Beyond Good and Evil pt2

So no I don't believe our choices make us good or bad people. But now for the part where I kind of do.

As children we are all blank slates. We start out from nothing with no knowledge of good or bad with no record of past successes or failures. We are filled with love for all people and all things. We have only one desire, one hope, one craving, to be loved back. And this is where most parents screw up.

When we yell at our children, we are voicing our disapproval with them. To them, when we do so, we are holding back our love or making it conditional on their behavior. Unless we are very careful and very specific we may unknowingly cause permanent harm to both their ego and their future lives.

A typical response to not liking something that a child is doing is to say that they are being bad. The problem with this is that even though you may realize that what you mean is the child is taking an action that you do not approve of, what they hear is that they ARE bad. Everyone knows that good people are loved and bad people are not. So when you tell the child that they are being bad, you are both declaring that they are a bad person and that you do not love them.

Now remember the whole blank slate concept? While an adult is free to decide for themselves what they think based on the input from others, a child has no such freedom. When children are young they have no concept of self other than what we give to them. So when we tell them that they are bad we are telling them that we don't love them and that they aren't worth loving.

An adult can just shrug that off. And to some degree, if it is just something that happens once a child may as well. But with repeated instances of the same type of thing, over time, eventually, the child will agree with you, even if it is just subconsciously.

Once that happens that person's whole life has been messed up. Because they see themselves as a bad person not worthy of love they will, without ever consciously thinking about it, make choices that support that theory. They will say and do things that cause other people to agree that they are bad and not worth loving. This leads to such fun things as drug abuse, other criminal activities, depression and suicide.

All that just from yelling at our kids? Should we let them just run rampant and do whatever they want? No that is really not an option either. So? What to do?

Well, as i said earlier you need to be very careful with what you say and how you go about it. Telling your child that they are bad or being bad is not the way. Comparing their actions with someone that is bad is often a better choice. While it may seem the same to you, it is not the same to them.

Explain to them that the action that they are taking is not a good action and that a person that wants to be good would not take that action. Reason it out and give them the choice of whether they want to be like a good person or like a bad person. Remember children are not idiots. They are simply younger less experienced versions of adults. Good, to them means loved. Bad, to them means unloved and unlovable. Most of the time, if  shown proper love and understanding and given the opportunity, they will make the right choice.

So to sum up, our good or bad choices do not make us good or bad people, unless we believe that they do. And that belief is harmful to us because it locks us into the framework of our routines. We are all just making our way through life making the best choices we can, some better than others. Very few people, if any are the maniacally cackling reveling in their badness kind of evil.

It makes for a good story though.

Two masters pt1

A couple of times, I have mentioned that I see myself as a highly spiritual being. For the past decade or two, though, I haven't been a very religious person. But, from time to time, things bubble up from the past when I was.

Sometimes it is ethics or ideals ingrained at a young age. Other times it is a few words of common wisdom from the long remembered past. This particular thing that I want to talk about is a biblical quote from when I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness(No, I did not ever get it right)

According to Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

While this verse is specifically talking about God and money, it is true with all things. I don't think that the love and hate part are really true. I think you could love one and be kind of neutral towards the other or love both, just one a little more than the other, like Ruffles vs Fritos. However, there can not be two number ones. You can work towards two separate goals, but when a conflict of interest occurs you must pick one over the other. And when forced to choose, you show others which is more important to you based on which one you pick.  

Within ourselves, we can want one thing in our heart and another with our minds, but if the two things are in different directions we need to decide which one matters more to us or we will never, can never be happy. For example, if in your heart you really want to settle down and start a family, and in your mind you decide that you are better off alone, how do you make both happen? You really can't. Only one or the other is possible. You can't have both and need to choose between them and then dedicate yourself to whichever goal you choose.

At your place of work, you can do things your way or you can do things your boss's way. Unless the two ways are the same you cannot do both. Choosing which way to do things at work should be easy. You are being paid to do what it is that the boss says regardless of what you think is right or how you think things should be done. It is sort of the definition of having a job. You get paid to do what it is that your supervisor tells you to do.

At home, in a lot of homes, there is a clear person in charge, the patriarch, matriarch or alpha. In such places one person's word is law and in order to maintain harmony all others must comply with that law. While everyone follows along and does as they are told things run smoothly. When people decide to go against the established rules punishment and or discipline are meted out until everyone gets with the program again. 

Do as thou wilt pt2

Sure, homosexuality is a sin but so are all of those other things. What's that saying again? Oh yeah, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Measuring them just by their actions and the directions in their own book, few if any Christians have any right to say anything about what anyone else
is doing, other than to observe that the other person is ALSO not following the Bible.

Now let's talk about those Christians that just want to follow the New Testament. After all if you've read both it almost seems like the Old Testament and New Testament God are two different guys. The Old is full of fire and brimstone and punishment. The New is a more loving understanding God. Who wouldn't want to just skip the icky part?

But is that really okay? I mean wouldn't that be like if your Dad handed you a list of chores that he wanted done and it was two pages long and you just decided to do the second page because it was shorter? But it's okay though right? You did the whole second list, every item on it.

Having said that there is very little in the New Testament on who can and can't sleep with who, especially when looking for man on man or woman on woman action.  But there is something interesting that Jesus said in the book of Matthew Chapter 22.

35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Read that last part again. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets. In other words the whole Bible and its message can be boiled down to two things. Love God first and foremost and love your neighbor as yourself.

That kind of reminds me of the Wiccan Rede, An ye harm none, do as thou wilt. At first glance the two might not seem the same but, many Wiccans believe that the whole universe and everything within it is a single being, that we are part of everything. In such a belief system, harming God, harming your neighbor, harming the world in general and harming yourself are all the same thing.

