Why am I always sharing someone elses work?

By now, you may have noticed that a lot of the things that I tend to talk about are direct quotes from movies, books or TV or are things that I think about those things. You may be wondering why. Don't I have any original thoughts? Can't I come up with my own ideas?

Wise King Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun. As far as inventions and creature comforts i disagree. Science is coming up with new things that we never had before all the time. But when it comes to traditions and philosophy, you know, what we think, how we think it and how we choose to run our lives, he was right on the money.

Right and wrong. Morals and ethics. Ways that one can behave. There are millions of them and they don't change over time. All there is is all there ever was or ever will be. Although it may not seem like it sometimes, all things are reflections of other things. And in every little thing is at least one lesson we can learn about life. It may be how to improve ourselves or our lives or things we can suggest to others, but everything no matter how small is important.

When I was in school, I was never a big fan of history because I didn't care about what happened in the past. I just cared about my future. I learned with time that the events of the past are important to know, if we don't want to be doomed to repeat them. It still isn't really important to me exactly when certain events happened just that I have a general idea of which happened before what and what caused those events. Knowing what happened isn't important if you don't know why it happened.

The world is full of a great many bad things such as, ignorance, hate, depression, angst, pain, war, terror, destruction, disease, famine and starvation to name a few. It is not all that hard to get swallowed up by the negatives and washed away into that sea of madness.

I know that focusing on the bad leads down that long dark spiral and that it is a lot harder to climb back out than it is to just keep moving up from where I am. So I look for tools of harmony and balance in everything I do. I am constantly on the look out for some new way to do things that is better than what I have done before. I endeavor to learn and experience and grow. And because it is what I am looking for, it is what I find. Everywhere all around me I find examples of how to live better and do better. Most importantly I learn what does and doesn't work in safe environments.

From role-playing games I get to create characters that have some of the same impulses that I do and see how those impulses play out without the harsh consequences of the real world. I get to be people that I might have been if I had made different life choices.  In ccg's I get to learn more about  strategy and the psychology behind meta-gaming as well as politics and social dynamics.

Through  books, movies, comics, blog posts and TV I get to see things from other people's perspectives. I get to see into the minds of the writers to understand the way they think as well as the way their characters think. I get to put myself into the shoes of each character and figure out what I would do in their situations and see how it differs from what the writer has them do or what the writer says.. I can reflect on the differences and learn why there are discrepancies between our points of view. I learn new ways to see old things or better ways of describing things that I have always said and done.

The world is not just a place of darkness. It is a place of light as well.There are just as many positive things as there are negative. Look for the love and the light and you will find it.

I believe that each person should live their life by example. What this means is that you should say and do the things that you believe people should say and do.  So when I quote someone else or share with you my thoughts on something that someone else has said or done these are things that I have taken into my life and made my own. I am suggesting that you do the same, but only if you think those things will work for you also.

Change the conversation

So, last time we talked about how resistance is futile. And it really is true. The more energy you put into defending yourself, the more fuel you feed your attackers. Yet how can we be master of our domains and lord and ruler over our lives if we can't "fight back"?

Well, you can, just not directly. If someone is attacking your character and saying or doing things to tarnish your reputation, the simplest easiest thing to do is just ignore it. Whatever attention you focus on denying the things that people say about you just brings more attention to the fact that someone is claiming negative things about you.

People, in general, do not really care about the truth. They are going to believe whatever they want to believe. Bearing this fact in mind, it should come as no surprise that the more people there are that hear a negative thing about you, the more people there are that will believe that thing, no matter how strong your evidence to the contrary is.

If you feel that it is absolutely necessary to respond to the accusations of others it should be something that you state briefly and simply, no complex explanations. Remember people don't care. You either are guilty or you aren't and what you say about it isn't going to change their opinions.

Then move on to more important business. Most of the time that will be enough. Occasionally however, something more is needed. This next bit is something that I learned a long time ago but was reminded of recently, while watching an episode of the hit TV show Mad Men.

The show is about an advertising agency in the 1960's on Madison Avenue in New York. Most of the show is seen from the perspective of legendary ad man Don Draper, who is the ultra charismatic face man for the company. 

Season 3 episode 2 opens up with a meeting the agency is having with some of the guys that are developing the land that will be turned into Madison Square Garden. It comes up in the meeting that there are dozens of articles that have been printed in the New York Times about how terrible this building project is for the community. They go so far as to toe the line of defamation of character, calling the developers all kinds of unsavory things and claiming that they intend harm to both the neighborhood and the country.

Nothing fruitful comes out of that meeting. But later on in the episode Don Draper has a business dinner with one of the developers and he hits upon the perfect solution. He says " If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation." He goes on to point out that there is no reason to respond to the negative things that are being said. Instead he mentions that New York City is in a state of decay and that the Madison Square Garden project can be part of a new beginning for New York.
They decide to move forward by talking about the good instead of focusing on the bad.

That is a lesson that I think more people should learn. Regardless of how good or bad of a person you are, people are going to say and think bad things about you. But, if at every possible opportunity you change the conversation to something good (and true) then the people that want to believe good things about you will. And you really can't do anything about the others anyway. 

Resistance is futile

The Borg. They are a recurring "alien" race on various Star Trek TV shows. These people are basically humanoid but have had certain hardware bonded to their bodies such that they are a truly fascinating amalgamation of flesh and technology. They are truly bio-mechanical beings that can easily survive in hostile environments that would kill most people. The Borg have existed for millenia and spend their time flying around the galaxy assimilating other races and technologies.

They have a hive mind and each individual that becomes part of the collective adds to their pool of knowledge and resources. So, they have the might and technological know-how of trillions of people collected over thousands of years. The Borg can operate for days on end without tiring, have no fear and can adapt almost instantly to any type of attack, preventing the same thing from ever working on them twice.

These people have nowhere else to be other than wherever they happen to be at the moment and can always focus their entire time and attention to the current goal. It is their belief that given enough time they cannot fail and will always overwhelm their opponents in the end. You may win a battle with the Borg, but you will not win the war. They know this because they have thousands of years of history showing this to be true.

So their catchphrase is that resistance is futile. They have more time, resources and knowledge than you. Eventually, you will either give in or die. And with very few exceptions they are right.

I think of this when people are resisting things that are happening in their lives. Some things can be avoided or deflected in other directions. Some things though are unavoidable, things like the passage of time, the death of a loved one, someone falling out of love with you or the loss of your job once the decision to cut you loose has been made. Resisting and or denying those things doesn't get you anywhere. It often makes you look foolish to others, never makes the situation better and often makes it much worse.

A few years ago, a friend of mine in Lifespring had a phrase that kinda stuck with me. He used to say what you resist persists. At first I didn't get it. But, after some thought it started to make sense. When we spend time and energy resisting something, an equal amount of time and energy somehow ends up getting put into resisting us back . Think about it.

If someone tells you that they want you to stop wearing black shoes and you want to wear black shoes, you will automatically resist their request. You may have ten other pairs of shoes that are not black, but suddenly the desire to wear any other color is gone. You will wear your black shoes because who are they to tell you what to wear? The other person will see your black shoes and whether they say anything or not, their energy towards you will change.

They will likely become hostile or even aggressive at times when there doesn't seem like any rhyme or reason for it. A completely unnecessary mini war breaks out between the two of you over why you should or shouldn't be allowed to wear your black shoes. The whole thing could be avoided by you simply wearing different shoes, or by finding out the reason for the complaint and maybe coming to some compromise. But when we put energy into defending a thing, we are signaling to others, even if we don't mean to be, that we want them to be aggressive. What we see as a thing intended to protect us from attack others often see as a request for an attack, a challenge if you will.

So, while just giving in isn't really a viable option neither is fighting. Resistance is futile. Its just like running from a bear. Don't bother. You will just die tired.

Beyond Good and Evil pt2

So no I don't believe our choices make us good or bad people. But now for the part where I kind of do.

As children we are all blank slates. We start out from nothing with no knowledge of good or bad with no record of past successes or failures. We are filled with love for all people and all things. We have only one desire, one hope, one craving, to be loved back. And this is where most parents screw up.

When we yell at our children, we are voicing our disapproval with them. To them, when we do so, we are holding back our love or making it conditional on their behavior. Unless we are very careful and very specific we may unknowingly cause permanent harm to both their ego and their future lives.

