very thing.
A large group of people were individually told that they were going to get a reward for pressing a button as long as they pressed it whenever they were told to. There was a control group for whom the test was nothing more. Would they press the button when told to or not. There was a reward and nothing more. When told to, they all pressed the button as instructed. This simply set up a baseline. It more or less told the researchers something they already knew. When there is a clear reward for taking an action and no compelling reason not to practically everyone will take that action.
Then the real test began. An actor was paid to sit on the other side of a wall from the people being tested. The button was hooked up in such a way as to signal this actor that it had just been pressed. The actor would then cry out and appear to be someone in intense physical pain. Each time the button was pressed their anguish seemed to increase. After five or so button presses the actor "died".
What were the results of these studies? In many cases the people who others thought of as nice kept pressing the button every time they were instructed to do so right up to and even after the actor supposedly died. When asked why, they often replied that they were just following the instructions as they were asked to do. In the second world war there was a very specific group of people that had the same excuse for their extremely heinous actions. You might have heard of them. I think think they were called the Nazis?
Whereas the nice people were willing to inflict pain on others for a reward or just to follow orders, many of the people that others considered rebels, those who were rude, obnoxious, stubborn or defiant people refused to press the button once they realized that there was a direct negative consequence to another human being for their actions.
So. Yeah. I see the difference now. No, they are definitely not synonyms. Most of the people that we think of as nice are just easy to get along with simply because they are doing exactly what is expected of them and aren't putting up a fight for what is right. Their attitude is smooth because they are just coasting along following orders.
In a perfect world, the "rules" would all be good things and following the rules would always be doing the right thing. We don't live in that perfect world, yet. But we can create it. Until we do, I think I'll pick being good over being nice. How about you?
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Gamer Dreams
In an earlier post I talk about games, video games in particular and the positive effects that they have on the people who play them. ( Video games. The bane of modern society?) For the average person they can help improve things like hand to eye coordination. They can also help with pattern recognition and memory improvement. For people with certain handicaps video games can often be used to help lessen the impact. They can do things like helping the deaf learn to speak.
All of that may be new to most people, but is something that I have known for quite a few years now. A recent article in Game Informer magazine about the effects of video games on the dreams of the average gamer, however, kind of blew my mind. The article says that video games actually change the way a person's subconscious mind works. It says that the minds of people who play video games on a regular basis are different from the minds of those who don't.
Yeah okay, different maybe, but in what way? The article went on to say that the average gamer has less nightmares than the average non gamer. At first I thought, that is ridiculous. How could that possibly be true?
But then, I really started thinking about it. I've been an avid gamer ever since about the fourth grade. And I really can't remember ever having any nightmares. In fact most of my dreams are freaking awesome. I have often wondered why other people have nightmares and I don't and I never really came up with a good reason for why not.
Video games teach creativity. They cause us to practice using our imagination to get out of difficult scenarios. I have known for a long time that they helped me to solve difficult problems while awake. It never occurred to me to think that they would do the same for problems in my dreams.
It does make sense though. For years I have known about something called lucid dreaming, where the dreamer realizes that what they are experiencing is not real and once having made that realization can change their dream at will.
When I am asleep there is very little I cannot do. I often have limitless power at my fingertips. I can fly, shoot lasers out of my eyes, blow things up with a thought and move impossibly large objects just by a few simple waves of my hands. I am never trapped and there is always something I can do, no matter what the situation.
After thinking through all of these things, it caused me to accept that the article may be right. So, having trouble sleeping? Break out the old video games and give them a whirl. And even if they don't work to get rid of your nightmares at least you'll have had some fun in the process and gotten your mind off your real world problems for a little while.
All of that may be new to most people, but is something that I have known for quite a few years now. A recent article in Game Informer magazine about the effects of video games on the dreams of the average gamer, however, kind of blew my mind. The article says that video games actually change the way a person's subconscious mind works. It says that the minds of people who play video games on a regular basis are different from the minds of those who don't.
Yeah okay, different maybe, but in what way? The article went on to say that the average gamer has less nightmares than the average non gamer. At first I thought, that is ridiculous. How could that possibly be true?
But then, I really started thinking about it. I've been an avid gamer ever since about the fourth grade. And I really can't remember ever having any nightmares. In fact most of my dreams are freaking awesome. I have often wondered why other people have nightmares and I don't and I never really came up with a good reason for why not.
Video games teach creativity. They cause us to practice using our imagination to get out of difficult scenarios. I have known for a long time that they helped me to solve difficult problems while awake. It never occurred to me to think that they would do the same for problems in my dreams.
It does make sense though. For years I have known about something called lucid dreaming, where the dreamer realizes that what they are experiencing is not real and once having made that realization can change their dream at will.
When I am asleep there is very little I cannot do. I often have limitless power at my fingertips. I can fly, shoot lasers out of my eyes, blow things up with a thought and move impossibly large objects just by a few simple waves of my hands. I am never trapped and there is always something I can do, no matter what the situation.
After thinking through all of these things, it caused me to accept that the article may be right. So, having trouble sleeping? Break out the old video games and give them a whirl. And even if they don't work to get rid of your nightmares at least you'll have had some fun in the process and gotten your mind off your real world problems for a little while.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Ask before you tell.
"You can only boost a man up a ladder if he is willing to climb"
That's a recent quote I found inside a fortune cookie. And while it may not be perfectly worded it is very true. The people in our group do their very best to help other people whenever possible, but what often happens is we spend a great deal of time and effort struggling to provide assistance to someone that isn't even looking for it.
We each have our own beliefs as to what life should be like and even those of us with similar visions still don't see things exactly the same way. And quite often we get stuck in our own head. We take it for granted that other people see things the same way we do and that they think the same things we do. So with this image of how things should be, we offer to assist others in coming more in line with our vision. But they refuse the assistance and we become momentarily confused.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. There's a whole bunch of different ways of saying it. They all basically mean the same thing. Don't waste your time attempting to help or change someone that doesn't want it.
A lot of people, women in particular, tend to decide that they know how a person, generally a man, ought to be. And with the right manipulation, they think that they can change that person into exactly who he should be.Without asking him what he thinks, or giving him a chance to say how he would like to be, they begin the long arduous process of turning him from the person he is into the person they want him to be.
Typically, somewhere along the way arguments spring up because she pushes him in a direction he has no interest in and often does not have any idea why she is even pushing him in that direction. She says she is doing it for his own good. He disagrees. They fight. She gets hurt because she feels she is doing the right thing He gets mad at her attempt to control him.
Her vision and his vision are different. If they sat down and talked about it, there's a chance they could unify their visions and work towards the same goal. But as long as she has a secret agenda that he knows nothing about she is going to want him to change in ways that he has no interest in and he is not going to understand why she is offering. People are the way they are because it is how they want to be. You are not going to get a person to change without them agreeing to, without them deciding for themselves that change would be good.
The problem here comes from assuming that one knows what is best for another. And that is something that is very rarely ever true, at least where adults are concerned. If you want to assist a person first find out if they are open to assistance. Ask questions. Be clear on what it is that they want and what it is that they do not want. If they do not want coaching, guidance or support your efforts to provide those things are guaranteed to fail. If they do not want to change, don't try to change them.
That's a recent quote I found inside a fortune cookie. And while it may not be perfectly worded it is very true. The people in our group do their very best to help other people whenever possible, but what often happens is we spend a great deal of time and effort struggling to provide assistance to someone that isn't even looking for it.
We each have our own beliefs as to what life should be like and even those of us with similar visions still don't see things exactly the same way. And quite often we get stuck in our own head. We take it for granted that other people see things the same way we do and that they think the same things we do. So with this image of how things should be, we offer to assist others in coming more in line with our vision. But they refuse the assistance and we become momentarily confused.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. There's a whole bunch of different ways of saying it. They all basically mean the same thing. Don't waste your time attempting to help or change someone that doesn't want it.
A lot of people, women in particular, tend to decide that they know how a person, generally a man, ought to be. And with the right manipulation, they think that they can change that person into exactly who he should be.Without asking him what he thinks, or giving him a chance to say how he would like to be, they begin the long arduous process of turning him from the person he is into the person they want him to be.
Typically, somewhere along the way arguments spring up because she pushes him in a direction he has no interest in and often does not have any idea why she is even pushing him in that direction. She says she is doing it for his own good. He disagrees. They fight. She gets hurt because she feels she is doing the right thing He gets mad at her attempt to control him.
Her vision and his vision are different. If they sat down and talked about it, there's a chance they could unify their visions and work towards the same goal. But as long as she has a secret agenda that he knows nothing about she is going to want him to change in ways that he has no interest in and he is not going to understand why she is offering. People are the way they are because it is how they want to be. You are not going to get a person to change without them agreeing to, without them deciding for themselves that change would be good.
The problem here comes from assuming that one knows what is best for another. And that is something that is very rarely ever true, at least where adults are concerned. If you want to assist a person first find out if they are open to assistance. Ask questions. Be clear on what it is that they want and what it is that they do not want. If they do not want coaching, guidance or support your efforts to provide those things are guaranteed to fail. If they do not want to change, don't try to change them.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
The truth behind the excuse pt2
The truth is you always have a choice.You have a choice or even multiple choices, in every single circumstance. If a man holds you up at gunpoint and gives you the option of losing your gp or your hp(gamer humor), he isn't forcing you to give him your money. You are free to ignore him, his threat and his gun. If you do, you stand a very good chance of getting shot. Perhaps you could struggle with him, get the gun and shoot him instead, chase him off or tell him to give up his money.
Most people, being intimidated by the person wielding the gun, choose to give the thief their money. They do not want to deal with the potential consequences of defying the person with the gun. It is easier to lie to themselves and everyone else and say that they were forced to give up their money.