If this is your belief system, essentially, following this advice that it is okay to do whatever you want as long as you aren't harming anyone else makes you just as "sinless" as a person who follows every dictate of the Bible to the letter. If Wiccan law and Christian law are pretty much the same where does the intolerance come in?

And last but not least (for now) where is the part of the Bible that says we should be angry and hate filled towards those who do sin? There are plenty of places where it says to avoid them if possible and a great many more where it says to avoid being like them. But to hate them? It specifically says the opposite. We are to love all our neighbors not just the sinless ones.

What should that look like? Even under Old Testament law it should be more like a parent chastising/punishing an unruly child. Someone that you truly love you are hesitant to cause pain and suffering to, even if it is for their own good in the long run. When was the last time you saw or even heard of someone preaching intolerance showing any hesitance whatsoever to condemn or in fact cause injury to someone that they labeled a sinner?

Peer Pressure. Another double edged sword.

Why do we make the choices that we do? Why do we do or not certain things in our life? In a perfect world there would be two very simple answers to these questions. Conscience and desire. In a perfect world our decisions would be based solely on doing some combination of what we know to be right and what we want to do. And in the absolute best of circumstances what we want and what is right would be the same.

But we don't live in that perfect world do we? There is another thing which creeps in and often takes control over our decision making process. That thing is peer pressure. And it is certainly not a simple thing. It is complex and often angst ridden and frustrating. We quite often know what we want to do and what we should do, but due to peer pressure we end up making a different choice. Why?

While thinking about this today, I came across an article someone had posted on Facebook entitled

15 Things You Don't Owe Anyone At All (Though You Think You Do)

The bottom line is really fear. How does this work? How is it that much of our decision making process is ruled by fear? Well to understand that we really need to take a look at what peer pressure is. According to dictionary.com peer pressure is social pressure by members of one's peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted.

I think a little more in depth of an explanation is needed. Generally your peers are the people whose opinions matter to you. They are all of your friends and family. Most of us decide that being cool in their eyes is important. And we will often go to great lengths, many times violating our own personal code of ethics and our personal desires in order to be accepted by our primary peer group(s).

We fear not being cool or accepted by the opinions of those that matter to us and often that alone will cause us to do terrible, mean, sometimes downright despicable things. We feel forced to act a certain way even if we are not being told exactly what to say or do. Much of the time the actions of our peers and the surrounding circumstances very strongly imply what we are "supposed" to do. 

If you are out with a group of your friends and they happen to pick on how someone is dressed or looks, some facet of their social life, their race or sexual preference, it is hard for some of us to stand up to the bullying and make them stop attacking their target. It is the right thing to do, but still not very easy. Our desire to do the right thing is overridden by our fear of not being one of the "cool kids". You can deny that it matters to you until you are blue in the face, but if you give in to peer pressure, then being accepted matters to you.

Peer pressure is what causes us to allow our families to have such a big say in our lives, even after we become adults. We want their acceptance so even though they no longer have any legally binding control over us we nod our heads and say they are right and do pretty much what they want, so that they will still love and accept us. 

Truth be told, anyone that holds their love and acceptance hostage to you agreeing with what they say or do isn't worth looking to for love or acceptance. You should be who and what you want to be independent of what others are going to say or think. 

Now having said that, is peer pressure always a bad thing? Well it is the collective thoughts and opinions of how you should and shouldn't act according to your friends and family and to a larger degree the whole world. Aside from it being wrong, to a certain degree, peer pressure is what keeps most of us from acting out in horribly violent ways when something doesn't go our way. From time to time nearly all of us have scary vile chaotic thoughts. 

We think awful things like, I wonder what that person's brains would look like oozing out of their ears if I hit them with this hammer just right. Or, if I kill this person they won't be making my life a living hell anymore. If I open the passenger door and kick this person out of my car while we are doing sixty I won't have to listen to this insufferable nagging. We don't act on those thoughts, because it is wrong and because we think about how everyone else will react to such a horrible scene.

So while peer pressure can steer us wrong, it can also keep us on the up and up. Until we reach that perfect world, where what is right and what we desire are constantly uniform, use common sense to show you when a few dashes of peer pressure are okay and when you should stand firmly against the tide for what you believe in.
 

Expectations

Pretty much every person has a desire to be accepted by others. We all want to be loved, to feel needed, and to feel affection. You could say it is one of the most basic of all non-physical needs. What makes me say this? Love and acceptance are wants and not needs right? Aren't there only three basic needs? Well, no.

Our bodies need food, clothing and shelter to keep us alive. And studies have been done showing that without love and acceptance we will die just as if our physical needs have not been met.

One particular study was done in Nazi era Germany. It was done using two groups of newborn babies. The first was shown all of the regular love and care that newborn infants are usually given. They were comforted when they cried. They got held and hugged and talked to in that overly sugary tone that nearly everyone uses when talking to a baby. They all survived.

The second group did not get any of that. When they were hungry they got fed. When they were dirty they got changed. If there was something medically wrong with them it got taken care of. But, other than that, the second group of infants was completely ignored. None of them were ever shown any affection. They never got any compassion or emotion from their caretakers. Every single baby in the second group died.

Love and acceptance are needs. When we are really young we have to rely on others to love and accept us because we don't know how to love ourselves yet. In a perfect world this would be a simple and automatic procedure because we would all love one another unconditionally. There would be no ulterior motives and no reason to hold back that love from one another.

In the real world however, things do not work that way. Instead of loving one another unconditionally, people have expectations. When those expectations are not met, love and acceptance are usually held back. The problem with this way of doing things is that everyone has different expectations. We all see the world slightly differently.

It becomes some kind of a sick mind game trying to meet the expectations of every person we meet so that we can get that affection that we so desperately desire. It is not possible to please everybody. In fact, most of the time it is not possible to please more than one or two people at a time.Each person has their own version of how you should be and it includes just about every adjective in the dictionary.