A typical response to not liking something that a child is doing is to say that they are being bad. The problem with this is that even though you may realize that what you mean is the child is taking an action that you do not approve of, what they hear is that they ARE bad. Everyone knows that good people are loved and bad people are not. So when you tell the child that they are being bad, you are both declaring that they are a bad person and that you do not love them.

Now remember the whole blank slate concept? While an adult is free to decide for themselves what they think based on the input from others, a child has no such freedom. When children are young they have no concept of self other than what we give to them. So when we tell them that they are bad we are telling them that we don't love them and that they aren't worth loving.

An adult can just shrug that off. And to some degree, if it is just something that happens once a child may as well. But with repeated instances of the same type of thing, over time, eventually, the child will agree with you, even if it is just subconsciously.

Once that happens that person's whole life has been messed up. Because they see themselves as a bad person not worthy of love they will, without ever consciously thinking about it, make choices that support that theory. They will say and do things that cause other people to agree that they are bad and not worth loving. This leads to such fun things as drug abuse, other criminal activities, depression and suicide.

All that just from yelling at our kids? Should we let them just run rampant and do whatever they want? No that is really not an option either. So? What to do?

Well, as i said earlier you need to be very careful with what you say and how you go about it. Telling your child that they are bad or being bad is not the way. Comparing their actions with someone that is bad is often a better choice. While it may seem the same to you, it is not the same to them.

Explain to them that the action that they are taking is not a good action and that a person that wants to be good would not take that action. Reason it out and give them the choice of whether they want to be like a good person or like a bad person. Remember children are not idiots. They are simply younger less experienced versions of adults. Good, to them means loved. Bad, to them means unloved and unlovable. Most of the time, if  shown proper love and understanding and given the opportunity, they will make the right choice.

So to sum up, our good or bad choices do not make us good or bad people, unless we believe that they do. And that belief is harmful to us because it locks us into the framework of our routines. We are all just making our way through life making the best choices we can, some better than others. Very few people, if any are the maniacally cackling reveling in their badness kind of evil.

It makes for a good story though.

Beyond Good and Evil pt1

Nearly a year ago I talked about definitions for good and evil and how often one or the other is subjective due to circumstance. An action that is good for one may be bad for another and vice versa. At the time I promised more on the subject. However, there was so much more I wanted to say about other things that it got pushed aside. Today I am back for more on the topic.

Many stories, in both print and digital format have clearly defined boundaries. The presence or lack thereof of a character's moral fiber is easy to see. You often know from the very beginning who is the "good" guy and who is the bad. I am of course talking about classic tales of good and evil, things like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, Godzilla and other such fairy tales.

Life however isn't really much like those stories. Sure many of the components are there, romance, conflict and even the choices to do good or bad things. But, do those choices make us good or bad people? No, not really. And yes absolutely depending on your point of view. Seeing things as polarized, as black or white means ignoring all the colors in between. There is so much more but we often choose not to see it. So, of course, with any question where I answer on both sides of the fence more explanation is required.

Things happen during our daily lives. They don't happen to us. They just happen and we happen to be there when they do. During our lifetime we have a collection of things that we decide to do based on what the things are that happen. Some of those choices are good for us. Others are bad. Some of the choices that are good for us are good for others and some of them are bad for others. We are not the accumulation of all of these things. The accumulation of all these things is called experience. We are not our experiences. They are simply things that are in our past that we can use to assist us in choosing what to do in the future.

A person that has made many good choices in the past is often viewed as a good person especially if those choices have positively affected others. Conversely a person who has made many bad choices is often viewed as a bad person. These labels are not fair because they simply represent what we decided to do at given points in our lives. Other people do not live inside our heads. They do not know what went into making those decisions. So they are not qualified to judge. Also, and more importantly, at any given moment we are free to make new choices and take new actions that do not match those of what we have done in the past.

Think for a moment about a person who has been arrested for robbing a bank. Most people from that point on think of that person as a criminal. They see that person as someone that cannot be trusted. They did it once they will just do it again, right? Many times people that do these things are desperate. They know what they are doing is wrong but don't see any other option.  And after spending time in jail for their failure many of them would never attempt anything so foolish again.

Me vs Us versus Them

In this world, we are taught at a young age that it is a man eat man, dog eat dog, everyone for himself kind of situation. We are instructed to look out for number one and not worry too much about anyone else. We are told you have to look out for yourself because nobody else will. And let's face it, who cares about anyone else as long as you get yours, right?

This seems like a sound strategy, at first, as long as you don't really think about it. But once you do, you will realize that it can't really work for everyone. Sure, it works for some but it can't work for everyone. The only people who are going to get what they want are the ones that are willing to beat down or deprive others, those willing to force their way through and take from others so that they can have what they want.

Some examples of the extremes of this type of thinking being the general way of life are places like Somalia and some of the  Middle East. You have a few bullies and bad boys, those that are strong or powerful enough to live at the top of the food chain and everyone else suffers. Even most of those in the middle and bottom rungs of society are still only looking out for themselves. They just don't have the will or the means to get where they want to be.

It is not just those places where that mentality really doesn't work though. It really doesn't work anywhere. Why should anyone ever be willing to give you what you want if you aren't going to give them something in return? If you are not looking out for their interests there is no reason for them to look out for yours.

Once you start looking out for other people's interests as well as your own, things start to change a bit. Then it is no longer you against the world. You become part of a team and it is then us against the world. While there are more concerns with more people, there is more power as well. More people can do more work faster and handle more obstacles than each individual alone could ever hope to do.  Sure you will need to make concessions and compromises. But once others see that you are willing to do so, most of the time, they will as well.

Besides, the word us brings with it a kind of tingly warm and fuzzy feeling. You are no longer alone in looking out for your best interests. And that, in and of itself is a very rewarding feeling.

Us vs Them is better than Me vs the World. But, it still bears with it many of the same problems, just on a larger scale. In the Us vs Them scenario, it is your whole group vs the people and problems that you encounter that are not a part of "us" Because there are more of you, it is easier to force your way through and to simply push people and obstacles aside. As you do this though, you make enemies of "them". Then "they" are more likely to put up resistance with each further encounter. Sometimes this resistance will hardly even be noticeable. Other times it may threaten to destroy all that you have worked so hard to obtain.

The only really viable way to prevent this is to always or at least whenever possible create scenarios that work for all involved so that everyone gets what they want or at least the closest reasonable proximity.

You may not all live in the same place or have exactly the same goals, but if you are all looking out for each other each willing to make compromises for the other, there is no reason not to work together to make sure you all get what you want.

This way, each time, you fold more and more people into the us category, until you run out of people opposed to you. As opposition disappears and your goals become easier to achieve, Us vs Them will gradually work itself into We vs Nobody.

And We vs Nobody truly is the best system.

Breed out the habits you don't want.

We all have habits that don't serve us. It is the primary reason why our lives do not happen exactly the way we want them to. We say and do things on a regular basis that are contrary to what we "want".  The energy and focus that should go into carefully crafting our lives with laser focus gets shifted to other things. And then many things that should be opportunities for us seem to become impossible obstacles.

But what can you do about it? It is just human nature, right?  I mean, everybody has bad habits. There are things like smoking, overeating, swearing like a sailor, drinking too much, not listening to others, and overspending our budget (if we even have a budget) just to name a few. There are nearly as many different bad habits as there are people to explore them.

Often, our habits and not our desires are what run our lives. Without these things our lives would take a very different course. But, again, what can you do about it? Nearly all of us have struggled and failed to break a habit at some point.  Why? What makes it so hard? Shouldn't it be just as simple as identifying behavior that we don't like and then acting differently?

Perhaps it should, but things don't work that way. It is simple psychology. When we are told we can't have a thing, our minds rebel and decide to want that thing more fervently than ever. This happens even if it was a thing we had only marginal interest in before. Our subconscious minds do not understand or accept the concept of not or don't. When we tell ourselves not to do a thing, as much as we'd like it to be different, we are telling ourselves to do that thing.

Also, nature abhors a vacuum. You can't just take something away and expect things to be fine. Are we doomed then to forever be surrounded by our bad habits? Not hardly. For the answer I turn to a lesson I learned in high school about genetics.