Back to the examples above. You did forget to take the trash out. But it was only because you didn't want to do it in the first place. It was not important to you. Regarding the audition, you kept the agreement because you didn't want to anger your spouse or disappoint your child. Plus if you hadn't kept it, it would be your fault if your kid didn't make it into that prestigious school. Unlike the first example, there were real consequences here.
You made a conscious choice. You wanted your friends upset at you more than you wanted your immediate family displeased with you. If that were not true, you would have blown them off instead of your friends. Or course, you didn't really "want" your friends mad at you, but you decided one or the other was happening and picked which one it would be.
Just because we are not pleased with the consequences that a choice we could make are likely to cause, it does not mean that we do not have a choice, that that choices is not an option. It is a choice, just one we are not likely to take. Acknowledging this is an enormous part of being a mature responsible adult and removes the possibility of you being a victim.
We, as people, tend to make the choices that will impact us in the least negative way possible.
The responsible person will state that there are no other good options. The difference is the victim will state that there are no other options.
Most people go to work every day that they do because they want to. Though it sounds funny that is the real truth. But, if you ask them if they want to go to work, the majority of them will, in fact, tell you that they do not. They would rather stay home and sleep in, play video games or spend time with their kids. When faced with the opportunity to go to work or do one of those other things, given the choice of just one over the other, very few would choose to go to work.
If that is true, why aren't there more empty chairs at the office every day? Because things are never that simple. Without money coming in we would lose our homes our cars and perhaps even our families. We work because we would rather have the results of working than the results of not working. In other words we work because we want to.
There is a consequence for everything we do or don't do. When deciding whether or not to do something we fit all the variables we are aware of into an equation and decide whether doing or not doing that thing will produce the result we want or will avoid the result we don't want. Then we act accordingly.
What it all boils down to is, every single thing that we do, we do because we want to. Every single thing that we do not do, we do not do because we do not want to. Any other explanation is a lie.
Most people, being intimidated by the person wielding the gun, choose to give the thief their money. They do not want to deal with the potential consequences of defying the person with the gun. It is easier to lie to themselves and everyone else and say that they were forced to give up their money.
Back to the examples above. You did forget to take the trash out. But it was only because you didn't want to do it in the first place. It was not important to you. Regarding the audition, you kept the agreement because you didn't want to anger your spouse or disappoint your child. Plus if you hadn't kept it, it would be your fault if your kid didn't make it into that prestigious school. Unlike the first example, there were real consequences here.
You made a conscious choice. You wanted your friends upset at you more than you wanted your immediate family displeased with you. If that were not true, you would have blown them off instead of your friends. Or course, you didn't really "want" your friends mad at you, but you decided one or the other was happening and picked which one it would be.
Just because we are not pleased with the consequences that a choice we could make are likely to cause, it does not mean that we do not have a choice, that that choices is not an option. It is a choice, just one we are not likely to take. Acknowledging this is an enormous part of being a mature responsible adult and removes the possibility of you being a victim.
We, as people, tend to make the choices that will impact us in the least negative way possible.
The responsible person will state that there are no other good options. The difference is the victim will state that there are no other options.
Most people go to work every day that they do because they want to. Though it sounds funny that is the real truth. But, if you ask them if they want to go to work, the majority of them will, in fact, tell you that they do not. They would rather stay home and sleep in, play video games or spend time with their kids. When faced with the opportunity to go to work or do one of those other things, given the choice of just one over the other, very few would choose to go to work.
If that is true, why aren't there more empty chairs at the office every day? Because things are never that simple. Without money coming in we would lose our homes our cars and perhaps even our families. We work because we would rather have the results of working than the results of not working. In other words we work because we want to.
There is a consequence for everything we do or don't do. When deciding whether or not to do something we fit all the variables we are aware of into an equation and decide whether doing or not doing that thing will produce the result we want or will avoid the result we don't want. Then we act accordingly.
What it all boils down to is, every single thing that we do, we do because we want to. Every single thing that we do not do, we do not do because we do not want to. Any other explanation is a lie.
The truth behind the excuse pt1
One of the biggest problems we face, as individuals, living in this world is getting along with others. Most if not all of the time this is due to one form or another of miscommunication. There are two main reasons for these communication breakdowns.
The first is the other person does not understand what it is that we are saying. Either they think they do so they don't ask probing questions to clarify the situation. Or they know they have no idea what you are talking about but don't want to or are afraid to ask. So they make assumptions based on what they think it is that you might have meant. And then things get screwed up beyond all recognition. That is not what I want to talk about today though.
What I want to talk about is probably the most common reason for miscommunication between two or more people. Dishonesty. In the past we have discussed little white lies, like does this dress make me look fat or was dinner to your liking? We have also talked about the way our minds distort, delete and generalize incoming data, causing us to not accurately remember most of what happens in our lives. (Yay documentation) .
But, there is a third way in which we are dishonest with both ourselves and every other person in our lives. It happens to pretty much all of us, though most of us are completely unaware that it happens, even while it is happening.What am I talking about? I could just tell you, and I will. But first I am going to share with you a couple of examples.
Imagine, for a moment, that you are asked by someone you live with to take the trash out. You don't want to do this chore, especially not right now. You are in the middle of watching a show on the TV that you are very interested in. The person isn't going to go away until you say something though. So, you agree to do it after the show is over.
Finally, it has been three hours since you were asked to take out the trash. The show you were watching has come and gone, as have several others. You are tired and go to bed. The next morning, the person who asked you to take out the trash last night comes to you and begins to tear into you. Why didn't you do what you said you were going to do they ask? You tell them you forgot. While technically true, this isn't the truth.
Another example. You and some friends have been looking forward to a night out on the town for some time. At the last moment your spouse reminds you that you agreed to drive your eldest child, a musical prodigy, four hours to his/her late evening audition for Juilliard, today. You bail on your friends. They of course get mad and want to know why you didn't hang out with them. You tell them that you had no choice. You had to take your child to the appointment. Again, there is truth to your excuse, but it still isn't really the truth.
See, the truth is that in both circumstances, you had choices. In the first, you broke an agreement you didn't want to keep and in the second you broke one you wanted to keep and kept one you may or may not have wanted to keep. The real truth is, we as people, all of us, do what we want and do not do what we do not want to.
Now, before you blast that statement back to the Stone Age, let's be clear on what I mean when I say want. Every single one of us has wants and desires. We know what it is that makes us happy and what its that we want to spend most of our time doing. In most cases however, we spend the majority of our time doing things that are not on the list of things that we want to do. Why is this?
Well, its called obligation. We tell ourselves that we aren't doing what we want because of other things that we say that we have to do. We say that we have no choice in the matter. And that is the simple convenient lie that we tell ourselves and other people. It is how we victimize ourselves. But, it isn't true.
The first is the other person does not understand what it is that we are saying. Either they think they do so they don't ask probing questions to clarify the situation. Or they know they have no idea what you are talking about but don't want to or are afraid to ask. So they make assumptions based on what they think it is that you might have meant. And then things get screwed up beyond all recognition. That is not what I want to talk about today though.
What I want to talk about is probably the most common reason for miscommunication between two or more people. Dishonesty. In the past we have discussed little white lies, like does this dress make me look fat or was dinner to your liking? We have also talked about the way our minds distort, delete and generalize incoming data, causing us to not accurately remember most of what happens in our lives. (Yay documentation) .
But, there is a third way in which we are dishonest with both ourselves and every other person in our lives. It happens to pretty much all of us, though most of us are completely unaware that it happens, even while it is happening.What am I talking about? I could just tell you, and I will. But first I am going to share with you a couple of examples.
Imagine, for a moment, that you are asked by someone you live with to take the trash out. You don't want to do this chore, especially not right now. You are in the middle of watching a show on the TV that you are very interested in. The person isn't going to go away until you say something though. So, you agree to do it after the show is over.
Finally, it has been three hours since you were asked to take out the trash. The show you were watching has come and gone, as have several others. You are tired and go to bed. The next morning, the person who asked you to take out the trash last night comes to you and begins to tear into you. Why didn't you do what you said you were going to do they ask? You tell them you forgot. While technically true, this isn't the truth.
Another example. You and some friends have been looking forward to a night out on the town for some time. At the last moment your spouse reminds you that you agreed to drive your eldest child, a musical prodigy, four hours to his/her late evening audition for Juilliard, today. You bail on your friends. They of course get mad and want to know why you didn't hang out with them. You tell them that you had no choice. You had to take your child to the appointment. Again, there is truth to your excuse, but it still isn't really the truth.
See, the truth is that in both circumstances, you had choices. In the first, you broke an agreement you didn't want to keep and in the second you broke one you wanted to keep and kept one you may or may not have wanted to keep. The real truth is, we as people, all of us, do what we want and do not do what we do not want to.
Now, before you blast that statement back to the Stone Age, let's be clear on what I mean when I say want. Every single one of us has wants and desires. We know what it is that makes us happy and what its that we want to spend most of our time doing. In most cases however, we spend the majority of our time doing things that are not on the list of things that we want to do. Why is this?
Well, its called obligation. We tell ourselves that we aren't doing what we want because of other things that we say that we have to do. We say that we have no choice in the matter. And that is the simple convenient lie that we tell ourselves and other people. It is how we victimize ourselves. But, it isn't true.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Counting to infinity pt2
Next he showed an example of what he called a non countable infinity. His example was the set of real numbers from 0 out to infinity, which includes all of the irrational numbers, things like fractions, and decimals. He asserted that this was a non countable infinity simply because there was an infinite possible amount of irrational numbers between each whole number. If you started at zero, no matter how long you counted for, you would never ever even make it to the number one.
Actually, I agreed with him about this one. This was an example of it being impossible to count to infinity. But, my original assertion was that it was not possible to count to infinity at all. And he never did anything to prove or disprove that. He totally ignored it and just said that the "normal" infinity had been redefined by mathematicians as countable.