Thinner, taller, wider, older, more muscular, chubbier, tanner, whiter, younger, quicker, longer hair, less hair(facial or otherwise), different eyes, a smaller nose or mouth, more ghetto, less country, more Asian, or less European just to name a few physical attributes. Then there are all of the skills, talents and abilities that you have or don't have and all the choices that you make or don't make (fashion or otherwise) that don't match every other person's ideal version of you.

A person will literally go crazy attempting to please everyone. But, we need love and acceptance to survive, so what should we do? Well, there are two answers to that and both are important.

The first is, if you are old enough to read and understand these words then, you are old enough to love and accept yourself. Since you have been with yourself your whole life, you are equipped to have realistic expectations about yourself.  And, even if you fail to meet them, you can choose to love yourself anyways while you work on meeting said expectations.

The second is to pick a small group of people, some family and friends, who have similar expectations of you that you will do your best to meet. Ideally, they should be people that will love and care for you even when you fail because none of us is perfect and there will be times where that happens. These should be people with your best interests in mind and flexible enough to realize that what they think is best and what is best for you are not always the same.

Then, while there is no need to be rude or disrespectful, you can pretty much just ignore what the rest of the world thinks about you, good or bad. Just let it all go. None of it matters. A single person can give you all the love and affection that you will ever need. And you are a single person.

The right way to abuse your pets?

In case you haven't yet noticed my thoughts and ideas do not usually match those of most people in general. The reason for this is that I do not blindly accept the things that I am told. I do not take on faith the things that authority figures say. My way is to seek out the truth and let it speak for itself.

I am going to say some things that might make people a bit angry today. It is not my intention, but the truth often makes people angry. In light of the things that I am about to say, I want to be very clear. I do not hate animals. In fact, I love animals. Unlike people they are always honest. They never hide how they feel and they love unconditionally.

I have a healthy love and respect for all life. It is very easy for me to fall in love with and become attached to an animal. Now for the part that seems to make most people go nuts. I firmly believe, with very little exception, that making an animal a pet is an act of cruelty, not an act of love.

Before the flaming begins, let's talk about why I feel that way. When people think of having a pet,  usually they think of the ways in which having that pet enriches their lives. They think of coming home and having the animal waiting for them, happy to see them.  Or maybe they think of the fact that they are rescuing the animal from some horrible fate.

What they don't think of is all of the countless hours the animal spends suffering waiting for them to come home. The person never experiences it so why should they think of it? Animals don't really have a sense of time. You can tell them you are leaving at 7 and will be back at 5, but once you leave, all they know is that you abandoned them. They suffer all day long through the pain of loss.

Now, let's talk about environment. Over millenia of conditioning, the natural habitat for humans has become one that is almost entirely indoors. We live in buildings. The natural environment for most of the animals that we take as pets, especially the ones that are more than say 15 pounds or so, is outdoors.

Animals are not built for, nor in any way prepared for all of the indoor concerns we have. All of the messes that they create or find themselves a part of are typically things that don't exist outdoors. Outside, everywhere is the bathroom. Why should inside be any different?

Outside is a wide open environment where animals can roam freely. As messy as they may be, our homes are not wild places, filled with opportunities for tracking and hunting. Unless you live in a mansion and give your pets free reign, buildings are not places where animals can belong. Most of them want to be outside, wild and free.

Some people realize this and allow their pets to run around in their fenced in yards while they are sleeping or are not home. On the surface this seems like a good idea. It gives the animal more freedom right? Not really. They are still trapped, just now they can see all the stuff they can't get to. And what do they do when they see something they want? They either go under, over or through the fence to get to it, or make your neighbor's lives uncomfortable by loudly complaining that they can't get to it.

Every time I hear dogs barking for hours on end, it occurs to me to wonder how much their owners really must hate animals, to constantly subject them to such cruelty. Yes, the barking is unpleasant to me, but I can tune it out. The dog can't tune out how it feels about being alone and trapped. It can't ignore its sorrow.

Then there are those people who keep their animals inside in cages, in order to reduce the amount of discomfort for other people and to keep the animals from destroying things while they are gone. Yes, this does adequately handle those problems, but I cannot put words to how messed up I think that is. How can you possibly claim to care for your pet when you reduce its world down to a four foot by four foot cube?

So, while I do love animals, I do not believe, for the most part, in having pets. There are exceptions of course. Some people have their lives set up in such a way that there is always someone around to spend time with the animal or some animals that have been domesticated to the point where outside no longer holds any draw.

My personal preference, instead of having a pet, is to have friends that are animals. What I am talking about is animals that can and do take care of themselves but choose to spend time with me because they love me just as much as I love them. That way, we can have a mutual friendship, one based on love and respect and either one of us can move on when or if it becomes time to do so, instead of the master/slave relationship that most pet ownership really is.

The cure or the law?

To start off today, I would like to paint you a picture and then have you stop and think about the scene before moving on. I am going to describe a hypothetical situation. Respond how you would if this situation were actually happening to you. Don't try to change any of the story by saying it's improbable or would never happen. For argument's sake assume that it does and is happening exactly the way I describe.

You start out like all of us, going it alone in life. One day you meet someone and fall madly in love. You decide that the two of you are going to spend the rest of your lives together. But something happens and your partner comes down with a rare non-communicable disease. It is not contagious, but it is fatal. They have only a few weeks left to live.

There is a cure for this disease, but it is more money than you will ever be able to amass through your own personal efforts at your job,through your savings or begging, borrowing and stealing. But speaking of stealing, the cure is kept in a place that you know about, not too far from where you live. There is no alarm or security of any kind. You think you could go in at night and get enough medicine to cure your loved one.