Within a few generations it is possible to completely breed out traits that one finds undesirable. It is a little more complicated than what I am about to present but here are the basics. Let's say that you want all future children from a specific gene pool to have light hair.

You start with person A who has had dark haired children in their family for many generations. Then there is person B whose lineage is all light haired people. In genetics, different traits, such as hair color are called alleles. When creating new life, traits are passed in pairs, sometimes one from the mother and one from the father and sometimes both from one parent. Each parent has a pair of traits passed from their parents before them.

We know that dark hair is a dominant trait and light hair is a recessive trait. So we will say the person with dark hair has their traits represented by the letters TT and the light haired person has their traits represented by the letters tt. From these two parents we have four possible combinations for this particular trait.  TT, Tt, tT and tt. Suppose that the child of these two parents inherits only the dominant  trait. They would be represented by TT. Now suppose they inherited only the recessive. Then their hair color would be represented by tt. The remaining two are what is called dominant recessive since they have the genetic material from both parents. In most cases the dominant recessive trait ends up being expressed as the dominant trait, in this case dark hair.  So our initial parents would have a 75 percent chance of children with dark hair and a 25 percent chance of children with light hair.

Any light haired children from this pairing would be showing the tt or recessive trait. Assuming we were to run this experiment with a large group of people we could pair up the children(once they grew up of course) with the recessive traits with others that had the dominant recessive traits. Then our grouping would look something like this.  Initial pairings. Tt, tt. Possible combinations that their children would have are,  Tt,Tt,tt,tt. With this grouping you end up with a 50 percent chance of either light or dark hair and even any children with dark hair would still be dominant recessives.

At this point it is possible to take those second generation recessives, people who have light hair and had at least one parent with light hair and breed them with other second generation recessives and be nearly one hundred percent likely to end up with light haired offspring. The alleles tt and tt only allow for the recessive trait in future generations.

Now what does this mean for our bad habits? We can't just eliminate them. Our bad habits are dominant traits. When we try to etch them out of our lives we just ingrain them further and further, unless we introduce something new. You really can't just stop smoking. You have to start something, to fill the void left by the lack of the bad habit.

The good habit becomes our "recessive" trait, something that at first we might not do if we don't force ourselves to. But over time that dominant trait begins to give way and then our inclination is towards the dominant recessive. When we focus on it we can make the recessive show through, but left to our own devices the dominant will shine. Eventually, if we work at it long enough, we breed out the dominant trait until all that is left is the recessive and then we have a new habit, a good one.

Two masters pt2

A person can do what they believe is best for themselves or they can do what is best for the community. Very often though a person can not do both. Within our home we have three different small groups of people. Two by design and one that is just sort of happening.

The first is renters, people who do not have an interest in our overall vision and goals. These people just pay money to share some of our extra space.As long as they continue to pay their rent on time and do not make a nuisance of themselves, how they live and what they do in general is of no
consequence to us.

The second group is the people that are committed to our vision and goals who are dedicated to improving the lives of not just our community but of creating gradual world change.Instead of having a specific person that decides what we are or are not allowed to do we let our ideals decide. At any
point where our goals alone are unable to provide a clear picture of what to do we put things to a vote.

The third group is a splinter of the second. Those in this third group think a lot of the things we stand for are good ideas but they want to go off and do their own thing somewhere else. They are part of our group for now, but in a couple of years they won't be.

The problem with this is, in the past they could be counted on to always make whatever decisions were best for our household on the whole. Now, it seems like a crap shoot whether or not they will do what is best for themselves or best for all of us. In the past the two things were one and the same- Now they are not.

This creates disharmony. It seems unfair to ask a person to make choices that are not in their own best interest. But when those choices are better for you, it is difficult not to ask them to do so. It was kind of the whole point of us all living together in the first place.

There is kind of an us vs them mentality at times, as if we were rivals instead of friends. This is somewhat infuriating to me because I don't think that way. I see all of us as us. In my mind, we either all succeed together or we all fail together.

It is not impossible for us to move forward with our goals while they move forward with theirs but things are certainly more complicated this way. There are less win-win circumstances and sometimes the compromises that we end up making are less than ideal.

For me, I guess, the biggest problem is, I want to respect their goals and wishes while at the same time pushing towards going in the direction that is best for our group goals and vision. I don't want to choose between the two.

But I have to. So, I will focus on and in the end insist on whatever is best for those in our inner circle. I will still be polite and respectful whenever possible but much less concerned about the thoughts and feelings of those that are choosing a different master than my own.

Two masters pt1

A couple of times, I have mentioned that I see myself as a highly spiritual being. For the past decade or two, though, I haven't been a very religious person. But, from time to time, things bubble up from the past when I was.

Sometimes it is ethics or ideals ingrained at a young age. Other times it is a few words of common wisdom from the long remembered past. This particular thing that I want to talk about is a biblical quote from when I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness(No, I did not ever get it right)

According to Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

While this verse is specifically talking about God and money, it is true with all things. I don't think that the love and hate part are really true. I think you could love one and be kind of neutral towards the other or love both, just one a little more than the other, like Ruffles vs Fritos. However, there can not be two number ones. You can work towards two separate goals, but when a conflict of interest occurs you must pick one over the other. And when forced to choose, you show others which is more important to you based on which one you pick.  

Within ourselves, we can want one thing in our heart and another with our minds, but if the two things are in different directions we need to decide which one matters more to us or we will never, can never be happy. For example, if in your heart you really want to settle down and start a family, and in your mind you decide that you are better off alone, how do you make both happen? You really can't. Only one or the other is possible. You can't have both and need to choose between them and then dedicate yourself to whichever goal you choose.

At your place of work, you can do things your way or you can do things your boss's way. Unless the two ways are the same you cannot do both. Choosing which way to do things at work should be easy. You are being paid to do what it is that the boss says regardless of what you think is right or how you think things should be done. It is sort of the definition of having a job. You get paid to do what it is that your supervisor tells you to do.

At home, in a lot of homes, there is a clear person in charge, the patriarch, matriarch or alpha. In such places one person's word is law and in order to maintain harmony all others must comply with that law. While everyone follows along and does as they are told things run smoothly. When people decide to go against the established rules punishment and or discipline are meted out until everyone gets with the program again. 

Money creates boredom

I was having this conversation with someone online the other day and he said something that I found pretty difficult to believe. Somehow the conversation turned to wealth. The gentleman that I was talking to asserted very strongly that if the average person became rich, they would become bored after only a few months if they didn't have to work. He made it very clear that he would feel that way personally, but that he wasn't talking about just himself. It was his belief that pretty much everyone would want to go back to work within a year or two.

So, I thought about what an "average" person's life is like. You are startled out of a sound sleep by the clanging and clamoring of an alarm clock, cursing the person who set up this cruel torture device, only to remember that it was you. Still bleary eyed, you stumble into the shower cursing alternately as it starts out too cold and then gets too hot for comfort.

After the ritual dowsing of water and whatever other super secret things you do in the bathroom, you emerge covered in different, clean scents and dress for the day. You pour yourself a "cup of ambition", as Dolly Parton would say, and head out into gridlock on your way to the cubicle farm.

There are a few close calls, but you arrive safely at work. Then a whole new set of trials and tribulations awaits you, customer complaints, bosses demanding impossible things by the day before yesterday and other such pleasantries. Eventually, the work day ends and you head back out into the concrete jungle for your homeward journey.

When you do finally arrive home, frustrated and exhausted, often you find that you really just want to call it a day and hope tomorrow is better. Before that though there is some time in front of the television and maybe even some dinner.

If you are single, it ends there. However, if you are married, have children or both, there is so much more in between each other little detail of your day and so much less time to do it. You love your family and desperately want to spend more time with them but the focus and attention that you give to them takes away from other things that are nearly, if not just as important as they are and you find yourself being stretched too thin with no relief in sight.

Well, there is that one to two weeks a year that you shut out work and all the frustrating exhausting things that drive you nuts the rest of the time. That two percent of the year you relax and unwind. You let it all go and recharge your batteries so to speak.

And that is where my side of the discussion comes in. What if you could afford to stretch that two week vacation into a lifetime of no more alarm clocks? What would it be like,  if you could wake up whenever and wherever you wanted to, refreshed because you actually got enough sleep?