As far as grammar and word usage actually goes, his first example basically defined countable infinity by saying it was simply infinity. He might as well have defined a chair by saying that a chair is a thing that you use for a chair. Then he went on, for his second example, to say because this infinity has an infinite amount of infinities within it, it cannot be counted.
I pretty much told him so and at this point he began to get frustrated. He then proceeded to make several disparaging remarks about how I was not a mathematician and as such was more or less not equipped to understand. The sad fact is, I did understand. I just completely disagreed.
Regardless of whether or not one mathematician or a million tells me that there is an infinity that can be counted to, it does not change the fact that the very definition of the word infinity proves their assertion to be false. All infinities are limitless. None of them can ever be counted, whether there are an infinite amount of infinities nested within them or not.
The only difference between the first and the second example he provided to me is that on one of them you would be making progress in whole numbers and on the other you would never reach the next whole number. With both you would die thousands of years before even making a small dent in the work of reaching towards the far end of the endless stream of numbers. I did not disagree with him that they were different. I just disagreed that either one could be counted.
My primary beef with the conversation wasn't his fault at all. Well it sort of was but not really. The problem I had with what he was saying was the nomenclature being used. Now he did not come up with the jargon that he was using. But he did choose to use it around people that were not mathematicians. And even though the jargon chosen for this particular thing was actually completely ridiculous to the lay person, he did nothing to fight against it or to attempt to change it.
I can sort of understand him not wanting to argue semantics with the people teaching him, sort of. But when speaking to people that know nothing of math, using mathematical terms that directly disagree with common grammatical practices without precluding his statements with something to the effect that he realizes that the choice of jargon flies in the face of what the individual words actually mean was stupid. And it made him look like an idiot to every other person in the room. He isn't though. He is one of the smartest people I know.
This whole argument/debate could have been completely avoided. He could have said there is the normal infinity that everyone knows about including all the whole numbers from 0 to infinity. Next he could have talked about the infinity that includes both sides of the number line, positive and negative whole numbers from 0 to infinity. He could have described this as the integer infinity. He could have applied the adjective rational to both of these to show that they included only whole numbers. And finally he could have said that if either of them included fractions or decimals that the the adjective irrational would be applied instead of rational.
I am not a mathematician. I am a philosopher. Words are my tools and my weapons. There may be and probably are more infinities but simply mentioning these in this fashion would not have caused an argument. Mathematicians are very often brilliant people. Many of the things they have done have massively improved life for the rest of us. But when it comes to naming conventions for the new things that they discover, they are either idiots or so blinded be their current discovery that they just latch on to whatever seems appropriate at the time and stick with it as the "new" name for a thing and logic be damned.
He was arguing math. I was debating logic. Who was crazy? Who was right? Who is to say?
Actually, I agreed with him about this one. This was an example of it being impossible to count to infinity. But, my original assertion was that it was not possible to count to infinity at all. And he never did anything to prove or disprove that. He totally ignored it and just said that the "normal" infinity had been redefined by mathematicians as countable.
As far as grammar and word usage actually goes, his first example basically defined countable infinity by saying it was simply infinity. He might as well have defined a chair by saying that a chair is a thing that you use for a chair. Then he went on, for his second example, to say because this infinity has an infinite amount of infinities within it, it cannot be counted.
I pretty much told him so and at this point he began to get frustrated. He then proceeded to make several disparaging remarks about how I was not a mathematician and as such was more or less not equipped to understand. The sad fact is, I did understand. I just completely disagreed.
Regardless of whether or not one mathematician or a million tells me that there is an infinity that can be counted to, it does not change the fact that the very definition of the word infinity proves their assertion to be false. All infinities are limitless. None of them can ever be counted, whether there are an infinite amount of infinities nested within them or not.
The only difference between the first and the second example he provided to me is that on one of them you would be making progress in whole numbers and on the other you would never reach the next whole number. With both you would die thousands of years before even making a small dent in the work of reaching towards the far end of the endless stream of numbers. I did not disagree with him that they were different. I just disagreed that either one could be counted.
My primary beef with the conversation wasn't his fault at all. Well it sort of was but not really. The problem I had with what he was saying was the nomenclature being used. Now he did not come up with the jargon that he was using. But he did choose to use it around people that were not mathematicians. And even though the jargon chosen for this particular thing was actually completely ridiculous to the lay person, he did nothing to fight against it or to attempt to change it.
I can sort of understand him not wanting to argue semantics with the people teaching him, sort of. But when speaking to people that know nothing of math, using mathematical terms that directly disagree with common grammatical practices without precluding his statements with something to the effect that he realizes that the choice of jargon flies in the face of what the individual words actually mean was stupid. And it made him look like an idiot to every other person in the room. He isn't though. He is one of the smartest people I know.
This whole argument/debate could have been completely avoided. He could have said there is the normal infinity that everyone knows about including all the whole numbers from 0 to infinity. Next he could have talked about the infinity that includes both sides of the number line, positive and negative whole numbers from 0 to infinity. He could have described this as the integer infinity. He could have applied the adjective rational to both of these to show that they included only whole numbers. And finally he could have said that if either of them included fractions or decimals that the the adjective irrational would be applied instead of rational.
I am not a mathematician. I am a philosopher. Words are my tools and my weapons. There may be and probably are more infinities but simply mentioning these in this fashion would not have caused an argument. Mathematicians are very often brilliant people. Many of the things they have done have massively improved life for the rest of us. But when it comes to naming conventions for the new things that they discover, they are either idiots or so blinded be their current discovery that they just latch on to whatever seems appropriate at the time and stick with it as the "new" name for a thing and logic be damned.
He was arguing math. I was debating logic. Who was crazy? Who was right? Who is to say?
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Video games. The bane of modern society?
Awhile back, I made mention of a video game, Grand Theft Auto V. Within a couple of days of its release it had made over a billion dollars in sales. That is a truly astronomical figure and considering what the game is about some may wonder if life as we know it is being ruined by video games in general.
Don't know what I am talking about? Perhaps you don't have a child above the age of ten in your house. Or maybe you don't own a gaming console. As the name implies most of the series is about grand theft, either of or committed with cars and that's the lighter side of the game. Then there's the possibility of hooking up with prostitutes, having your way with them and then beating the tar out of them to get your money back. Although there is a main story line, the general idea is to commit as many crimes as you can possibly get away with all whilst avoiding or taking out the police.
Video games are certainly making a splash in a big way. Many of them such as the GTA series, are outselling every other form of media out there, including books, television, music and even blockbuster movies.
A lot of these games explore and even glorify the bad things that we do to one another. There are quite a few different gaming franchises where the entire purpose of the game is to murder a bunch of other guys before they murder you. Except instead of murder its called warfare. Semantics.
Are these games ruining the moral fiber of our country? I don't think so. I think it is the parents that allow their children to play these games that are damaging our country. And the problem isn't even the fact that they let them play the games. The problem is that they let the video games do the parenting, instead of teaching their kids between right and wrong.
Many young kids and teenagers today have such a screwed up moral compass because the only moral lessons they have received is murder, maim or mess up the other guy, before he can do it to you. Video games are just tools. While primarily designed solely for entertainment purposes, if there is no other source of teaching, they will teach the morals and ideas that are within them.
If however, we, as parents, teach our children right from wrong, how to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys, and that we want to be the good guys and then don't let our kids play the games that have all of those potential "bad" lessons until they have shown through their way of being that they are on the "right" path, then any game, no matter how violent or morally questionable goes back to simply being a way of blowing off steam. It becomes just a fun thing to imagine, but something we would never do in real life.
When I was a kid, I used to tell my parents that video games had a large range of potential positive effects, things like, improving my memory, teaching pattern recognition, improved creative problem solving and increased hand to eye coordination. They, of course didn't believe me. But when we played the same games I always beat them. Their excuse was they didn't know the game. My reply was to point out that knowing the game had to do with memory and pattern recognition. I got told to shut up.
Since then, numerous studies have been done proving all those things and more can be gained or improved upon by playing video games. I have seen first hand, through my son, about the memory, pattern recognition and problem solving. He is three years old and his favorite game in the world is Lego Marvel Super Heroes. He knows the names of over a hundred of the characters and can correctly pronounce about ninety of them. He knows what symbols on the screen represent the need for what type of hero, remembers who has what powers, who flies and who doesn't. And if there is some mechanism that he has seen work in an area before he knows what needs to be done every time he gets back to that area.
Plus, video games have been used as rehabilitative tools for people with a wide variety of mental and physical disabilities. Is there the potential for great evil in our world due to video games? Yes, but the same could be true of any tool. The evil comes not from the tool itself but from how and when it is used. It would be more accurate to say bad parenting is the bane of modern society.
Don't know what I am talking about? Perhaps you don't have a child above the age of ten in your house. Or maybe you don't own a gaming console. As the name implies most of the series is about grand theft, either of or committed with cars and that's the lighter side of the game. Then there's the possibility of hooking up with prostitutes, having your way with them and then beating the tar out of them to get your money back. Although there is a main story line, the general idea is to commit as many crimes as you can possibly get away with all whilst avoiding or taking out the police.
Video games are certainly making a splash in a big way. Many of them such as the GTA series, are outselling every other form of media out there, including books, television, music and even blockbuster movies.
A lot of these games explore and even glorify the bad things that we do to one another. There are quite a few different gaming franchises where the entire purpose of the game is to murder a bunch of other guys before they murder you. Except instead of murder its called warfare. Semantics.
Are these games ruining the moral fiber of our country? I don't think so. I think it is the parents that allow their children to play these games that are damaging our country. And the problem isn't even the fact that they let them play the games. The problem is that they let the video games do the parenting, instead of teaching their kids between right and wrong.