 Please, stop reading for a few minutes. Take some time and think about it. What do you do?

The point of this exercise is to do kind of a psychological self examination. How you answer says a lot about how you make choices, what you value, your overall ethical system and what is really most important to you. For most people the decision would be very simple to make even though many of those people would not make the same choices.

See, on the one hand you have the general code of ethics that most of us share. We all are taught at a young age that stealing is wrong and so it is. But we are also taught that love is valuable and important. This example asks us to make a choice between the two of them. Do you follow the law and watch the person you care about die? Or do you break the law and save their life? Do you sit there and do nothing and hope that some other solution will come along? Do you look for an alternate solution of your own and wait until the very last possible moment before choosing between these two things?

There are several different "levels" of ethics, the highest of which cannot be achieved until we have reached a certain point in our view of the world and our overall level of maturity. Many people, regardless of age, never reach this top level of ethics. I won't tell you whether I have or not, I will only share with you my thoughts on this exercise.

It would take me very little time to make my decision. For me, the question isn't about law or love. It is about life. I believe that life is the most important most precious thing there is. And I would break any law or make any number of people upset in order to save a life, especially the life of someone close to me. So, I would break into the location where the medicine is stored and steal it. Out of respect for other people, I would do as little damage to the facility and personnel as possible, but if I had to disarm or knock one or more people unconscious in order to meet my goal, I would not hesitate to do so.

After the fact, once my loved one was out of danger, then I would worry about the consequences. See, I understand and accept that I would have to do some things that I see as wrong in order to save a life. But I am not blind to the reality that not everyone would agree with my choice. I may end up going to jail or having to live with the ill will of others for what I decided to do. And I am okay with that. While my loved one was in danger though, all other bets are off.

What would you do? Would you steal the cure and save their life? Why or why not?

The grudge

So, a friend or loved one does something you strongly disapprove of. Perhaps they lie to or cheat on you. You could decide that they have hurt you enough and you no longer want them to be around. But, you do still love the person and want them to be a part of your life.

So even though they wronged you, you decide not to break off the relationship. Instead you decide that you are going to get back at them by making life uncomfortable for them. Each time you see them or spend time with them you remind them that you are still angry or upset. You hold back favors or nice things that you would normally do for them. There. That will show them. Right?

Well, maybe. But probably not. I mean yeah, there's that feeling of righteous vindication that you may get from punishing someone that has done something wrong to you. How long does that really last though, only a few seconds right? And then afterwards where does that leave you with your loved one?

The reason you decided not to end the relationship in the first place is because you love that person and want to be around them. You enjoy each others company. How can that happen while you are busy constantly punishing them for past wrongs? You aren't showing love for them by holding a grudge. And they certainly aren't being inspired to show love for you by the repeated negative energy you send their way.

But, let's take things a step further. Remove the other person from the equation. In order to hold a grudge you have to hold on to negative energy. You have to keep it around. It may not be there every second of the day, but it will come up every time you see or think about that person. Time and energy that could be focused on happier things are wasted holding the grudge.

The thing is you can't just punish the other person without reminding yourself about the whole painful circumstance in the first place. So, for example, let's say you think about this grudge nine times per day and you see the person that you are angry at once per day. That means that at least ten times per day, you get to re-experience all of the negativity. But no matter how strongly negative your reaction is when you see the other person, the only time you can guarantee that they are thinking about the "bad" thing that they did to you is during that one time you see them during the day.

You suffer ten times, they suffer once. Who are you punishing again? Due to the fact that you have to re-experience the bad every time you interact with the other person that you are holding a grudge against, it is always, without fail, going to hurt you more to hold a grudge than it does the other person.

If you want your life to be filled with pain and suffering, well that's fine then. Hold as many grudges as you want. If you don't, there has to be a better way than either holding a grudge or just letting them walk all over you, right? There is.

First take some time to calm down and think clearly. Then have a conversation with the other person. Keep your cool and remain peaceful. Explain what the other person did to hurt you and how it made you feel. Forgive them for the pain they caused you. Inform them of this forgiveness. Then, make it clear and in no uncertain terms how future abuses of your love will be handled.

You may not have wanted to end your relationship over a single hurt that they caused you. But multiple similar hurts show that maybe they don't feel as strongly for you as you do for them. Or perhaps, depending on how exactly it is that they hurt you, police involvement may be the next step. The bottom line is that the other person needs to know you love and want them around but that you are not a doormat and that you will stand up for yourself.

Holding a grudge isn't healthy. Talking things over and working things out is. My advice is here to assist you in making your life better. I am not telling you what to do, just providing different options. As always it is your choice how you decide to handle things.

When it comes to kindness, every little thing counts.

Today's post is a little short, but includes two links for a longer overall read.
I want to share two inspiring stories I found while browsing the internet today. Both show the power of small kindnesses. Both had me in tears by the end. You can read the first here .

Spoilers ahead.

I found myself thinking as the author did, what if he had just honked once and driven off? Or if he had refused to help her to the car? Every day there are tons of opportunities for us to make a huge impact on the lives of others around us. And sometimes in our rush to get on with our day we don't even see them.

He didn't even know this old woman and she spent hours going all around the town with the cabbie reminiscing about her life and all the things that had happened and changed over the years. Because of his kindness she was able to have a few last precious moments to savor her experiences.

The second story is about something that has happened to nearly all of us at one point or another and can be found here, for now at least. It has been misfiled under the category of funny on the website where it has been posted. I love the story though and copied it to my hard drive so I can find it, in case it disappears.

It reminds me of the song Chain of Love by Clay Walker. If you haven't heard it, please check it out. It is a country song. I generally dislike country, but this one is worth a listen.