Imagine with me. If you wanted to, you could hang out with the kids watching television and playing video games all day. You could go anywhere or do anything that you want. Go water skiing, travel around the world, backpack through the Appalachians, visit every theme park on the planet. Take your spouse to Rome, Paris, or Tahiti. Why pick one? Do them all. Turn that once per month hobby into a once per day thing. Pick up some new hobbies.

In my personal life, I have quite a bit of free time and I don't ever get bored. What limits me from doing a great many more things is not having the funds to do so. If there was more money available there would be more options, more things to do. Unless one is limited in imagination how can more options lead to less fun?

Why can't we all just get along?

The late great George Carlin, one of my all time favorite comedians, used to do a bit about growing up Catholic. He would relate a lot of his experiences many of them as things that just didn't make sense to him. After all that's really what comedians do. They talk about things that don't make sense and share with their audience the wrongness of things. And that wrongness makes us laugh. It is literally what humor is.

But sometimes once the laughter dies down and you've had some time to think about things you realize things don't have to be that way. Part of making the world a better place is about first observing that something is wrong with it. And then doing our best to make it right. The particular conversation that he has about the Bible that has stuck with me the most is about the ten commandments.

He would go down the list a few times and each time he would show how one commandment was similar to one or two others. He would then say if the commandment in question was already covered somewhere else there was no need for redundancy and  it could be removed. It was very well done. At the end he would have just one or two commandments and decided that they could be summed up by one simple all encompassing commandment.

Don't be an a$$#01e.

The basic premise of all the commandments is sort of the inverse of the "golden rule" . Don't do things to other people that you don't want them doing to you or anything of yours. If you think about it, this is really what the ten commandments are all about. If you wouldn't want it to happen to you, don't do it or make it happen to someone else.

Jesus apparently agreed with George Carlin. Or maybe it was the other way around. Because when questioned about what really mattered Jesus basically said "love god and love your neighbor as yourself and that's it" http://lnk.to/VfTqX

Bill and Ted agree, when asked what is important they say several times "Just be excellent to one another". So pop culture and the Bible agree. What about other religions? The Wiccan rede, An ye harm none do as thou wilt, which a great many "pagans" subscribe to seems to follow the same basic philosophy as Carlin.  My understanding of Islam is somewhat limited but what I have read of the Koran does seem to lean towards peaceful living and tolerance of others. Also I have very little personal experience with Judaism but what I have seen and heard leads me to believe it is just as tolerant and forgiving as Christianity or Islam. Taoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism are very much about acceptance and tolerance.

As far as indigenous tribes, while some have indeed been very warlike, many of them have lived peacefully off the land for hundreds or thousands of years as complete pacifists. Some of them did not even have a word in their language for the concept of war until they encountered more "modern" societies.

Nearly every major religion, philosophy and faith has George Carlin's one commandment deeply ingrained within its roots. It is the key to living in peace and happiness. It is all that is required in order for us to be able to get along with one another. But the world is in a terrible state with many people just out for themselves with no concern for others. We don't live with this world alone. We share it with other people that have the same kinds of thoughts, concerns, feelings, hopes and dreams that we do.

Why don't more of us follow George Carlin's commandment? Why not start following it now?

Comcast vs our Internet. Round 22

Most of what I write has a clear positive message. I do not enjoy complaining just as I know others do not enjoy hearing complaints, so I tend to do as little of it as possible. As a word of warning, I am looking for the lesson in this story, what I can learn from it. So, I apologize in advance, if there is nothing positive for you to take away from it. Also it is a bit long and I just didn't feel like splitting it up. So, here it is.

A few months ago, back in January, I wrote about what a wonderful internet provider Comcast is (http://lnk.to/oFc0m) . Since January, we have paid them over $1500 and our internet still does not work properly.

When we call in and talk to the tier 1 representatives, most of them have no idea what we are talking about. What they are trained to deal with is people who have no internet signal at all. We get asked to do things like make sure the cable modem has power and that all of our cables are connected properly. When we inform them that the problem isn't whether or not we can connect to the internet, that the problem has something to do with lost packets, high ping times and signal degradation they start drooling and jiberring like their brains have been totally blown and are now oozing slowly out their earholes.

Each time, they want to walk us through this inane and completely useless set of steps that is designed to discover why you have no signal at all. Then once we finally get it through their heads that we do in fact have a signal, just that it is a crappy one, then they move on to asking whether or not we have a wired or a wireless network set up. When we tell them that our network is wireless, but that for testing purposes we have set up one computer that is hard wired and that it is getting the same results they latch on to the wireless portion of the conversation and then claim that they can't help us troubleshoot because our network is wireless which they do not support. We could just lie to them and say its wired. But, then we would be lying.

Through a combination of threatening to terminate our service and requests to speak to management we eventually move past that part and get to the part where they offer to send out a technician. And that is where the "fun" begins.

There isn't always someone available here to meet up with the Comcast technician. Sometimes one of us needs to come home early from work or even take time off just to be here when the technician gets here. And about half of the time, the appointment is not kept due to the technician not showing up. When we remember to complain about it, after the fact, Comcast is good about crediting our account for the missed appointment.

But all of that isn't what bothers me about this. What bothers me is when I originally blogged about this back in January, we had been having this intermittent issue with our internet service for several months. We are still having exactly the same issue. Many, many, many steps have been taken. But all have been shots in the dark.

See Comcast has this one major issue that a lot of other companies have, especially larger corporations. The problem isn't that they hire idiots or that they fail to train their employees properly. While both of these are contributing factors. It is that they do not have a centralized database that all of their employees can access.

They do have a database and when we call in some of the reps we have gotten on the phone have been able to look up notes from past calls but others have not. And something a lot of people don't realize is that the technicians that Comcast sends out do not work directly for Comcast. They are licensed contractors and have no access at all to any information about what has been going on in the past.

And THAT is what makes me mad. Whenever a technician comes out to our house, we are starting a fresh round of troubleshooting as if nothing has ever been done. They know that we have been having problems for awhile and each one wants us to see them as the super hero that fixes our problem. Each one of them has a different knowledge base and believes that different things will cause the issue that we have.

Sometimes it is declared that a new modem will fix things but they don't carry them on their truck. So an appointment has to be made to get a new modem. And then either that appointment gets cancelled without our knowledge or the appointment is kept, but a different technician comes out that knows nothing about the replacement modem we are supposed to be getting.
Then this new guy asks us what the problem is and we get to start all over.

We have actually had the cable modem replaced twice. We have run our system both with a router and without. We have used five different splitters, two of which came from Comcast( two others which "Comcast" technicians suggested but weren't supported by Comcast and one we bought from Radio Shack). Comcast technicians have twice run a completely new line from the box at the back of the house into our house, drilling a hole through our wall each time. They have run a new line from the pole to the box in the back of our house. We have been told that hooked up but unused coaxial cables for cable TV can interfere with the signal. All of our coax cables have been capped except for the main one we actually use to watch TV.

Every component inside our network has been changed, many of them more than once. Our internal network works flawlessly. We can see and interact with other computers on our network even when our internet service is down. We can have in-house Skype calls at times when there is "no internet".

It is my personal opinion that these are all just shots in the dark. Nobody actually working directly for Comcast knows or at the very least is willing to admit that they know what is causing our problems.

Multiple technicians have come out and told us that they have received nearly identical complaints from some of our neighbors. We have been told multiple times, in person, that Comcast is aware of issues with their infrastructure in our area. I think the Comcast technicians know exactly what is wrong but are contractually obligated not to tell us because it would make Comcast look bad. They know that they can't fix the problem for us and aren't allowed to tell us that. So they make up some story that will let them leave as soon as possible and make it some other person's problem

Most recently we were told by a technician, at our house, that our neighbors had improperly set up their service and that as a result their signal was spiking and "slicing" across ours and causing signal degradation and loss of signal altogether at times. Another appointment was set to have an installer come out to their house and fix the problem. Comcast cancelled that appointment without telling us or providing a reason for it. Then when we called in to find out about it nobody seemed to know what we were talking about. A technician came out today and ran a new line from the box to our house. Yay another hole in our walls.

Surprise! It didn't fix things. It seemed to work fine for about ten minutes, just long enough for the cable installer to be gone. Then we started having trouble again. They are sending someone out again in another two days. We asked for billing so we could talk about getting a credit and billing suggested we wait until the trouble is fixed so they can give us the proper credit. Does anyone in their right mind believe they are going to credit us for the last 9 months or so that we have paid for a service that hasn't worked as described?