Many young kids and teenagers today have such a screwed up moral compass because the only moral lessons they have received is murder, maim or mess up the other guy, before he can do it to you. Video games are just tools. While primarily designed solely for entertainment purposes, if there is no other source of teaching, they will teach the morals and ideas that are within them.
If however, we, as parents, teach our children right from wrong, how to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys, and that we want to be the good guys and then don't let our kids play the games that have all of those potential "bad" lessons until they have shown through their way of being that they are on the "right" path, then any game, no matter how violent or morally questionable goes back to simply being a way of blowing off steam. It becomes just a fun thing to imagine, but something we would never do in real life.
When I was a kid, I used to tell my parents that video games had a large range of potential positive effects, things like, improving my memory, teaching pattern recognition, improved creative problem solving and increased hand to eye coordination. They, of course didn't believe me. But when we played the same games I always beat them. Their excuse was they didn't know the game. My reply was to point out that knowing the game had to do with memory and pattern recognition. I got told to shut up.
Since then, numerous studies have been done proving all those things and more can be gained or improved upon by playing video games. I have seen first hand, through my son, about the memory, pattern recognition and problem solving. He is three years old and his favorite game in the world is Lego Marvel Super Heroes. He knows the names of over a hundred of the characters and can correctly pronounce about ninety of them. He knows what symbols on the screen represent the need for what type of hero, remembers who has what powers, who flies and who doesn't. And if there is some mechanism that he has seen work in an area before he knows what needs to be done every time he gets back to that area.
Plus, video games have been used as rehabilitative tools for people with a wide variety of mental and physical disabilities. Is there the potential for great evil in our world due to video games? Yes, but the same could be true of any tool. The evil comes not from the tool itself but from how and when it is used. It would be more accurate to say bad parenting is the bane of modern society.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Stress. Confusion. Chaos. Rushing. Mistakes. Or be early
Back in 2001, I used to do telephone technical support for a living. I worked for the company that handled all of the support calls for Gateway computers. To me, it was very rewarding work. I enjoy being able to provide a useful service to others and got great pleasure out of being able to talk people through the process of troubleshooting and when necessary replacing hardware.
The shifts were thirteen hours long and we worked 3.5 days a week. The people working the early part of the week got the early part of the half day and those working the latter half of the week got the second half of the split day. The changeover was often stressful for many because there was really no overlap. One shift ended exactly when the next shift was supposed to start. If the second shift person was late showing up, the first person didn't get to go home on time. We were "required" to show up for our shift fifteen minutes before it started, but very few people ever did.
Even on the other days of the week it was often chaotic, with people showing up at the last possible minute, or worse yet ten or more minutes late. There was nearly always tons of stress and frantic activity with people constantly rushing around. Frequently there were accidents in our parking lot or on the streets within just a couple of blocks of the office.
People that are always in a rush, make more mistakes. They tend to get in more accidents, are more stressed out and generally have a hard time handling many of the simplest things. I don't believe in rushing for anything, unless it is a real and absolute emergency. Things like blood, fire, and birth, those are reasons to rush. Anything else is just not worth the trouble overall.
Does this mean that I was one of those people that was always late, causing stress and chaos for myself and others? On the contrary, I would always show up for my shift one hour early. I am not talking about getting up and getting ready to go to work an hour before I had to be there. And I am not talking about leaving my house and going to pick up my buddy that worked with me an hour before my shift started. I mean I managed my time in such a way that I arrived at my job one hour before my shift started every single day that I worked, like clockwork,
In eighteen months, I was never late once. My partner on the other side of the week was always relieved to see me because whoever it was knew they would get to home on time. My boss was happy because she never had to wonder if I was going to show up on time. The other employees on my team knew they could always count on me to be there and ready to rock when our shift started.
There was always time for me to get my computer set up, open up all the browsers that I needed for all the separate screens of data I needed access to, plenty of time to make sure all our databases were working. I had time to check the stats for our call center to see how busy it had been or was expected to be. There was more than enough time to make sure I had a drink and a snack at my desk for when I got hungry or thirsty during the day. All necessary last minute bathroom functions could be handled.
In short, because of my habit of arriving much earlier than I was required to or absolutely needed to, while others around my were floundering around in a sea of chaos, I was able to remain calm and relaxed and handle things clearly and concisely. You could make up whatever excuses you want to about why getting to work an hour early for your shift doesn't or couldn't work, but who would you rather be more like? Me calm, peaceful and relaxed, or all the other people frantically scrambling and rushing around, nervous and stressed out? It is your choice.
The shifts were thirteen hours long and we worked 3.5 days a week. The people working the early part of the week got the early part of the half day and those working the latter half of the week got the second half of the split day. The changeover was often stressful for many because there was really no overlap. One shift ended exactly when the next shift was supposed to start. If the second shift person was late showing up, the first person didn't get to go home on time. We were "required" to show up for our shift fifteen minutes before it started, but very few people ever did.
Even on the other days of the week it was often chaotic, with people showing up at the last possible minute, or worse yet ten or more minutes late. There was nearly always tons of stress and frantic activity with people constantly rushing around. Frequently there were accidents in our parking lot or on the streets within just a couple of blocks of the office.
People that are always in a rush, make more mistakes. They tend to get in more accidents, are more stressed out and generally have a hard time handling many of the simplest things. I don't believe in rushing for anything, unless it is a real and absolute emergency. Things like blood, fire, and birth, those are reasons to rush. Anything else is just not worth the trouble overall.
Does this mean that I was one of those people that was always late, causing stress and chaos for myself and others? On the contrary, I would always show up for my shift one hour early. I am not talking about getting up and getting ready to go to work an hour before I had to be there. And I am not talking about leaving my house and going to pick up my buddy that worked with me an hour before my shift started. I mean I managed my time in such a way that I arrived at my job one hour before my shift started every single day that I worked, like clockwork,
In eighteen months, I was never late once. My partner on the other side of the week was always relieved to see me because whoever it was knew they would get to home on time. My boss was happy because she never had to wonder if I was going to show up on time. The other employees on my team knew they could always count on me to be there and ready to rock when our shift started.
There was always time for me to get my computer set up, open up all the browsers that I needed for all the separate screens of data I needed access to, plenty of time to make sure all our databases were working. I had time to check the stats for our call center to see how busy it had been or was expected to be. There was more than enough time to make sure I had a drink and a snack at my desk for when I got hungry or thirsty during the day. All necessary last minute bathroom functions could be handled.
In short, because of my habit of arriving much earlier than I was required to or absolutely needed to, while others around my were floundering around in a sea of chaos, I was able to remain calm and relaxed and handle things clearly and concisely. You could make up whatever excuses you want to about why getting to work an hour early for your shift doesn't or couldn't work, but who would you rather be more like? Me calm, peaceful and relaxed, or all the other people frantically scrambling and rushing around, nervous and stressed out? It is your choice.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Where have I been lately?
A lot of people get sick, a lot. They spend maybe a quarter of their lives dealing with one symptom or another. There's coughing, sneezing, dizziness, runny noses, headaches, sore throats, congestion, drowsiness, ear aches, excessive phlegm buildups, overall aches and pains and lethargy, just to name a few. There are a whole lot more. Those are just the ones that sprang immediately to mind.
Most of my life, I have had a pretty strong immune system. When other people around me would get really really sick, I would just end up with minor sniffles or maybe a cough here or there. They would be dropping like flies and I would be there just plugging along as if nothing was wrong.
Maybe my immune system is stronger than the average human's because I am really an alien/demon/angel. Or maybe it has something to do with them pumping my system full of antibiotics, when I drowned and was in a coma, when I was still a toddler.
I did manage to discover through my childhood and teenage years, that my kryptonite is strep throat. When that thing comes around, I get it every time, or so it seems. And it seems to last longer for me than it does for other people. Thinking back, I've only really gotten that about twice in the last ten years though.
For awhile now, I haven't really gotten sick the way most people think of illness. I was starting to think that maybe I was evolving and had become immune to most of the maladies that plague us. But, after doing some more thinking and observing general patterns over the last few years, I have recognized some changes that seem to coincide with times that most others around me have gotten sick.
When other people around me are suffering through half a dozen or more symptoms I usually do not have any of them. But that's not to say I get away entirely unscathed. I have found when they are hacking and sneezing and whining about how bad they feel, that I am often more tired and occasionally feel slightly dumb. Now this for me is a really big deal because I am usually very sharp and great at handling problems. This lessening of my intelligence frustrates me greatly. I end up feeling like a complete vegetable because things that are usually simple for me to solve are either impossible or just not worth the effort.
I don't want to be present while this is occurring but there is very little I can do to get away from it. Plus, I'm tired. So, I sleep. Normally I sleep a few hours more than usual for a day or two and that's that. This past week, I've spent more time asleep than awake, which is why there has been no new blogging from me until now. I intend to rectify that starting now.
I think what has been happening for the past few years is that my immune system has been getting stronger. It has grown to the point where it is able to successfully fight off whatever illnesses are destroying the daily quality of life for my friends and loved ones. But, it uses up all or nearly all of the energy that I would use to go about being my usual awesome self.
Is it really a boon or a detriment though? To all the people regularly dealing with the laundry list of symptoms I mentioned up at the top I am sure it would be a gift. Myself, I'm not so sure. I mean I know I don't want to be plagued by all those common cold type symptoms. But sleeping more means missing more of life. And I kinda totally love life.
Most of my life, I have had a pretty strong immune system. When other people around me would get really really sick, I would just end up with minor sniffles or maybe a cough here or there. They would be dropping like flies and I would be there just plugging along as if nothing was wrong.
Maybe my immune system is stronger than the average human's because I am really an alien/demon/angel. Or maybe it has something to do with them pumping my system full of antibiotics, when I drowned and was in a coma, when I was still a toddler.
I did manage to discover through my childhood and teenage years, that my kryptonite is strep throat. When that thing comes around, I get it every time, or so it seems. And it seems to last longer for me than it does for other people. Thinking back, I've only really gotten that about twice in the last ten years though.