In this second story we see that just because someone is in a bad way, it doesn't mean they can't do good for others around them. And it is humbling to see how great the attitudes are of some people who have even less than we do. Those of us who have more often forget what it is like to have less. We often take for granted what we have and become selfish. We absolutely need these reminders of just how much we really do have and how much good we ourselves can and should do for others.

Love, light and peace.

Your past

Hi.

I. Don't. Care. About.Your. Past. That seems pretty transparent to me. But maybe it's not. I want to be perfectly clear. I don't care if you used to be a transsexual neo-nazi pod person that drank human blood, lived in a castle made of human skulls, and ate live babies for fun. I don't care if you used to be in the service and killed dozens of people because Uncle Sam told you to. Or if you just murdered people because you wanted to. I don't care if are an alcoholic, or if you used to be a prostitute or a rapist. I don't care about all the crimes and sins you used to commit or the laws you used to break.

Yes. All of those things have dark tragic stories full of angst, fear and frustration attached to them. And if you need a shoulder to cry on or just feel that you need to confess to someone about the horrible, terrible things that you used to do, I am here for you. I will listen, my heart full of love and empathy, for your sorrow and tragedy.

Your past is your past. It is all of the things that you have done and experienced right up until this very moment. It is NOT who you are though. Your past is who you used to be. All of it. It isn't just what you did ten years ago. What you did yesterday is part of who you used to be. But, you can't change those stories. They happened.

What you can change is your future.  And it is your future that I care very much about. Your past isn't important to me, simply because it didn't happen to me. I didn't experience it for myself and in fact I can't every truly experience it.

I have my own crimes and sins in my past, things that I'm not proud of. These things in my past, they shaped who I was up until a certain point, until I realized that they don't have to. There is no real reason, why there needs to be any connection at all between who you used to be and who you are becoming, other than for you to remember where you started out.

Every moment is a new opportunity to reshape your future. You can step entirely out of the mold of your past and make a new you. Stop carrying around all the guilt and angst for past mistakes. You know what you did was wrong and you've punished yourself about it for long enough.Step into a new future, one where you use the experience that you've earned from the mistakes that you have made to do things right this time.

I know from both book learning and personal experience that the harshest judge there is lives inside each one of us. We punish, tear down and destroy ourselves, more harshly than anyone else alive could ever hope to do. So, I don't need to judge you based on your past, and I won't.

I will however judge your actions in the current and decide based on the outcome of those actions, if I think you are someone that should be around me, my friends and family. Even if I decide you shouldn't be around us, that doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, just not one with the kind of energy we want around us. And even then, sincere regret for your wrongdoings and a declaration of new intent for the future would be enough for me to reconsider.

In life your past trials and tribulations don't mean anything. The true test of a person is always the current test. It's the only one that matters. And then it becomes the past. Its importance fades and a new "true" test arrives.

What I care about is your future. Who you plan to be, and who you become, from this moment on are all I care about. Most of your past is who you were at your worst. What I am interested in is who you are at your best.

Show me

Do you really know the people you love?

Most of us are constantly surrounded day in and day out by people. The world is full of them.Some we like, some we love, others we despise. The ones we don't like we often tend to know quite a bit about. We frequently make ourselves consciously aware of their likes and dislikes so that we can be avoid being like them.

One would think that we would naturally seek to find out what things those we love like and dislike. But often that is not the case. Oh, it might be, early on in the relationship, when we are struggling to get them to like us, but somewhere along the way that curiosity tends to fade and die out altogether. We find out what we need to know to get them solidly in our lives and then once we do, we move on to other pursuits.

We are constantly hit with all this data, especially from TV and news media about ourselves, how and what to do to take care of ourselves and make us happy. Advertisements focus on our enjoyment of life and how their products will make us feel and look. But, unless it's the holidays, they don't spend much time focused on how what they have to offer will make our families and friends happy.

In all fairness we do have to live with ourselves forever. There is no escaping oneself. But a large part of truly enjoying ones life comes from the happiness we can bring to others. It is joy shared that is joy multiplied.

It has been said that the most powerfully positive magickal word for a person to hear, is their own name.  Now, this is just a guess, but I think you probably know the names of the five closest people in your life. But how often do you use it?

And what about other things that they like and care about?

Make a list of the five people that you are the closest to in your life. Attempt to answer these questions for each of them. No cheating. Do this simply from what you already know about those you care about and love.

What is their favorite color?

When is their birthday?

What is their favorite food? What is their least favorite?

Do they have a favorite drink?

What are their hobbies? What do they do to unwind?

What is one place they have never been but would like to visit?

What are their goals for the future?

What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?(sorry. j/k couldn't help it)

Knowing yourself as intimately as you do, these should be easy questions to answer about you, but can you answer them as your friends and family would?

Don't worry, not knowing doesn't make you a terrible person. It just gives you the opportunity to learn more about your loved ones. I am not saying that you should spend all day everyday focusing on other people. Having you time is important as well. But don't you think you should spend at least some time showing those that you care about that what they want really matters to you? That they are just as important to you as you are to them?

Time flies when you are having fun

That's what they say at least. I know it's true for me. Whenever I find myself doing something I enjoy, the hours seem to speed by. Often when playing a game, spending time with my son or reading a book, I need to be reminded how much time has passed and what I am "supposed" to have already gotten done for the day.

How does that happen? Well, in actuality, the clock does not really move any faster. But, when we are doing something that we really like, our focus is entirely on what it is that we are doing and none is spared for clock watching or wondering how much time has passed. We are more interested in what we are doing presently than anything else that we could be doing at that moment.

Now what happens when you get to work? If you are like most people, you start off by dreading getting up, then you force yourself to get dressed, maybe have some breakfast and then head off to the job. By the time you get there you are ready to go. But, no, you have hours of waiting and clock watching until you get to go back home. You either don't like what you do, you don't like who you do it for, or you don't like the conditions that you do it under. Or some combination of all three. And the time just drags by, every minute seeming to get longer and longer, especially if it is not all that busy.