I don't believe in complaining without having a solution. But in this case there doesn't seem to be an easy solution. Comcast offers the best consumer service in our area. AT&T is a distant second. We would go with satellite but it has its own problems that are just as bad if not worse.

Perhaps there is a provider that offers high speed internet for businesses that we could convince to work with us. We are currently paying around three thousand dollars a year. That has to fall in line with what some of the business providers are charging for similar service. The only other thing I can think of at the moment is finding out what would be involved in becoming our own ISP. I am looking for other viable solutions.

I don't know I can't try.

When going about our daily lives people often ask us questions. They may want to understand what it is that we are doing or to understand why we are doing things a certain way. Perhaps they see something that they like and want to emulate. Or maybe they see a better way of doing things and want to suggest them to us.

We respond to these queries and suggestions in many different ways. But there are three response in particular that do not serve us. They are not empowering and do nothing to make the situation better. 

When asked why we are doing a certain thing or what we think about something, especially when it is something that we need to make a choice about, a pretty common reply is I don't know. When asked to do a thing in a new way, something that we have never done before frequently we will agree to try. And then after a few unsuccessful attempts we will reply that we can't do that thing or can't do it that way.

To me these three responses should be stricken from common usage. As a matter of fact, I think we should remove the words from our vocabulary altogether. Why do I feel this way?

Simply put they are not the truth. They are excuses that often prevent the truth from coming out and certainly they block a great many breakthroughs from happening. Let's look at each individually.

Try. It is a word that means an attempt. But there is no sense of commitment in this attempt at all. We are not investing anything in the outcome of the attempt. The other thing that most people miss about trying is that the attempt is over once success is obtained. You are never trying at the same time as you are succeeding. Succeeding at a thing is doing that thing. why would you ever make it your goal to try to do something when you could make it your goal to do that thing? As yoda says "Do or do not. There is no try"

I can't. This phrase is not only disempowering. It is also a lie. With enough time, energy and drive, a person can do anything that they set their mind to. We humans have proven that we can fly, walk through fire and live underwater. It may require tools we don't currently have access to and effort we have yet to provide but We can do anything. Can't is simply an excuse. It is a statement that means we have made an attempt and given up or never bothered to make the attempt because we believe we are going to fail. When we say we can't do something what we really mean is doing that thing is not important enough to me for me to find a way past whatever obstacles there may be.

I don't know. This one, I think, is the big brother of I can't and is also a lie. And to be clear I am aware that there are things we do not know, like the exact number of stars in the universe or grains of sand on planet Earth. What I am talking about is when someone asks you how you feel or think about a certain thing or what you think the right thing to do in a situation is.

When a person asks you how you feel about something, subconsciously, an answer springs into your head immediately. You know, right away, exactly how you feel about that thing. But for whatever reason, maybe its fear of ridicule or of someone not sharing your opinion or some other consequence you don't want to deal with, more often than not a person will say I don't know.

What happens is, you decide that you need time to think about it and that you are not going to think about it now. What I don't know really means is I haven't taken the time to consciously accept how I feel and to put that answer into words that others might find acceptable. And while you are busy "not knowing" any meaningful resolution to the circumstance that involves you  cannot occur.

Think about these words. Go over situations in your head that have happened in the past, both where you have used them and when others have used them. See how they don't serve us. See how these words hold us back and prevent us from reaching our goals. Then make a conscious effort to remove them from your way of being.

Be real. Be honest.

Don't try. If you haven't done something but do intend to do it declare that you are going to do it.

Don't say I can't. IF you haven't put in the time and energy to figure out how to do it freely admit it and then declare whether or not you intend to do it.

Don't say I don't know. If you are afraid of being judged for how you feel, start out your answer with that statement, but share how you truly feel. If you aren't 100 percent sure about your answer admit that, but answer the question with what you really do think based on what you do know.

A test of courage

Today I want to talk about the past. Most people tend to look at their past deeds and either use them to bolster themselves up or to hold themselves back. Think about it.

There's the guy who thinks he is better than everyone else because of who he used to be in high school. He was the letter wearing football star and he's still lording it over everyone within earshot about how he is better than them. Look he even has proof! There's his signed mvp ball. And he was homecoming king. Or how about the local chess champion? He's smarter and more important than you because of that one tournament that nobody thought he was going to win.

Or how about the girl who was the head cheerleader? She's prettier and better than everyone else, yes even you and again she has proof. Look at all her trophies. She was uncontested queen of the "in" crowd and acts as if she still is.

And what about all the other guys and gals, the ones who were just middle of the road and didn't accomplish anything great while the others were busy being superstars? A lot of those people look at their lack of accomplishments and beat themselves up about it. They point at their past deeds and say, see I've not done anything of note yet and nor am I ever likely to.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am here to say that that is complete bullshit. All of it. What makes me say this? There is a card named A Stout Heart, that is part of the Legends of the Five Rings card game that I'd like to quote. It says " The only true test of courage is the last one."

See the L5R card game is about samurai protecting their clans and their empire from evil. Think about it. If a man stands up against evil five times in a row he is labeled courageous and maybe even a hero. But when evil comes around the sixth time, if he runs and hides then he is labeled a coward.

What a man has done in the past gives an indication of how he is likely to act in the future. But it is not your actions in the past that determine what kind of person you are, just as it is not the actions you intend to take in the future. It is your actions in the present that determine who you are and what kind of person you are.Maybe you made the wrong choices in the past. But every now is filled with new opportunities to make better choices.

You are not the same person you were twenty or even ten years ago. The person that had those massive successes or massive failures no longer exists. You are a completely different person with different abilities and different limitations. Don't look to your past to see what is possible for you.

Except as a source of colorful stories about the way things used to be and maybe as learning experiences, ignore the past.  Create a new now that matches your goals and ideals and never look back.

What if there is no eternity?

Most organized religion teaches that this life is merely a precursor for that which is to come after it is over. We are told that it is just the blink of an eye as compared to the eternal life that follows. The actions of our short now, will be used to judge us and determine whether the forever that we get is one of reward, punishment or limbo.

Because we don't want the punishment or limbo we are urged to live the best lives that we can. We are instructed to do good things. We are told to be good people. That way we can get the reward. And to that end many people go beyond what is necessary even to the point of putting themselves through great misery and suffering to "ensure" that they get that reward in the end.

There is, however, no proof that such an eternal reward exists. It is entirely possible that this life is all there is with no reincarnation afterwards and no heaven, hell or limbo. If that is the case, then what reason is there to do good things. If there is no penalty for being evil, why not be evil?

Well, the thing is, there is a penalty. You may not be sentencing yourself to an eternity of burning pain, but there is always a penalty for doing bad things. While you may get something good out of harming another person, you also cannot do a person wrong without doing yourself wrong as well.

You may not see it at the time but this is always true. Other people see how you act and determine how they will or whether or not they will interact with you based on what they see and hear. You may get a little bit ahead by having unfair dealings with some people. But others that could have helped you get even further ahead will see your actions and decide they have no interest in working with you.

The same is true of your romantic interests. If you are mean or unfair in the way in which you deal with people that you are intimate with, others will see it and even if they don't see it directly, the person you are being mean to will share that information with others.

A series of such actions one after the other will gradually diminish the opportunities available to you, preventing you from being able  to obtain and enjoy many of the things that you may have otherwise had. And even if that weren't the case, whether or not you are willing to admit it, you know when you have wronged someone else and when you have, your conscience isn't going to just stand by and ignore it. It will weigh on you and prevent you from enjoying other good things in your life. 

On the other hand, a person never has doubts or second thoughts about whether or not they did the right thing when they do good things. Doing good things, especially selfless good things makes us feel good. Being good to one another creates positive energy within us, within those we do the good things for and in the local universe around us.

If there is no eternal reward for having lived a good life, if this life is the only one we will ever have or at least the only one we can ever truly remember, then it falls on each of us to make this life as close to perfect for ourselves and those around us as we can. Then, if it turns out that there is a reward for the good deeds you did in this life, you get that too.

Nice and good. Are they synonyms?