For awhile now, I haven't really gotten sick the way most people think of illness. I was starting to think that maybe I was evolving and had become immune to most of the maladies that plague us. But, after doing some more thinking and observing general patterns over the last few years, I have recognized some changes that seem to coincide with times that most others around me have gotten sick.
When other people around me are suffering through half a dozen or more symptoms I usually do not have any of them. But that's not to say I get away entirely unscathed. I have found when they are hacking and sneezing and whining about how bad they feel, that I am often more tired and occasionally feel slightly dumb. Now this for me is a really big deal because I am usually very sharp and great at handling problems. This lessening of my intelligence frustrates me greatly. I end up feeling like a complete vegetable because things that are usually simple for me to solve are either impossible or just not worth the effort.
I don't want to be present while this is occurring but there is very little I can do to get away from it. Plus, I'm tired. So, I sleep. Normally I sleep a few hours more than usual for a day or two and that's that. This past week, I've spent more time asleep than awake, which is why there has been no new blogging from me until now. I intend to rectify that starting now.
I think what has been happening for the past few years is that my immune system has been getting stronger. It has grown to the point where it is able to successfully fight off whatever illnesses are destroying the daily quality of life for my friends and loved ones. But, it uses up all or nearly all of the energy that I would use to go about being my usual awesome self.
Is it really a boon or a detriment though? To all the people regularly dealing with the laundry list of symptoms I mentioned up at the top I am sure it would be a gift. Myself, I'm not so sure. I mean I know I don't want to be plagued by all those common cold type symptoms. But sleeping more means missing more of life. And I kinda totally love life.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Why bother with life?
We all start life with nothing. We work our tails off to carve our way through the jungles of life. We struggle and claw and fight for every gain. Some of us manage to build vast empires of metal and stone. With our sweat and blood we build a legacy of wealth and prosperity that will hold for generations. Others of us make barely enough to survive, much less save or prepare for the future. Most of the rest of us live somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
But, life is a zero sum game. We start with nothing and we return to the earth with nothing. Nobody gets out alive. And you can't take "it" with you.
So what's the point? If all of your hard work and time spent aren't going to matter once you are gone, why do it? Why put in the effort? Why struggle? Why don't you just coast along with no effort whatsoever and let the waters of life just buffet you around randomly from shore to shore. Why not just follow the routine, with no plan at all? You could just do the minimum that is required of you to get by and follow the same path day in and day out until your body crumbles to dust.
You could do that. In fact many people do. But all those people, they aren't really living. They are just getting by and none of them are truly happy with what they have. They are just cogs in the great machine turning the wheel of ages. Days blurred to weeks, weeks blurred to months and years. Years blurred to decades until Death comes to collect them.
All those countless lives are wasted because people fail to understand and accept that the whole point of life is now. From the time we are born until the time we die, we are blessed with billions of nows. Each one is an infinitesimally small fraction of forever. Each is unique and unlike any other now that will ever occur.
Every moment that passes brings with it a new now. And the only now that ever truly matters is the current one. The old ones are gone and the future ones have yet to come. In order to live a happy fulfilling life, you get to learn to get the most you possibly can out of the current now. We can learn from past nows and prepare for future nows, but the only one we can live is the current now.
And that my friends is why we bother, why we plan and struggle and work and play. Most of the struggle is to make our future nows more enjoyable. But as far as grading our life on the whole, it is not the one now at the end of our life that is important. It is all of them collectively. Some nows will be better than others as no life is ever perfect all the time. But from my point of view a life well lived is one with more good nows than bad.
It is a delicate balance, between planning for the future and enjoying the present, but as I see it, it is the only life worth living.
But, life is a zero sum game. We start with nothing and we return to the earth with nothing. Nobody gets out alive. And you can't take "it" with you.
So what's the point? If all of your hard work and time spent aren't going to matter once you are gone, why do it? Why put in the effort? Why struggle? Why don't you just coast along with no effort whatsoever and let the waters of life just buffet you around randomly from shore to shore. Why not just follow the routine, with no plan at all? You could just do the minimum that is required of you to get by and follow the same path day in and day out until your body crumbles to dust.
You could do that. In fact many people do. But all those people, they aren't really living. They are just getting by and none of them are truly happy with what they have. They are just cogs in the great machine turning the wheel of ages. Days blurred to weeks, weeks blurred to months and years. Years blurred to decades until Death comes to collect them.
All those countless lives are wasted because people fail to understand and accept that the whole point of life is now. From the time we are born until the time we die, we are blessed with billions of nows. Each one is an infinitesimally small fraction of forever. Each is unique and unlike any other now that will ever occur.
Every moment that passes brings with it a new now. And the only now that ever truly matters is the current one. The old ones are gone and the future ones have yet to come. In order to live a happy fulfilling life, you get to learn to get the most you possibly can out of the current now. We can learn from past nows and prepare for future nows, but the only one we can live is the current now.
And that my friends is why we bother, why we plan and struggle and work and play. Most of the struggle is to make our future nows more enjoyable. But as far as grading our life on the whole, it is not the one now at the end of our life that is important. It is all of them collectively. Some nows will be better than others as no life is ever perfect all the time. But from my point of view a life well lived is one with more good nows than bad.
It is a delicate balance, between planning for the future and enjoying the present, but as I see it, it is the only life worth living.
How does one stick to the plan?
In order to get what we want out of life we need a plan. We get to look at what we have compare it to what we want and then build an action plan, a bridge, if you will, between the two. It starts out as just an outline. But, once this is done we can flesh it out into a specific step by step manual to get from where we are to where we want to be.
Now assuming we follow this blueprint, we will eventually get to where it is that we want to be. It may take us years though. Life is chock full of distractions, shiny things, bells and whistles that tend to pull our minds away from the important hard work that we need to do if we are ever to truly succeed. So, how do we keep ourselves motivated to stay on track and work the plan?
Living our vision is one way. Treat the future as if it is already here. Imagine what life will be like once all the pieces of the puzzle have been fitted into place where they belong. Live with the joy and gratitude of your success, even though it is not yet yours. Constantly remind yourself of the fruits of your labor even though the tree is not ripe yet. You have set things in motion and the harvest will come.
For some that alone is enough. For others who don't understand that line of reasoning or who just need more than promises of the future, there is another way. As they say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So how to handle this? I have a story that illustrates it rather well I think.
A couple of decades ago I took Tae Kwon Do. The school that I went to was pretty big. There were new people joining all the time and something was constantly going on. At every class they gave out certificates and they gave them out for a variety of things, most of which, at the time, I thought were pretty frivolous. There were certificates for the most improvement over the last month, for who was the most energetic, who kicked the highest, most impressive ki shout, for successful board breaking and highest kicks. There was a certificate for just about every single thing that got done in class.
Also the belt system at this school was pretty intricate. There were I think nine belts between white and black and each had between 2 and 7 stripes with 5 to 6 being the average. Now, if you don't know, stripes are kind of an intermediate point between one belt and another. They mark you as past beginner at that belt level but not yet having mastered all you need to know. A lot of schools don't use the stripe system at all. Even the ones that do usually only have one or two stripes between belts.
But between certificates, stripes and several other things that this school did, each student hardly ever went more than a week or two without some pretty major recognition. It seemed like everyone was constantly being rewarded for whatever it was they did, no matter how small.
At the time, I thought it was pretty stupid. I mean if people are doing exactly what it is that is expected of them why are they being rewarded? Shouldn't things like that be reserved for people that are going above and beyond what is required and expected?
I didn't see, at the time, what was really happening. The goal of becoming a black belt was years away for any new people just coming to class. Even going from one belt to another was a process that took weeks if not months of hard work. All the little back patting and mini rewards kept people motivated and on track. It kept them coming back week after week until they actually achieved the ultimate goal.
You can use the same tools with the action plan for your life. Go over the blueprint for your life. . Think of the major accomplishments in your blueprint as belt levels, each one signifying a huge step towards the achievements of your goals. At each one of these points set up a reward for yourself, some way of congratulating yourself and motivating you to continue on the path. Split each "belt" into "stripes" and at each minor accomplishment have some lesser reward, to show that the work is all worth it and that you are on track. And regularly give yourself "certificates" or little pats on the back every few days.
None of these rewards need to be lavish or exorbitant, but they should be things that you truly enjoy. They are things that you deserve for working towards your long term goals. If you treat following the path towards your goals as an enjoyable service with rewards all along the path, holding out until the final goal has been reached will be something that you love doing, something that you want, rather than something you are forcing yourself to do. The bells and whistles will not be shiny or loud. The distractions will not pull you away.
Stay the course. Have the life you really want.
Now assuming we follow this blueprint, we will eventually get to where it is that we want to be. It may take us years though. Life is chock full of distractions, shiny things, bells and whistles that tend to pull our minds away from the important hard work that we need to do if we are ever to truly succeed. So, how do we keep ourselves motivated to stay on track and work the plan?
Living our vision is one way. Treat the future as if it is already here. Imagine what life will be like once all the pieces of the puzzle have been fitted into place where they belong. Live with the joy and gratitude of your success, even though it is not yet yours. Constantly remind yourself of the fruits of your labor even though the tree is not ripe yet. You have set things in motion and the harvest will come.
For some that alone is enough. For others who don't understand that line of reasoning or who just need more than promises of the future, there is another way. As they say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So how to handle this? I have a story that illustrates it rather well I think.
A couple of decades ago I took Tae Kwon Do. The school that I went to was pretty big. There were new people joining all the time and something was constantly going on. At every class they gave out certificates and they gave them out for a variety of things, most of which, at the time, I thought were pretty frivolous. There were certificates for the most improvement over the last month, for who was the most energetic, who kicked the highest, most impressive ki shout, for successful board breaking and highest kicks. There was a certificate for just about every single thing that got done in class.