Some days at work are better than others, but none of them go by as quickly as when you are doing something you want to do. It doesn't seem fair does it? Our days aren't all filled with things that we enjoy doing. There is only so much time to parcel out to each thing. And the things that we like seem to whiz by in an instant.

But, what can you do about it? Well there's a couple of things. The first is to truly live in the moment whenever you are doing something you enjoy or spending time with someone you love. Be fully present in body and mind. Intentionally shut out distractions and really get the utmost out of every second, knowing that the time is fleeting and will be over much sooner than you want it to be.

And second, when working or starting out to do anything that you are not really fond of, find a way to flip the script, so to speak. Find some part of whatever it is that you are doing that you can make into something that is enjoyable. The idea is to literally make time fly for the things that you don't like, so that you can get back to the things that you do.

If you do a repetitive task, challenge yourself to find ways to make it more efficient, to cut corners without cutting quality. If you have downtime at work don't spend the time idly staring at the clock. Come up with new ways of doing whatever it is that you do. Figure out why your company does things exactly the way they do them and see if you can find a better way. This will serve to assist in alleviating your boredom and will show your employer that you have an interest in seeing the company do well. Find some way to make what you do a game, one that you can have fun with and of course win.

One of two things is likely to happen. Either, time will go by faster while you do the things you are not so fond of. Or many of the things you didn't used to like will become things you don't mind so much. Either way is a win-win for you.

The real, authentic you

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. The real authentic you has a deep seated, powerful desire for affection.So the world should be filled with love and acceptance right? Well, look around. Is it?

No, of course it isn't. Because although we all want love and acceptance we, on the average, do not give it. Instead, we hide behind our facade of toughness and invulnerability and throw hate grenades at other people, hopefully tearing them down before they get to tear us down. We generate lies about who we are and what we want so that others can't hurt us. While it seems like a good idea in theory, the armor is never thick enough, the walls are never high enough and we still get hurt. And even worse, this way can never ever lead to being loved and accepted.

To solve this problem we need to change gears. Now, for a real thought provoking question. How are babies and domestic canines alike?

They each are completely filled with the desire to be loved. There isn't a single ounce of falseness within them.They pour out who and what they are in every moment. Unconditional love oozes from every fiber of their being, from them into us. And we can't help but love them right back.

Sheer ecstasy at being around someone that they love is their sole motivation for every action they take. Their happiness is infectious. We catch it even if we think we don't want to. When a baby smiles at us we know they aren't trying to trick us into anything. They aren't luring us in so that they can hurt us. They are simply sharing joy.

It has been said that it is better to give than to receive. Well, in terms of love and acceptance, the saying should be if you wish to receive you must first give. See, we show the world, by our way of being, how we want the world to treat us.

When we put up a false front, lie about who we are and what we want, we tell the world that is how we want others to act around us. When we put on armor and pick up weapons we tell others we want them to attack us.

When we cloth ourselves in love and acceptance we show others that we want to be loved and accepted, but more importantly we show them that we are willing to give them what they truly want. And when you are willing to give others what they truly want they are much more willing to do the same for you.

Contrary to what you might think, when it comes to emotional energy, negative plus positive eventually leads to the destruction of negative, leaving behind the same amount or even more positive than you started with. Negative plus negative only leads to a larger amount of negative. And positive plus positive, of course, leads to more positive.

By being who you are, you free others to be who they are. When they realize that they can safely let their guard down around you, then there are two people who can be themselves. And gradually more and more people will be drawn to you as a result. You can't force the world to change. But you can encourage it.

So stop lying about who you are and what you want. Let out the inner child. Be authentic. Be real. Be you.

Am I human pt2

Awhile back I wrote about part of an experience that happened when I was two years old. This is the other part of what I remember. And yes I am aware that what you are about to read seems like some crazy made up fantasy.  But I believe every bit of it to be true and those that really know me know that I would not make something like this up, especially considering my beliefs on the judeo-christian myth.

So the child forty feet or so below me ceases its cries for help. Suddenly, I feel an urge to be elsewhere. And suddenly I am. At first it seems dark, but as my eyes adjust, the darkness slowly falls away, peeling off bit by bit. Until at last, there is  brightness is everywhere. It is as if the ground the sky and everything around me are made of white light.

At first, this is disorienting and I stumble around blindly, not knowing where I am and having trouble differentiating between the ground and the air and things lodged within one or the other.  As the eyes tend to shy away from bright lights automatically, at first, it is difficult to look anywhere and focus on any one thing. Gradually my perception shifts and I begin to see each thing as its own light and to sense the places where one ends and another begins.

Yet somehow, even while stumbling around, I was heading in the right direction or maybe every direction lead to the same place. At some point though I feel the urge to stop moving forward. I do so and looking up from the ground in front of me, I see what looks to be the oddest shaped mountain in existence. The first thing that I notice is that this one immeasurably tall thing is a white gold in color as far as the eye can see. It is the only thing in this place that is not a plain white. It is also far brighter than all the white that I have seen so far. The intensity is such that another period of adjustment is required for me to be able to look upon this mountain without pain. Oddly enough, I find that I can not look away from it.

And then, a great sound, from too far away to possibly imagine, reaches my ears. The volume is such that I am certain anyone for easily ten thousand miles can hear the words, but I know they are meant solely for me. The air and everything around me literally vibrates with the deep, powerful, yet gentle rumbling of this voice. It soothes and caresses while also querying.

Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I see this enormous mountain that I have been straining to see all of. It is impossibly large. In my mind I see the whole of it and I realize that it is a brilliant gold being seated upon a throne of white.  As far up as I could possibly see before it got lost to my field of vision, the part that I perceived to be a mountain, was merely this being's right sandal and a couple of toes.
While taking all this in, I realize that I still have not answered this immense being. In fact, though the words completely surrounded me and massaged my very being, I had not yet considered them.

They came yet a second time.

Would you like to stay here?

All around me was at peace. There were others in the surrounding area. All were happy. There was no fear, worry, sadness, loss or pain. In fact now that I was really thinking about it I knew I was surrounded on all sides and in all ways by love in its purest form.

It truly would be pure bliss to stay here I thought. But I can not.
"No", I replied "there will be people that need me"

...and then a child woke from a coma in a hospital somewhere in south Florida. And I was once again that child.

The power of the memory of that experience is still enough to bring tears to my eyes to this day. Whether dream or out of body experience it somewhat blows my mind that at not even three years old I had the presence of mind to give up that wondrous possibility for even a brief time to choose being in service to others. It hits me that I felt I could not accept the peace and tranquility yet, because I had a duty to perform first.

Yet, every time I think about it, my belief that I am here to make the world a better place becomes stronger and stronger.

Despite what others may think of this tale, I honestly believe that my spirit directly interacted with the being that the Christians worship. But I am not a Christian, just a good Samaritan.

Interesting experiences

For the past several weeks I have noticed something new about my way of being when interacting with people outside of my home. I have a clear image of the change but I am finding putting it to words to be difficult.  Most of the word patterns that are coming up are not...right.

My general way of being is peaceful, calm and happy, often even at times when one or more people around me are being belligerent.  And many times when I interact with people they are pleasant and the transaction is good.

But lately it has been... More. As you can probably tell, I am still struggling with this. I do tend to frequent the same places. So I do see the same faces repeatedly.  That does not explain the change though.

Each one of these exchanges has been more powerfully positive than they were in the past. It is like there is something in my way of being that other people see and it resonates with something in their way of being and the energy that I put out is passing through them and coming back even stronger from them to me.

A simple back and forth conversation of pleases and thank yous when ordering food somehow keeps ending up with me and the other person massively building positive energy to the point of  nearly overflowing with joy.

My gratitude at being adequately assisted in my endeavor is only matched by their enjoyment of having been able to assist me. I am sure to the reader this seems stupid or corny or even crazy but I swear it is real.  I have literally gotten back into my car afterwards wondering just a little why I have such a huge smile on my face.

This type of connection is not exactly new to me. I have had a similar experience with customer service type things before, but not where the energy level keeps building. Usually it just reflects back and forth and stays around the same level.

Actually it's more like, when you start a new romantic relationship with a person. You go back and forth talking with one another. And as you find out more and more about how you are alike and share things in common the excitement and enjoyment of the relationship continues to build with every passing moment.

It's love. Love is pouring out of me and into other people. It is being amplified and given back.  I am sure of it.  But why? What has changed about my way of being recently to have made that big of a difference?  I have been doing a lot of inspirational reading and motivational listening. It could be that I suppose. Most of the things that I have read, heard and seen recently I already thought and or believed though. Some things were defined in a more clear cut way and perhaps that is the difference. I am thinking and doing the same things just in a more precise and less general way. Much of what I have read says that to the universe something is not real until it is specific and measurable.

This set of experiences I will reflect and meditate on. I may write more about this later. For now I will enjoy it and hope that things stay this way.

What is music, to you?

What is it about music?

My singing voice is not all that good. In the past my inability to dance was such that it has caused people around me to ask if I was alright or if they needed to dial 911. And I have not spent enough time with any one instrument to get good at it.

But music...it drives me. I hear it all around me, even in the silences. Music powers its way through my body. It literally flows through my veins as if the notes themselves were liquid fire racing to every corner of my being, bringing me to light and to life.

Heavy metal, techno, classical, jazz, blues, country, salsa,reggae each has its own unique sound. But they are all the same.  Regardless of style they all infuse me with energy and happiness.

To find out what general level of happiness I am at in my life one need only to ask if they have heard me playing music recently or not. The times where I have not been listening to music have all, invariably, been darker times in my life.

I listen to a lot of music that is adult themed, with lyrics not intended for children, things like Lord of Acid or Eminem. Often, I like the lyrics for the point that they make about society, for a message that they can teach, or even for just artistic creativity.

But most of the time the words themselves do not matter to me at all. It is about the volume,tone, pitch and cadence of the sound and the way those things combine with the overall vibrance of the rhythm, the speed and depth of the beat, the way the harmonics converge, diverge and resonate.
It is like the artist is looking into my eyes with their own. And seeing into my soul, they find my soul to be a kindred to theirs. Somehow, they  use the music as a bridge between us, a bridge of perfect knowledge and understanding.

For a brief yet somehow also everlasting moment, we are connected. And in that moment, time stops and the universe turns inside out, exploding outward, in every direction, filled with life and love. We ride waves of energy, energy which we are.  The power of creation fills us and is us. It is orgasmic but not necessarily sexual. We are surrounded by infinite power and ability to shape and control and make anew. Passion, creativity, love, kindness, pure joy, we are in touch with and in fact are all of these things. We can do anything, be anything, create anything, have anything. For a short time, we are in touch with the soul of the universe, we are physically everywhere and part of everything.

Then just as suddenly as it has started it stops. And then the next song begins.

Is it like that every time? No, but it could be. Although I can always feel the music tugging at my heart,  I do not always let go of all the thoughts and cares of life. In the past I have had a habit of getting bogged down in whatever is going on in my life and not letting the music in.  But when I do?

...Yeah. It's always like that.

Music is awesome.