These two words, nice and good are often associated together. When asked to think of the pinnacle of goodness many people will think of someone very much like Aunt May from the Spiderman comics. This imaginary paragon, is poor but still manages to give to charity, goes to church religiously, never hurts a soul, has a kind word to say about pretty much everyone is always willing to help someone else out and is a true pleasure to be around just about all day everyday.

But, other than the going to church part, it is really kind of hard to separate the good things that she does from the nice things. So? Does it follow that being a good person makes one a nice person? Or perhaps it is the other way around. Maybe being a nice person makes one a good person. And, if they are not directly connected, does she do those things because she is good or because she is nice? 

She is both. Aunt May is a good person. She is also a nice person. It is my opinion that Aunt May has the luxury of being perfect because she isn't real. Her motivations and actions sync up perfectly simply because that is how she is scripted to be. We'd like to think that everyone is like that. But how many people really are?

At first glance it might seem to be a difficult thing to pick apart good actions from nice actions, especially when the circumstances are all pleasant. Sure it is easy to do the right thing and be a pleasant person in the best of times, but what about when you are asked to do things that are morally ambiguous or worse yet, when you are asked to do things that you know are wrong? Multiple studies have been done with controlled situations, designed to test this very thing.

A large group of people were individually told that they were going to get a reward for pressing a button as long as they pressed it whenever they were told to. There was a control group for whom the test was nothing more. Would they press the button when told to or not. There was a reward and nothing more. When told to, they all pressed the button as instructed. This simply set up a baseline. It more or less told the researchers something they already knew. When there is a clear reward for taking an action and no compelling reason not to practically everyone will take that action.

Then the real test began. An actor was paid to sit on the other side of a wall from the people being tested. The button was hooked up in such a way as to signal this actor that it had just been pressed. The actor would then cry out and appear to be someone in intense physical pain. Each time the button was pressed their anguish seemed to increase. After five or so button presses the actor "died".

What were the results of these studies? In many cases the people who others thought of as nice kept pressing the button every time they were instructed to do so right up to and even after the actor supposedly died. When asked why, they often replied that they were just following the instructions as they were asked to do. In the second world war there was a very specific group of people that had the same excuse for their extremely heinous actions. You might have heard of them. I think think they were called the Nazis?

Whereas the nice people were willing to inflict pain on others for a reward or just to follow orders, many of the people that others considered rebels, those who were rude, obnoxious, stubborn or defiant people refused to press the button once they realized that there was a direct negative consequence to another human being for their actions.

So. Yeah. I see the difference now. No, they are definitely not synonyms. Most of the people that we think of as nice are just easy to get along with simply because they are doing exactly what is expected of them and aren't putting up a fight for what is right. Their attitude is smooth because they are just coasting along following orders.

In a perfect world, the "rules" would all be good things and following the rules would always be doing the right thing. We don't live in that perfect world, yet. But we can create it. Until we do, I think I'll pick being good over being nice. How about you?

Do as thou wilt pt2

Sure, homosexuality is a sin but so are all of those other things. What's that saying again? Oh yeah, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Measuring them just by their actions and the directions in their own book, few if any Christians have any right to say anything about what anyone else
is doing, other than to observe that the other person is ALSO not following the Bible.

Now let's talk about those Christians that just want to follow the New Testament. After all if you've read both it almost seems like the Old Testament and New Testament God are two different guys. The Old is full of fire and brimstone and punishment. The New is a more loving understanding God. Who wouldn't want to just skip the icky part?

But is that really okay? I mean wouldn't that be like if your Dad handed you a list of chores that he wanted done and it was two pages long and you just decided to do the second page because it was shorter? But it's okay though right? You did the whole second list, every item on it.

Having said that there is very little in the New Testament on who can and can't sleep with who, especially when looking for man on man or woman on woman action.  But there is something interesting that Jesus said in the book of Matthew Chapter 22.

35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Read that last part again. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets. In other words the whole Bible and its message can be boiled down to two things. Love God first and foremost and love your neighbor as yourself.

That kind of reminds me of the Wiccan Rede, An ye harm none, do as thou wilt. At first glance the two might not seem the same but, many Wiccans believe that the whole universe and everything within it is a single being, that we are part of everything. In such a belief system, harming God, harming your neighbor, harming the world in general and harming yourself are all the same thing.

If this is your belief system, essentially, following this advice that it is okay to do whatever you want as long as you aren't harming anyone else makes you just as "sinless" as a person who follows every dictate of the Bible to the letter. If Wiccan law and Christian law are pretty much the same where does the intolerance come in?

And last but not least (for now) where is the part of the Bible that says we should be angry and hate filled towards those who do sin? There are plenty of places where it says to avoid them if possible and a great many more where it says to avoid being like them. But to hate them? It specifically says the opposite. We are to love all our neighbors not just the sinless ones.

What should that look like? Even under Old Testament law it should be more like a parent chastising/punishing an unruly child. Someone that you truly love you are hesitant to cause pain and suffering to, even if it is for their own good in the long run. When was the last time you saw or even heard of someone preaching intolerance showing any hesitance whatsoever to condemn or in fact cause injury to someone that they labeled a sinner?

Do as thou wilt pt1

Today I want to talk about intolerance and ignorance. There is a great deal of it in the world and it comes from people around the world that follow many different religions. From what I have seen the biggest amount of intolerance comes from Christian and Islamic teachings.  I am not as familiar with Islam. So for now the discussion will primarily revolve around Christianity.

During the time that I was a Jehovah's Witness, and indeed for several years afterwards, I spent many hours reading and cross-referencing passages in the Bible. I have read it from cover to cover and have a better memory of and understanding of it than most people that I have met and talked to.

There are Christians, a great many of them in fact, who believe that if you are not following the whole Book down to every last letter and detail that you are not a true follower of God and that you are going to end up in a not so pleasant place after you die. Most of those people have no idea what is in their Bible, at least not anymore than whatever their local preacher tells them on Sunday.

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. -- Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Been to any good stonings lately? What about a woman defending her man?

Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

Did you know that wearing a polyester/cotton blend was a sin?

Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together."

There are literally dozens more examples just like this. In the interest of conserving both time and space I will just list a few of the other things that the Bible prohibits.

Tattoos, shaving your beard, fortune telling, divorce, and eating bacon are all no-nos. All of these things are in the Bible. Do you know any adult Christian who stones their bad children, wears no clothing made of two different types of fabric, has no tattoos, doesn't shave, has never been divorced and won't eat bacon?

I hate to say it, but from my perspective it seems like the man lovers and the bacon lovers are going to the same place. Sin isn't about personal preference, about what you are comfortable with. According to the Bible sin is about what God is or isn't okay with. You don't get to pick and choose what is or isn't a sin. It is all there in black and white.

My thoughts on "gay"

Society in general abhors abnormality or so we are led to believe.The LGBT community is out of the ordinary so we should hate them right? Well what about celebrities, people whose lives we celebrate. Their lives are abnormal. Why don't we hate all of them?

I am a heterosexual male. Many of my friends are either gay or bisexual. In my local group my preferences are abnormal. Should my friends tear me down for my choices? They are open and loving and accepting of my way of being just as I am of theirs. Having different sexual preference just means that we are not compatible sexual partners. We can still be good people and good friends.

My point of view, I realize is very liberal. As long as you aren't trying to enforce your way of being onto me and saying that I have to be just like you, I really don't care what you do behind closed doors. And I don't think anyone else should either. It's not like homosexuals are going to out breed the heterosexuals. So what's the problem?

Sure if everyone "chose" to become gay the world population would suffer and we would all eventually die out. But, that simply won't happen. No matter what is said or done, some people will always decide to have children. And remember, all of this started with just a single couple right?

Most of the gay bashing that I have ever seen or heard of has occurred out of fear. But fear of what? A rational, sane, logical person has nothing to fear from the homosexual community in general. Men that fear gays are often afraid of being raped by them. Now for an extremely small portion of the population, that might be a legitimate concern. But the person who would perpetrate this heinous crime would most likely still do it and have an easier time of it if they were straight. So, shouldn't that then be simply fear of a sexual predator and not fear of a gay person?

In my opinion, the only people who have any real fair reason to believe that homosexuality is wrong are those that subscribe to an organized religion whose holy scripture specifically declares that what these people are doing is wrong. For example, the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin. So, good Christians are required by their religion to be heterosexual AND to inform those who are not heterosexual that they are sinning.. The Bible does not however say that we should hate those who sin. It specifically says that we should love them even more and that through love and understanding they may come around to the "right" way. I don't really believe that last part, but it is in there.