Also the belt system at this school was pretty intricate. There were I think nine belts between white and black and each had between 2 and 7 stripes with 5 to 6 being the average. Now, if you don't know, stripes are kind of an intermediate point between one belt and another. They mark you as past beginner at that belt level but not yet having mastered all you need to know. A lot of schools don't use the stripe system at all. Even the ones that do usually only have one or two stripes between belts.
But between certificates, stripes and several other things that this school did, each student hardly ever went more than a week or two without some pretty major recognition. It seemed like everyone was constantly being rewarded for whatever it was they did, no matter how small.
At the time, I thought it was pretty stupid. I mean if people are doing exactly what it is that is expected of them why are they being rewarded? Shouldn't things like that be reserved for people that are going above and beyond what is required and expected?
I didn't see, at the time, what was really happening. The goal of becoming a black belt was years away for any new people just coming to class. Even going from one belt to another was a process that took weeks if not months of hard work. All the little back patting and mini rewards kept people motivated and on track. It kept them coming back week after week until they actually achieved the ultimate goal.
You can use the same tools with the action plan for your life. Go over the blueprint for your life. . Think of the major accomplishments in your blueprint as belt levels, each one signifying a huge step towards the achievements of your goals. At each one of these points set up a reward for yourself, some way of congratulating yourself and motivating you to continue on the path. Split each "belt" into "stripes" and at each minor accomplishment have some lesser reward, to show that the work is all worth it and that you are on track. And regularly give yourself "certificates" or little pats on the back every few days.
None of these rewards need to be lavish or exorbitant, but they should be things that you truly enjoy. They are things that you deserve for working towards your long term goals. If you treat following the path towards your goals as an enjoyable service with rewards all along the path, holding out until the final goal has been reached will be something that you love doing, something that you want, rather than something you are forcing yourself to do. The bells and whistles will not be shiny or loud. The distractions will not pull you away.
Stay the course. Have the life you really want.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Why are you where you are?
Our parents say it to us all the time as we are growing up. Its in movies and books everywhere. They say it in most commencement speeches. You can be anything you want to be. You can go anywhere you want to go. You can do anything you want to do. The sky is the limit, anything you set your mind to you can accomplish.
Those words aren't just empty platitudes. They are truth itself. Yet, how many of us are who we really want to be, are where we want to be and do what it is that we want to do? Very few, if any. There lies before us a world of infinite possibilities, countless open doors. Why do we not simply walk through them and change our lives forever, for the better?
Most of our lives are filled with other people's junk. Things that we really have no interest in and really don't know what to do with. There are the desires of our parents, pushing us towards the lives they either have or weren't able to have. There's our well meaning but often misinformed friends guiding us towards their idea of a perfect life. Teachers, guidance counselors, other family members all telling us what we should do and filling our lives with the things that they want for us. Many of those things aren't ever going to work for us, even though they come with the greatest love and best intentions. But, from the ideas that will work for us why can't we cobble together the perfect life from the bits and pieces of all the things they shove our way?
We try. We take the parts that seem like good ideas and we make them part of our life, but more often than not we aren't happy with the results. Why is this? Each of these people that love and care about us are sharing with us their vision of who we are and who we could be. The ideas and things that they suggest would work better if we were exactly who they envisioned. But we are not the people that our friends and family see us as. It simply isn't possible, because no two people see us exactly the same way
If we know thirty different people there are thirty different points of view on who and what we are. Piecing together a life from these different ideas would be like taking thirty different clips from thirty different movies about thirty different people and attempting to make one two hour movie out of the clips. It's probably doable it just wouldn't make any sense.
Some of the ideas and thoughts that our loved ones have of us are mutually exclusive, they can't exist within the same person. Some are ways that we could be but aren't. Others are things that at one time were true but aren't anymore.
So how do we get to be who it is that we want to be, live where we want to live and do what we want to do? There are clues in some sayings and cliches that have been around for centuries. Fortune favors the bold. God helps those who help themselves. The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
That's right. It isn't for anyone else to tell you what you want or what it is going to take to get it. In order to get what you want out of life, you get to decide, who you want to be, where you want to go, and what you want to do. Have a clear vision of exactly what your life will look like when these things are a part of your life. Search your life from the bottom up and discard all the thoughts, feelings and ideas that are holding you back, no matter who or where they come from.
You are where you are either because it is where you have decided to be or because it is where you let others decide for you to be. Take back the reins. Direct the movie you want to see. It is only your vision that can get you where you want to be, only your plans, ideas and work that will make it happen.
Those words aren't just empty platitudes. They are truth itself. Yet, how many of us are who we really want to be, are where we want to be and do what it is that we want to do? Very few, if any. There lies before us a world of infinite possibilities, countless open doors. Why do we not simply walk through them and change our lives forever, for the better?
Most of our lives are filled with other people's junk. Things that we really have no interest in and really don't know what to do with. There are the desires of our parents, pushing us towards the lives they either have or weren't able to have. There's our well meaning but often misinformed friends guiding us towards their idea of a perfect life. Teachers, guidance counselors, other family members all telling us what we should do and filling our lives with the things that they want for us. Many of those things aren't ever going to work for us, even though they come with the greatest love and best intentions. But, from the ideas that will work for us why can't we cobble together the perfect life from the bits and pieces of all the things they shove our way?
We try. We take the parts that seem like good ideas and we make them part of our life, but more often than not we aren't happy with the results. Why is this? Each of these people that love and care about us are sharing with us their vision of who we are and who we could be. The ideas and things that they suggest would work better if we were exactly who they envisioned. But we are not the people that our friends and family see us as. It simply isn't possible, because no two people see us exactly the same way
If we know thirty different people there are thirty different points of view on who and what we are. Piecing together a life from these different ideas would be like taking thirty different clips from thirty different movies about thirty different people and attempting to make one two hour movie out of the clips. It's probably doable it just wouldn't make any sense.
Some of the ideas and thoughts that our loved ones have of us are mutually exclusive, they can't exist within the same person. Some are ways that we could be but aren't. Others are things that at one time were true but aren't anymore.
So how do we get to be who it is that we want to be, live where we want to live and do what we want to do? There are clues in some sayings and cliches that have been around for centuries. Fortune favors the bold. God helps those who help themselves. The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
That's right. It isn't for anyone else to tell you what you want or what it is going to take to get it. In order to get what you want out of life, you get to decide, who you want to be, where you want to go, and what you want to do. Have a clear vision of exactly what your life will look like when these things are a part of your life. Search your life from the bottom up and discard all the thoughts, feelings and ideas that are holding you back, no matter who or where they come from.
You are where you are either because it is where you have decided to be or because it is where you let others decide for you to be. Take back the reins. Direct the movie you want to see. It is only your vision that can get you where you want to be, only your plans, ideas and work that will make it happen.
Monday, May 5, 2014
The right way to abuse your pets?
In case you haven't yet noticed my thoughts and ideas do not usually match those of most people in general. The reason for this is that I do not blindly accept the things that I am told. I do not take on faith the things that authority figures say. My way is to seek out the truth and let it speak for itself.
I am going to say some things that might make people a bit angry today. It is not my intention, but the truth often makes people angry. In light of the things that I am about to say, I want to be very clear. I do not hate animals. In fact, I love animals. Unlike people they are always honest. They never hide how they feel and they love unconditionally.
I have a healthy love and respect for all life. It is very easy for me to fall in love with and become attached to an animal. Now for the part that seems to make most people go nuts. I firmly believe, with very little exception, that making an animal a pet is an act of cruelty, not an act of love.
Before the flaming begins, let's talk about why I feel that way. When people think of having a pet, usually they think of the ways in which having that pet enriches their lives. They think of coming home and having the animal waiting for them, happy to see them. Or maybe they think of the fact that they are rescuing the animal from some horrible fate.
What they don't think of is all of the countless hours the animal spends suffering waiting for them to come home. The person never experiences it so why should they think of it? Animals don't really have a sense of time. You can tell them you are leaving at 7 and will be back at 5, but once you leave, all they know is that you abandoned them. They suffer all day long through the pain of loss.
Now, let's talk about environment. Over millenia of conditioning, the natural habitat for humans has become one that is almost entirely indoors. We live in buildings. The natural environment for most of the animals that we take as pets, especially the ones that are more than say 15 pounds or so, is outdoors.
Animals are not built for, nor in any way prepared for all of the indoor concerns we have. All of the messes that they create or find themselves a part of are typically things that don't exist outdoors. Outside, everywhere is the bathroom. Why should inside be any different?
Outside is a wide open environment where animals can roam freely. As messy as they may be, our homes are not wild places, filled with opportunities for tracking and hunting. Unless you live in a mansion and give your pets free reign, buildings are not places where animals can belong. Most of them want to be outside, wild and free.
Some people realize this and allow their pets to run around in their fenced in yards while they are sleeping or are not home. On the surface this seems like a good idea. It gives the animal more freedom right? Not really. They are still trapped, just now they can see all the stuff they can't get to. And what do they do when they see something they want? They either go under, over or through the fence to get to it, or make your neighbor's lives uncomfortable by loudly complaining that they can't get to it.
Every time I hear dogs barking for hours on end, it occurs to me to wonder how much their owners really must hate animals, to constantly subject them to such cruelty. Yes, the barking is unpleasant to me, but I can tune it out. The dog can't tune out how it feels about being alone and trapped. It can't ignore its sorrow.
Then there are those people who keep their animals inside in cages, in order to reduce the amount of discomfort for other people and to keep the animals from destroying things while they are gone. Yes, this does adequately handle those problems, but I cannot put words to how messed up I think that is. How can you possibly claim to care for your pet when you reduce its world down to a four foot by four foot cube?
