I don't know I can't try.

When going about our daily lives people often ask us questions. They may want to understand what it is that we are doing or to understand why we are doing things a certain way. Perhaps they see something that they like and want to emulate. Or maybe they see a better way of doing things and want to suggest them to us.

We respond to these queries and suggestions in many different ways. But there are three response in particular that do not serve us. They are not empowering and do nothing to make the situation better. 

When asked why we are doing a certain thing or what we think about something, especially when it is something that we need to make a choice about, a pretty common reply is I don't know. When asked to do a thing in a new way, something that we have never done before frequently we will agree to try. And then after a few unsuccessful attempts we will reply that we can't do that thing or can't do it that way.

To me these three responses should be stricken from common usage. As a matter of fact, I think we should remove the words from our vocabulary altogether. Why do I feel this way?

Simply put they are not the truth. They are excuses that often prevent the truth from coming out and certainly they block a great many breakthroughs from happening. Let's look at each individually.

Try. It is a word that means an attempt. But there is no sense of commitment in this attempt at all. We are not investing anything in the outcome of the attempt. The other thing that most people miss about trying is that the attempt is over once success is obtained. You are never trying at the same time as you are succeeding. Succeeding at a thing is doing that thing. why would you ever make it your goal to try to do something when you could make it your goal to do that thing? As yoda says "Do or do not. There is no try"

I can't. This phrase is not only disempowering. It is also a lie. With enough time, energy and drive, a person can do anything that they set their mind to. We humans have proven that we can fly, walk through fire and live underwater. It may require tools we don't currently have access to and effort we have yet to provide but We can do anything. Can't is simply an excuse. It is a statement that means we have made an attempt and given up or never bothered to make the attempt because we believe we are going to fail. When we say we can't do something what we really mean is doing that thing is not important enough to me for me to find a way past whatever obstacles there may be.

I don't know. This one, I think, is the big brother of I can't and is also a lie. And to be clear I am aware that there are things we do not know, like the exact number of stars in the universe or grains of sand on planet Earth. What I am talking about is when someone asks you how you feel or think about a certain thing or what you think the right thing to do in a situation is.

When a person asks you how you feel about something, subconsciously, an answer springs into your head immediately. You know, right away, exactly how you feel about that thing. But for whatever reason, maybe its fear of ridicule or of someone not sharing your opinion or some other consequence you don't want to deal with, more often than not a person will say I don't know.

What happens is, you decide that you need time to think about it and that you are not going to think about it now. What I don't know really means is I haven't taken the time to consciously accept how I feel and to put that answer into words that others might find acceptable. And while you are busy "not knowing" any meaningful resolution to the circumstance that involves you  cannot occur.

Think about these words. Go over situations in your head that have happened in the past, both where you have used them and when others have used them. See how they don't serve us. See how these words hold us back and prevent us from reaching our goals. Then make a conscious effort to remove them from your way of being.

Be real. Be honest.

Don't try. If you haven't done something but do intend to do it declare that you are going to do it.

Don't say I can't. IF you haven't put in the time and energy to figure out how to do it freely admit it and then declare whether or not you intend to do it.

Don't say I don't know. If you are afraid of being judged for how you feel, start out your answer with that statement, but share how you truly feel. If you aren't 100 percent sure about your answer admit that, but answer the question with what you really do think based on what you do know.

What is really real?

People go through their lives interacting with one another and calling each other out for one reason or another. This thing was good or that person was bad. All are convinced that they know the truth of what did or didn't happen and that they are right and others are wrong.

There is all this stuff that goes on in a person's head. Thoughts, feelings and emotions. Judgements on our experiences. Beliefs on how a thing should have happened. There is the spinning of the tale to make us look like the hero, or the victim.

None of that stuff is real. It is all what we make up about what happened. Everything that happens inside our head is imaginary, literally created from our imagination. Even our interpretation of what happens is not real.

Only what happens in the world, outside of our mind, is real. Our understanding of it is not real and neither is our memory or feelings based on it.

Any given thing is neither good nor bad. It is simply a thing. What is is. It is what you make up about that thing that is either good or bad. You personally, subconsciously, apply a value judgement tag to each thing that you see, think, hear or feel. Then you use thousands of these tags together to make up a framework about how life should or should not be. Once this has been done you compare your life with the way life "should" be and become either happy or discontented with things based on how closely things match your vision of what should be.

What you think remember or feel about your neighbor's dog is not actually the reality of the dog. It is only what you think remember or feel. The dog is the dog. Just as your value judgement of a person is not the person. Is is merely your judgement. And it is completely unfair to hold either a dog or any person to your feeling,thought, belief or memory of them.

We are not our neighbor's dog so we cannot truly know it. Our experience of the dog limits our understanding of it. With greater experience we can make more accurate predictions about how it will behave in a given circumstance, but never with absolute certainty. And just as we are not the dog, we are not any other person but ourselves. We cannot know or even properly understand any other being.

Nearly everything that we think, feel, and remember is, to some degree, incorrect. Because these things are based on our interpretation of what we experience.

Everything that we think, feel and remember is made up. It is something that we made up, based on something that happened in the real world. Everything is a story. It is all part of our story. The tale of who and what we are. The filter that we choose to apply to everything that we experience determines whether a thing is good or bad. Let me say that again. We choose the filter. It is a choice.

If this is so why not make your story beautiful and positive instead of negative and nightmarish?