Now on to the topic of choice. I say that being gay is not a choice, just as being straight is not a choice. I've heard and seen many times peer pressure being applied to a person to get them to be like everyone one else. I have often heard the phrase "well have you tried not being gay?" People who ask you to try being straight or not being gay are really asking you to pretend to like something that you don't, to be someone that you aren't.

I think an example here is in order. I am a carnivore. I can and will eat vegetables, sometimes and in limited amounts, but I do not like to.  I could go the rest of my life without eating any meat. I could. But I won't. I do not get enjoyment out of eating vegetables. Meat on the other hand I enjoy very much. Being a carnivore is a preference. I don't choose it. We don't actually choose our preferences They are just things that simply are..

Also, if I have a craving for pork, chicken or beef are not gonna cut it. Sure, they will sate my immediate hunger, but the desire for pork is not going to go away until I have pork. 

Sexuality is the same way. Being intimate with a man or a woman is a choice. Preferring to be intimate with a man or a woman is not a choice. It just is what you like. The only choice is what you do about that preference.

And last but not least, you have no right to even claiming what your preference is, if you haven't tried out the alternate options. If you have never had a tomato before, you don't know what it tastes like. Stating that you don't like tomatoes and doing your best to avoid them just makes you look foolish.

I tried being with a man sexually. I didn't like it. I think I could go for being a lesbian though.

To trust or not to?

Years ago, while going through a transformational workshop, I had an experience that I would like to relate to you. There were a little over a hundred of us in this large meeting room at a local hotel. During one of the breaks all of the chairs were removed from the room. When we came back in, the room was completely open and spacious.

The trainer informed us that we were about to do an exercise on trust. The instructions were simple. Each of us was to go around the room and in a ten minute period of time have a single interaction with as many of the others as we could. We weren't required to talk to everyone and we could pick and choose who we did and did not interact with. But the interaction itself was very specific. We were to walk up to a person, smile, look them right in the eye and say either "Hi, I trust you" or "Hi, I don't trust you". Loud dance music was played so that even though we were all together in the same room, each conversation was a private one.

Now the thing here is, none of us knew each other. We were all different people from different walks of life who had each independently signed up for this class. So there were no no preformed relationships. The only things people could base their decisions on was what the other person looked like or sounded like when they walked up and said hello.

For many people this was a very eye opening experience. In some cultures people almost never look each other in the eyes because it is seen as a sign of aggression. They never make a direct personal connection with anyone. For some people, they found out that although they had previously thought they were very trusting of others, in reality, they didn't trust anyone.  By the end of the ten minutes a whole lot of people were crying, some with happiness many more with the sadness of realizing the way they made choices just wasn't working for them. We got to see how we judged other people and how other people judged us. A great many breakthroughs were had that day.

Afterwards, there was another break and all the chairs were brought back in. Once we were all back, seated comfortably, the trainer passed a microphone around the room and asked us all to share our experiences. Most of the people said they found themselves saying more often than not that they did not trust the people they were interacting with simply because they were strangers. Many of the people that said they did trust the person they were saying hello to was because they were attracted to that person in some way.

I found my experience to be unique among all of the people that chose to share because I trusted everyone. I said hello and told every person I talked to that I trusted them. Was I just doing this to curry personal favor or to make them smile or in the hopes that they would say they trusted me back? Nope. It was the absolute truth.

See, I don't look at trust like most other people do. The commonly held belief is that if you trust a person you believe they won't do anything to hurt you. So, based on that if you believe a person won't hurt you, you say you trust them and if you believe they will, you say you don't trust them.

What I believe is a little different than that. I believe that each person is the most important person in the world to themselves. It is also my belief that people are generally good and want to do the right thing. But, when a conflict of interest occurs a person will, nearly without fail, do the thing that is good for themselves, regardless of how it affects others. I believe that it is hardly ever the intention of another person to hurt me, it is just more convenient than harming themselves.

A complete stranger, one whom I know nothing about and knows nothing about me, has nothing to gain by hurting me. There is no reason for me to believe they have any intention of hurting me. So, I trust them. Now that is not to say that my guard is completely down and inviting an attack. I am not an idiot. I take each new piece of information that comes in and modify my opinions based on circumstance. In other words, I am open and loving until shown that it is inappropriate for the circumstance.

The only way to be fair to everyone is to treat them all exactly the same way. By default, I could trust no one or I could choose to trust everyone. The first just seems like a sad sad way to live your life, don't you think?

Accountability and Responsibility

Our prisons are full of "innocent" men. I'm sure you've heard it before. How many inmates will honestly say "yep I did bad things that I shouldn't have done. I deserve to be here." ? It is a very small number to be sure. But if you break things down rationally step by step most of them will agree to the individual logical steps that end with them spending time in jail.

It is commonly accepted that most people cannot govern themselves. Therefor there must be laws and people to enforce them. There do need to be penalties when those laws are broken to discourage people from breaking them. And most people are aware that going to jail is a potential consequence of breaking those laws. Yet still the guilty often say that they do not belong in jail. That what happened is not their fault. Why is this?

When we hold a person accountable for something we are saying that they are responsible for that thing. These two words are often used almost as synonyms for one another, as they should be. If the problem isn't with the terminology then where is the breakdown?

It's with the people.As children our parents are responsible for everything that we do. They can be and often are held legally accountable for any actions that we take. This is okay because when we are children we are too young to properly understand what is right and wrong and what the repercussions of our actions are. That's practically the definition of being a child.

It is the primary job of a parent to teach their children what is right and wrong and that every action or inaction has consequences. Then when we become adults, we can be mature responsible adults that are truly accountable for our every action. Sadly many of our parents failed to instill this sense of morals and ethics into us, just as their parents failed to instill it in them.

And so it is that we have hundreds of thousands of people doing things every day in this country, things which they know are wrong, yet claiming that its not their fault. They say he made me do it or she tricked me into it. But that is not the truth..

If a person lies to you, blackmails you or threatens to hurt you in order to get you to do something wrong, that doesn't absolve you of responsibility. If you did something wrong you did something wrong. They are not responsible for the thing that you did. You are. They are just responsible for their part in getting you to do it. 

Laying blame on another person does not change the actions you took.You are responsible for every single thing which you decide to do. You, as an adult,  can and will (trust me) be held accountable for every single thing that you do.

We, as a country, as a world, need to start instilling this in ourselves and our children  because our prisons aren't going to get any less populated as long as people can always point a finger at someone else instead of admitting that what they did is their fault and theirs alone.

Peer Pressure. Another double edged sword.

Why do we make the choices that we do? Why do we do or not certain things in our life? In a perfect world there would be two very simple answers to these questions. Conscience and desire. In a perfect world our decisions would be based solely on doing some combination of what we know to be right and what we want to do. And in the absolute best of circumstances what we want and what is right would be the same.

But we don't live in that perfect world do we? There is another thing which creeps in and often takes control over our decision making process. That thing is peer pressure. And it is certainly not a simple thing. It is complex and often angst ridden and frustrating. We quite often know what we want to do and what we should do, but due to peer pressure we end up making a different choice. Why?

While thinking about this today, I came across an article someone had posted on Facebook entitled

15 Things You Don't Owe Anyone At All (Though You Think You Do)

The bottom line is really fear. How does this work? How is it that much of our decision making process is ruled by fear? Well to understand that we really need to take a look at what peer pressure is. According to dictionary.com peer pressure is social pressure by members of one's peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted.

I think a little more in depth of an explanation is needed. Generally your peers are the people whose opinions matter to you. They are all of your friends and family. Most of us decide that being cool in their eyes is important. And we will often go to great lengths, many times violating our own personal code of ethics and our personal desires in order to be accepted by our primary peer group(s).

We fear not being cool or accepted by the opinions of those that matter to us and often that alone will cause us to do terrible, mean, sometimes downright despicable things. We feel forced to act a certain way even if we are not being told exactly what to say or do. Much of the time the actions of our peers and the surrounding circumstances very strongly imply what we are "supposed" to do. 