So, while I do love animals, I do not believe, for the most part, in having pets. There are exceptions of course. Some people have their lives set up in such a way that there is always someone around to spend time with the animal or some animals that have been domesticated to the point where outside no longer holds any draw.
My personal preference, instead of having a pet, is to have friends that are animals. What I am talking about is animals that can and do take care of themselves but choose to spend time with me because they love me just as much as I love them. That way, we can have a mutual friendship, one based on love and respect and either one of us can move on when or if it becomes time to do so, instead of the master/slave relationship that most pet ownership really is.
I am going to say some things that might make people a bit angry today. It is not my intention, but the truth often makes people angry. In light of the things that I am about to say, I want to be very clear. I do not hate animals. In fact, I love animals. Unlike people they are always honest. They never hide how they feel and they love unconditionally.
I have a healthy love and respect for all life. It is very easy for me to fall in love with and become attached to an animal. Now for the part that seems to make most people go nuts. I firmly believe, with very little exception, that making an animal a pet is an act of cruelty, not an act of love.
Before the flaming begins, let's talk about why I feel that way. When people think of having a pet, usually they think of the ways in which having that pet enriches their lives. They think of coming home and having the animal waiting for them, happy to see them. Or maybe they think of the fact that they are rescuing the animal from some horrible fate.
What they don't think of is all of the countless hours the animal spends suffering waiting for them to come home. The person never experiences it so why should they think of it? Animals don't really have a sense of time. You can tell them you are leaving at 7 and will be back at 5, but once you leave, all they know is that you abandoned them. They suffer all day long through the pain of loss.
Now, let's talk about environment. Over millenia of conditioning, the natural habitat for humans has become one that is almost entirely indoors. We live in buildings. The natural environment for most of the animals that we take as pets, especially the ones that are more than say 15 pounds or so, is outdoors.
Animals are not built for, nor in any way prepared for all of the indoor concerns we have. All of the messes that they create or find themselves a part of are typically things that don't exist outdoors. Outside, everywhere is the bathroom. Why should inside be any different?
Outside is a wide open environment where animals can roam freely. As messy as they may be, our homes are not wild places, filled with opportunities for tracking and hunting. Unless you live in a mansion and give your pets free reign, buildings are not places where animals can belong. Most of them want to be outside, wild and free.
Some people realize this and allow their pets to run around in their fenced in yards while they are sleeping or are not home. On the surface this seems like a good idea. It gives the animal more freedom right? Not really. They are still trapped, just now they can see all the stuff they can't get to. And what do they do when they see something they want? They either go under, over or through the fence to get to it, or make your neighbor's lives uncomfortable by loudly complaining that they can't get to it.
Every time I hear dogs barking for hours on end, it occurs to me to wonder how much their owners really must hate animals, to constantly subject them to such cruelty. Yes, the barking is unpleasant to me, but I can tune it out. The dog can't tune out how it feels about being alone and trapped. It can't ignore its sorrow.
Then there are those people who keep their animals inside in cages, in order to reduce the amount of discomfort for other people and to keep the animals from destroying things while they are gone. Yes, this does adequately handle those problems, but I cannot put words to how messed up I think that is. How can you possibly claim to care for your pet when you reduce its world down to a four foot by four foot cube?
So, while I do love animals, I do not believe, for the most part, in having pets. There are exceptions of course. Some people have their lives set up in such a way that there is always someone around to spend time with the animal or some animals that have been domesticated to the point where outside no longer holds any draw.
My personal preference, instead of having a pet, is to have friends that are animals. What I am talking about is animals that can and do take care of themselves but choose to spend time with me because they love me just as much as I love them. That way, we can have a mutual friendship, one based on love and respect and either one of us can move on when or if it becomes time to do so, instead of the master/slave relationship that most pet ownership really is.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Why do I have to be responsible?
As you may or may not be aware, tomorrow(Friday) is the official opening night for The Amazing Spiderman 2. Early showings are available tonight in select locations and then tomorrow it will be in theaters practically everywhere.
This is a movie I want to see. Most, if not all, of the people that I live with want to see it as well. But left sort things out on their own most of us would not see it. It seems kind of weird to me for something that we are all so excited about, but I have seen it happen many times.
There is a new movie out just about every week that most of us are interested in. Due to our general day to day schedule, most movie watching is done either on Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights. Though, if one of us does not speak up on Wednesday or Thursday about our plans for the weekend, people tend to make plans of their own to do other things. On Friday nights three of us work. On Saturdays we have a game that takes up most of the late afternoon and evening hours. On Sunday some of us do family related events with others outside of the house.
When a new movie comes out that I want to see, typically, I am the one that rallies the troops, sorts out the scheduling conflicts, and the financial concerns. I know we all want to see the latest blockbuster, so I make it happen. If I didn't do it, we would go months without watching movies together. I know this to be true because I have tested it on multiple occasions.
See, I learned something a long time ago that I apply to my everyday life. It is a simple 20 letter phrase made up of ten two letter words.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
This literally means that if something is going to happen, it falls on me to make it happen. Or put a different way, if there is something that matters to me, I am responsible for handling all of the details involved in making it happen. If I fail to do so, then that thing is not as important to me as I may want to believe it is.
People often complain about how something doesn't get done if they don't do it and they wonder why they always have to be the one to make it happen. The simple answer is because they care more about making that thing happen than anyone else around them does. That thing either doesn't matter at all to others or just matters less to them than it does to the one that typically makes it happen. Whining, shouting and complaining about how much they don't like being the one to go through the effort of making it happen isn't fruitful.
Going out to eat and going to movies is pretty much what we do to socialize together, outside the house. It is very important to me. Others in the house say it is important to them as well, but obviously less so.
There is often quite a bit to the logistics of getting us all together at once, especially if we are meeting others that don't live in the house. It can be a lot of work. And I could whine, complain, get frustrated, angry or stressed about it. Or I could just not do it.
Instead I just remind myself that if it is to be, it is up to me. I don't get upset. I smile because I know that I am the one responsible for getting us all together, out of the house, laughing and having a good time. It is worth all the effort and trouble in the end, because I get to see the people I love enjoying themselves.
There are other tasks that are less rewarding that I apply the same logic to. If it is important enough for me to really care about the outcome,it is important enough for me to have a direct hand in guiding that outcome. And if it isn't important enough for me to take part in making it happen, I have no right to complain about the outcome being different than what I would have wanted.
Make this lesson your own and many everyday stresses will simply disappear.
This is a movie I want to see. Most, if not all, of the people that I live with want to see it as well. But left sort things out on their own most of us would not see it. It seems kind of weird to me for something that we are all so excited about, but I have seen it happen many times.
There is a new movie out just about every week that most of us are interested in. Due to our general day to day schedule, most movie watching is done either on Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights. Though, if one of us does not speak up on Wednesday or Thursday about our plans for the weekend, people tend to make plans of their own to do other things. On Friday nights three of us work. On Saturdays we have a game that takes up most of the late afternoon and evening hours. On Sunday some of us do family related events with others outside of the house.
When a new movie comes out that I want to see, typically, I am the one that rallies the troops, sorts out the scheduling conflicts, and the financial concerns. I know we all want to see the latest blockbuster, so I make it happen. If I didn't do it, we would go months without watching movies together. I know this to be true because I have tested it on multiple occasions.
See, I learned something a long time ago that I apply to my everyday life. It is a simple 20 letter phrase made up of ten two letter words.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
This literally means that if something is going to happen, it falls on me to make it happen. Or put a different way, if there is something that matters to me, I am responsible for handling all of the details involved in making it happen. If I fail to do so, then that thing is not as important to me as I may want to believe it is.
People often complain about how something doesn't get done if they don't do it and they wonder why they always have to be the one to make it happen. The simple answer is because they care more about making that thing happen than anyone else around them does. That thing either doesn't matter at all to others or just matters less to them than it does to the one that typically makes it happen. Whining, shouting and complaining about how much they don't like being the one to go through the effort of making it happen isn't fruitful.
Going out to eat and going to movies is pretty much what we do to socialize together, outside the house. It is very important to me. Others in the house say it is important to them as well, but obviously less so.
There is often quite a bit to the logistics of getting us all together at once, especially if we are meeting others that don't live in the house. It can be a lot of work. And I could whine, complain, get frustrated, angry or stressed about it. Or I could just not do it.
Instead I just remind myself that if it is to be, it is up to me. I don't get upset. I smile because I know that I am the one responsible for getting us all together, out of the house, laughing and having a good time. It is worth all the effort and trouble in the end, because I get to see the people I love enjoying themselves.
There are other tasks that are less rewarding that I apply the same logic to. If it is important enough for me to really care about the outcome,it is important enough for me to have a direct hand in guiding that outcome. And if it isn't important enough for me to take part in making it happen, I have no right to complain about the outcome being different than what I would have wanted.
Make this lesson your own and many everyday stresses will simply disappear.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
The cure or the law?
To start off today, I would like to paint you a picture and then have you stop and think about the scene before moving on. I am going to describe a hypothetical situation. Respond how you would if this situation were actually happening to you. Don't try to change any of the story by saying it's improbable or would never happen. For argument's sake assume that it does and is happening exactly the way I describe.
You start out like all of us, going it alone in life. One day you meet someone and fall madly in love. You decide that the two of you are going to spend the rest of your lives together. But something happens and your partner comes down with a rare non-communicable disease. It is not contagious, but it is fatal. They have only a few weeks left to live.
There is a cure for this disease, but it is more money than you will ever be able to amass through your own personal efforts at your job,through your savings or begging, borrowing and stealing. But speaking of stealing, the cure is kept in a place that you know about, not too far from where you live. There is no alarm or security of any kind. You think you could go in at night and get enough medicine to cure your loved one.
Please, stop reading for a few minutes. Take some time and think about it. What do you do?