You ARE God pt2

As children, we are taught not to show weakness or vulnerability, boys especially. We are told not to cry in front of others because "they" will use our weakness against us. Now while this may actually be true, it is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. We make it true. We take the pure love that all children have at the beginning of life and turn a lot of it dark by making an automatic belief that all new or different people are bad. This belief paves the way for a great number of tragedies later in life. It starts out as just a simple fear of strangers but it sets the stage for things like  racial prejudice and intolerance, misogyny, homophobia an inability to function well socially and even a hatred of and unwillingness to try anything new.

A person coming from a place of love and understanding would never take advantage of vulnerability in another person. Not just because they would not make that choice, it simply would not even occur to them as an option. But because we worry about our children and want to keep them safe we tell them that they need to  be on guard against those who might want to hurt them. The problem is the way we go about it. An unreasoning fear against the unknown is not the answer. We should teach them to be open to new people and ideas but cautious, to slowly over time learn about them and decide for themselves whether they are good for them or not.  When coming from a place of love you create love. When coming from a place of not love you create not love.

Therein lies the problem. People that you do not know, will take advantage of you if you let them. It is true. But only because we make it true. By teaching our children this the seeds of mistrust and hate are sown and if we don't stop them from going down that path, they will be the ones taking advantage of others later on in life because of a do unto others before they do unto you type of attitude. If we were to teach caution instead of fear however then some truly amazing change could occur.  IF every parent in the world were to suddenly decide to make this one change in their way of being, much of what is wrong with our world would simply disappear. The problem is the whole world isn't going to change overnight. There is too much mistrust and fear.  So what to do?

Become a god! Don't laugh I am serious. When people talk about a god what are they referring to? It is generally a being of immense power with near absolute control over every facet of a person's life. A god can decide whether you live or die and whether you are fortunate or unfortunate in life. While it may not be possible for you to control the whole world, I submit that it IS possible for you to control nearly every aspect of things around you in your everyday life.

You can change whatever it is that you do not like about your life. The key factor here is that you have to care enough about that change to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. In a previous example, you were hungry, you exerted your will and change happened. No exertion brings no change. Or worse yet, it brings change that you have no control over. You already control every facet of your life whether you realize it or not.The hard part to swallow in all of this is, if that is true, then you are responsible for exactly where you are in life right now. All of the things that you do not like about your life you either chose or allowed to happen by letting other people choose for you.
What stops most people is either laziness or lack of desire to bring about the change they say they want.  A woman who is being abused by her husband but still stays in the relationship is getting something out of that relationship that is more important to her, at the time at least, than not being in that relationship. It doesn't matter what it is whether it's great sex or a feeling of being wanted or whatever. Until her desire to not be abused is greater than whatever she is getting out of it nothing will change.

Tune in tomorrow for more about the god that you already are.

You ARE God pt1

Welcome Welcome. Come. Sit around the camp fire and be warmed by it's presence. What I want to talk about today may shock or offend you, especially if you are strongly attached to a Judeo-Christian religion. By the standards of their beliefs it could certainly be considered blasphemy. It is not my intent to cause unrest of any sort, but to open your eyes to a different possibility.

I am not a religious person. But, I am deeply spiritual. I do believe in good and evil and I believe that it is for each of us to decide what is good and what is not and to do our best to do good wherever possible. I do believe in a greater power than man. There are supernatural beings out there that outclass us by orders of magnitude. It just does not make any sense that they would care whether or not we worship them.

I mean think about it. Do you care when you wipe down a counter that had a bit of spilled liquid on it? No? Why not? You just wiped out  what was or could have become a tiny microcosm full of potentially many different kinds of micro-bacteria, single celled organisms and eventually maybe some mold. Perhaps there are things on an even smaller level that are so small that we  can not even perceive them, even with the enhancements that technology brings us. The thing is that such things are so far beneath our everyday notice that they never really even occur to us. We do not even think about them. I believe that is how these greater beings are in regard to us.

Does the sun care whether or not your plumbing works in your apartment, in New York? Does the Milky Way Galaxy care whether or not our sun exists? No, I don't think so. They are not living thinking beings you say? How do you know? Perhaps we are just so small and insignificant and different from what they are that there is no way of interfacing with them for communication purposes.

I do believe that there is a finite amount of energy in the universe, that energy can not be gained nor lost and is simply converted from one form to another, just as modern science tells us. But when I talk about energy, I am not talking about the physical forms of matter and energy or solids liquids and gases.  What I am referring to is love and not love. Confused? No worries I will explain.

There are two forms of energy that every living thinking being possesses.  You have an energy in you that keeps you alive and healthy, some call it chi or spirit. Others such as myself call it love. Love is a creative healing force. We use it to forge new bonds, to empower ourselves into getting what we want out of life and for all of the positive and "good" things that you can think of. Everything else is not love. It is destructive, dark and poisonous. It is anger, fear, jealousy, hate and prejudice. But what about neutrality? It is neither good nor evil right? Wrong. Neutrality generally means doing or deciding nothing, which simply leads to entropy, which leads to decay, a form of destruction. Hence even neutrality is an agent of darkness.

So there you have it, love and not love. Or white magick and black magick. Or as most people call it positive and negative energy. How do you know, other than by looking at your actions and choices, which form of energy there is more of in your body in general? When you are full of love your body will reap the benefits of your positive energy. You will generally feel as if you have more energy. You will be more open to new thoughts and ideas. You will be happier. What about when you are full of black magick? There will be more overall aches and pains, often chronic things that don't go away. Your body will be more prone to sickness and disease. You will often feel fatigued and you will be plagued by dark thoughts.

We are made of love. At birth it is all of what we are and all that we know. Unfortunately over time that changes. When we convert our love into darkness it begins to destroy us from within. We can easily see the signs of it within our minds and bodies. But how does it happen. And what can be done about it?

From an early age the seeds of mistrust and hate are placed.
And that's all the time I have for now. Join me later for part two.