If you are out with a group of your friends and they happen to pick on how someone is dressed or looks, some facet of their social life, their race or sexual preference, it is hard for some of us to stand up to the bullying and make them stop attacking their target. It is the right thing to do, but still not very easy. Our desire to do the right thing is overridden by our fear of not being one of the "cool kids". You can deny that it matters to you until you are blue in the face, but if you give in to peer pressure, then being accepted matters to you.

Peer pressure is what causes us to allow our families to have such a big say in our lives, even after we become adults. We want their acceptance so even though they no longer have any legally binding control over us we nod our heads and say they are right and do pretty much what they want, so that they will still love and accept us. 

Truth be told, anyone that holds their love and acceptance hostage to you agreeing with what they say or do isn't worth looking to for love or acceptance. You should be who and what you want to be independent of what others are going to say or think. 

Now having said that, is peer pressure always a bad thing? Well it is the collective thoughts and opinions of how you should and shouldn't act according to your friends and family and to a larger degree the whole world. Aside from it being wrong, to a certain degree, peer pressure is what keeps most of us from acting out in horribly violent ways when something doesn't go our way. From time to time nearly all of us have scary vile chaotic thoughts. 

We think awful things like, I wonder what that person's brains would look like oozing out of their ears if I hit them with this hammer just right. Or, if I kill this person they won't be making my life a living hell anymore. If I open the passenger door and kick this person out of my car while we are doing sixty I won't have to listen to this insufferable nagging. We don't act on those thoughts, because it is wrong and because we think about how everyone else will react to such a horrible scene.

So while peer pressure can steer us wrong, it can also keep us on the up and up. Until we reach that perfect world, where what is right and what we desire are constantly uniform, use common sense to show you when a few dashes of peer pressure are okay and when you should stand firmly against the tide for what you believe in.
 

Gamer Dreams

In an earlier post I talk about games, video games in particular and the positive effects that they have on the people who play them. ( Video games. The bane of modern society?) For the average person they can help improve things like hand to eye coordination. They can also help with pattern recognition and memory improvement. For people with certain handicaps video games can often be used to help lessen the impact. They can do things like helping the deaf learn to speak.

All of that may be new to most people, but is something that I have known for quite a few years now. A recent article in Game  Informer magazine about the effects of video games on the dreams of the average gamer, however, kind of blew my mind. The article says that video games actually change the way a person's subconscious mind works. It says that the minds of people who play video games on a regular basis are different from the minds of those who don't.

Yeah okay, different maybe, but in what way? The article went on to say that the average gamer has less nightmares than the average non gamer. At first I thought, that is ridiculous. How could that possibly be true?

But then, I really started thinking about it. I've been an avid gamer ever since about the fourth grade. And I really can't remember ever having any nightmares. In fact most of my dreams are freaking awesome. I have often wondered why other people have nightmares and I don't and I never really came up with a good reason for why not.

Video games teach creativity. They cause us to practice using our imagination to get out of difficult scenarios. I have known for a long time that they helped me to solve difficult problems while awake. It never occurred to me to think that they would do the same for problems in my dreams.

It does make sense though. For years I have known about something called lucid dreaming, where the dreamer realizes that what they are experiencing is not real and once having made that realization can change their dream at will.

When I am asleep there is very little I cannot do. I often have limitless power at my fingertips. I can fly, shoot lasers out of my eyes, blow things up with a thought and move impossibly large objects just by a few simple waves of my hands. I am never trapped and there is always something I can do, no matter what the situation.

After thinking through all of these things, it caused me to accept that the article may be right. So, having trouble sleeping? Break out the old video games and give them a whirl. And even if they don't work to get rid of your nightmares at least you'll have had some fun in the process and gotten your mind off your real world problems for a little while.

Competition makes the world a better place

When I say competition is good, I am not talking about the kind of slandering that a lot of politicians get up to. I am talking about the effect that two or more companies competing in a single area has on the overall product the average consumer finds available for purchase.

Oh look a history lesson.

In the early 80's IBM began to market computers to the public. The Operating System they were using was called PC-DOS which was effectively MS-DOS with a few proprietary changes. IBM made a licensing deal with Microsoft to use MS-DOS rather than having to come up with their own OS.  And later versions of Microsoft's OS are now called Windows, but up until recently Windows has just been a graphical overlay run by a DOS shell.

The net result? Within a couple of decades PC's or PC clones are now in nearly every home in America. That deal has probably had the biggest impact on how Microsoft came to be the company that it is today. For decades Microsoft has destroyed Apple in overall sales because their OS is on more machines than that of any other company.

The irony there is that IBM came to Apple first and Apple refused the licensing deal. For a long time Microsoft was light years ahead of the competition. Even today most games and business applications intended for wide scale use come out for Windows first and then other platforms later, if at all.There were other options available but most of them were more expensive and not as widely used. For all intents and purposes Microsoft had a monopoly with no real competition.

As a result their product suffered. Whether consciously or not the programmers knew that how good their product was did not matter because Microsoft held such a large portion of the overall market share. New iterations of their software were often full of bugs and according to many, not an improvement over the software that was already on their computer.

People were more or less forced to use it anyways. How is this you say? Well you may or may not realize it but hardware manufacturers write the firmware for their products to work with the most up to date OS and often do not include any backwards compatibility. New hardware models are made on the average of once a year. After a couple of years you can no longer replace parts in your computer with the original parts. Eventually you are forced to upgrade to the new OS.

Also in most corporate type businesses, the employee is required to use a company computer with all the company approved software on it. Companies that write software, both business and gaming, want to write it for the OS that is going to get used the most.  That way they can be sure that the most copies of that software will be bought.

So for a very long time Microsoft was king of the hill even though a number of other companies made better software and even though Apple actually made better computers than most of the PC clones on the market. What happened to change all of that?

Well a number of factors really. Microsoft had earned itself a pretty bad reputation and some people were willing to go with any choice just to get away from using Windows. Some of those people turned to Apple and its MacOS. Others found out about Linux a free and open sourced OS, with much better security than either Windows or the MacOS. A number of programmers fed up with Microsoft began writing more software for Apple.

Has Microsoft been knocked off the hill? Nope not yet. But at least now there's a few others around to keep them honest. Now anytime they release a shoddy poorly put together product it hits them right in the wallet as they lose customers. If they want to keep their market share they have to work hard and put out the best product they can.

And that is good for every one of their customers, people like you and me.

Ask before you tell.

"You can only boost a man up a ladder if he is willing to climb"

That's a recent quote I found inside a fortune cookie. And while it may not be perfectly worded it is very true. The people in our group do their very best to help other people whenever possible, but what often happens is we spend a great deal of time and effort struggling to provide assistance to someone that isn't even looking for it.

We each have our own beliefs as to what life should be like and even those of us with similar visions still don't see things exactly the same way. And quite often we get stuck in our own head. We take it for granted that other people see things the same way we do and that they think the same things we do. So with this image of how things should be, we offer to assist others in coming more in line with our vision. But they refuse the assistance and we become momentarily confused.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. There's a whole bunch of different ways of saying it. They all basically mean the same thing. Don't waste your time attempting to help or change someone that doesn't want it.

A lot of people, women in particular, tend to decide that they know how a person, generally a man, ought to be. And with the right manipulation, they think that they can change that person into exactly who he should be.Without asking him what he thinks, or giving him a chance to say how he would like to be, they begin the long arduous process of turning him from the person he is into the person they want him to be.

Typically, somewhere along the way arguments spring up because she pushes him in a direction he has no interest in and often does not have any idea why she is even pushing him in that direction. She says she is doing it for his own good. He disagrees. They fight. She gets hurt because she feels she is doing the right thing He gets mad at her attempt to control him.

Her vision and his vision are different. If they sat down and talked about it, there's a chance they could unify their visions and work towards the same goal. But as long as she has a secret agenda that he knows nothing about she is going to want him to change in ways that he has no interest in and he is not going to understand why she is offering. People are the way they are because it is how they want to be. You are not going to get a person to change without them agreeing to, without them deciding for themselves that change would be good.

The problem here comes from assuming that one knows what is best for another. And that is something that is very rarely ever true, at least where adults are concerned. If you want to assist a person first find out if they are open to assistance. Ask questions. Be clear on what it is that they want and what it is that they do not want.  If they do not want coaching, guidance or support your efforts to provide those things are guaranteed to fail. If they do not want to change, don't try to change them.