The point of this exercise is to do kind of a psychological self examination. How you answer says a lot about how you make choices, what you value, your overall ethical system and what is really most important to you. For most people the decision would be very simple to make even though many of those people would not make the same choices.
See, on the one hand you have the general code of ethics that most of us share. We all are taught at a young age that stealing is wrong and so it is. But we are also taught that love is valuable and important. This example asks us to make a choice between the two of them. Do you follow the law and watch the person you care about die? Or do you break the law and save their life? Do you sit there and do nothing and hope that some other solution will come along? Do you look for an alternate solution of your own and wait until the very last possible moment before choosing between these two things?
There are several different "levels" of ethics, the highest of which cannot be achieved until we have reached a certain point in our view of the world and our overall level of maturity. Many people, regardless of age, never reach this top level of ethics. I won't tell you whether I have or not, I will only share with you my thoughts on this exercise.
It would take me very little time to make my decision. For me, the question isn't about law or love. It is about life. I believe that life is the most important most precious thing there is. And I would break any law or make any number of people upset in order to save a life, especially the life of someone close to me. So, I would break into the location where the medicine is stored and steal it. Out of respect for other people, I would do as little damage to the facility and personnel as possible, but if I had to disarm or knock one or more people unconscious in order to meet my goal, I would not hesitate to do so.
After the fact, once my loved one was out of danger, then I would worry about the consequences. See, I understand and accept that I would have to do some things that I see as wrong in order to save a life. But I am not blind to the reality that not everyone would agree with my choice. I may end up going to jail or having to live with the ill will of others for what I decided to do. And I am okay with that. While my loved one was in danger though, all other bets are off.
What would you do? Would you steal the cure and save their life? Why or why not?
You start out like all of us, going it alone in life. One day you meet someone and fall madly in love. You decide that the two of you are going to spend the rest of your lives together. But something happens and your partner comes down with a rare non-communicable disease. It is not contagious, but it is fatal. They have only a few weeks left to live.
There is a cure for this disease, but it is more money than you will ever be able to amass through your own personal efforts at your job,through your savings or begging, borrowing and stealing. But speaking of stealing, the cure is kept in a place that you know about, not too far from where you live. There is no alarm or security of any kind. You think you could go in at night and get enough medicine to cure your loved one.
Please, stop reading for a few minutes. Take some time and think about it. What do you do?
The point of this exercise is to do kind of a psychological self examination. How you answer says a lot about how you make choices, what you value, your overall ethical system and what is really most important to you. For most people the decision would be very simple to make even though many of those people would not make the same choices.
See, on the one hand you have the general code of ethics that most of us share. We all are taught at a young age that stealing is wrong and so it is. But we are also taught that love is valuable and important. This example asks us to make a choice between the two of them. Do you follow the law and watch the person you care about die? Or do you break the law and save their life? Do you sit there and do nothing and hope that some other solution will come along? Do you look for an alternate solution of your own and wait until the very last possible moment before choosing between these two things?
There are several different "levels" of ethics, the highest of which cannot be achieved until we have reached a certain point in our view of the world and our overall level of maturity. Many people, regardless of age, never reach this top level of ethics. I won't tell you whether I have or not, I will only share with you my thoughts on this exercise.
It would take me very little time to make my decision. For me, the question isn't about law or love. It is about life. I believe that life is the most important most precious thing there is. And I would break any law or make any number of people upset in order to save a life, especially the life of someone close to me. So, I would break into the location where the medicine is stored and steal it. Out of respect for other people, I would do as little damage to the facility and personnel as possible, but if I had to disarm or knock one or more people unconscious in order to meet my goal, I would not hesitate to do so.
After the fact, once my loved one was out of danger, then I would worry about the consequences. See, I understand and accept that I would have to do some things that I see as wrong in order to save a life. But I am not blind to the reality that not everyone would agree with my choice. I may end up going to jail or having to live with the ill will of others for what I decided to do. And I am okay with that. While my loved one was in danger though, all other bets are off.
What would you do? Would you steal the cure and save their life? Why or why not?
Sunday, April 20, 2014
It only takes one to change your self image pt1
Last night I had a very long conversation with a close friend of mine. We've been living in the same house for several years and I have seen him go through quite a few changes in his way of being. He has made a lot of progress towards improving his life, but most of it has come when he has been pushed to do it by others who are concerned for his well being. Not much has come from any personal motivation that he has had.
When I asked him why this was he said that he has very low motivation due to low self esteem.And that lead to further probing questions about why he had low self esteem. I asked him how long he had been dealing with this issue and the answer was a little surprising for him I think. His general belief structure up until this point had been that his life pretty much started falling apart around ten years ago.
Once he really started thinking about it he realized the self esteem issue started several years before that. See, the image that many people have of my friend is that he is a white trailer trash redneck from Texas. They think he is functionally illiterate and too stupid to ever amount to much.
And while he is white, and he is a redneck the other parts are just ridiculous. Though, when he first came to live with us it was the impression that pretty much everyone got. He was stubborn and argumentative and didn't want to be told anything by anyone. At one point, it seemed like I was the only one holding out any hope of there being something different underneath. I saw what was on the surface, but I've learned that it isn't just beauty that is skin deep.
Almost everyone has a facade that they show the world. It is made up of all the things that they want to be true, all the things that they are afraid are true and all the things that other people have told them are true about themselves. But it's all bullshit. None of it is real.
When we are open and confident and honest with ourselves we know it isn't real and we can function sanely. It's when we start to buy into the facade that we start to implode. And that's what happened to my poor friend.
Circumstance compounded circumstance to create "absolute proof" that a certain lie about my friend was true. And believing that lie was destroying my friend from the inside out. What am I talking about? How about I explain the circumstance and how he got to where he was and you can see for yourself.
At some point while he was in grade school he did badly on some test. Maybe it was early in the morning and he was tired. Maybe it was because he just didn't know the material. Or maybe he just made a lot of careless mistakes. Why it happened doesn't make a lick of difference. What other people made up about it is what ended up causing a problem. See someone said something to the effect of only a stupid person could do that poorly on such an easy test. Maybe it was a parent, maybe a teacher, or maybe one of his fellow students. He does not remember. And again who specifically started the snow ball rolling down hill doesn't matter.
The bottom line is that before this he was a normal everyday kid. He loved life and had no damaging beliefs about himself. However, from this point on things started spiraling out of control. He may have ignored the one person calling him stupid if it had stopped there. But other people started doing it, other kids that did well on the test, or at least better than him. Then it comes time for him to take some other test and he does poorly on that one too. More people make fun of him for it and he starts to feel bad about himself. Maybe he is stupid. A lot of people are starting to say it about him.
He doesn't want it to be true. He is afraid it's true. So he starts looking for evidence to support the theory that he is stupid because he has to know. And lo and behold he finds it everywhere. Plenty of other kids did fine on both tests that he did poorly on and many of them make fun of him for it. His parents start to wonder if he is stupid. More tests come along and because he is starting to buy into the theory that he is stupid, he does poorly on them as well, reinforcing the belief that he is too dumb to learn, further perpetuating the cycle each time adding more and more evidence that what he fears to be true is true.
When I asked him why this was he said that he has very low motivation due to low self esteem.And that lead to further probing questions about why he had low self esteem. I asked him how long he had been dealing with this issue and the answer was a little surprising for him I think. His general belief structure up until this point had been that his life pretty much started falling apart around ten years ago.
Once he really started thinking about it he realized the self esteem issue started several years before that. See, the image that many people have of my friend is that he is a white trailer trash redneck from Texas. They think he is functionally illiterate and too stupid to ever amount to much.
And while he is white, and he is a redneck the other parts are just ridiculous. Though, when he first came to live with us it was the impression that pretty much everyone got. He was stubborn and argumentative and didn't want to be told anything by anyone. At one point, it seemed like I was the only one holding out any hope of there being something different underneath. I saw what was on the surface, but I've learned that it isn't just beauty that is skin deep.
Almost everyone has a facade that they show the world. It is made up of all the things that they want to be true, all the things that they are afraid are true and all the things that other people have told them are true about themselves. But it's all bullshit. None of it is real.
When we are open and confident and honest with ourselves we know it isn't real and we can function sanely. It's when we start to buy into the facade that we start to implode. And that's what happened to my poor friend.
Circumstance compounded circumstance to create "absolute proof" that a certain lie about my friend was true. And believing that lie was destroying my friend from the inside out. What am I talking about? How about I explain the circumstance and how he got to where he was and you can see for yourself.
At some point while he was in grade school he did badly on some test. Maybe it was early in the morning and he was tired. Maybe it was because he just didn't know the material. Or maybe he just made a lot of careless mistakes. Why it happened doesn't make a lick of difference. What other people made up about it is what ended up causing a problem. See someone said something to the effect of only a stupid person could do that poorly on such an easy test. Maybe it was a parent, maybe a teacher, or maybe one of his fellow students. He does not remember. And again who specifically started the snow ball rolling down hill doesn't matter.
The bottom line is that before this he was a normal everyday kid. He loved life and had no damaging beliefs about himself. However, from this point on things started spiraling out of control. He may have ignored the one person calling him stupid if it had stopped there. But other people started doing it, other kids that did well on the test, or at least better than him. Then it comes time for him to take some other test and he does poorly on that one too. More people make fun of him for it and he starts to feel bad about himself. Maybe he is stupid. A lot of people are starting to say it about him.
He doesn't want it to be true. He is afraid it's true. So he starts looking for evidence to support the theory that he is stupid because he has to know. And lo and behold he finds it everywhere. Plenty of other kids did fine on both tests that he did poorly on and many of them make fun of him for it. His parents start to wonder if he is stupid. More tests come along and because he is starting to buy into the theory that he is stupid, he does poorly on them as well, reinforcing the belief that he is too dumb to learn, further perpetuating the cycle each time adding more and more evidence that what he fears to be true is true.
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