Our prisons are full of "innocent" men. I'm sure you've heard it before. How many inmates will honestly say "yep I did bad things that I shouldn't have done. I deserve to be here." ? It is a very small number to be sure. But if you break things down rationally step by step most of them will agree to the individual logical steps that end with them spending time in jail.
It is commonly accepted that most people cannot govern themselves. Therefor there must be laws and people to enforce them. There do need to be penalties when those laws are broken to discourage people from breaking them. And most people are aware that going to jail is a potential consequence of breaking those laws. Yet still the guilty often say that they do not belong in jail. That what happened is not their fault. Why is this?
When we hold a person accountable for something we are saying that they are responsible for that thing. These two words are often used almost as synonyms for one another, as they should be. If the problem isn't with the terminology then where is the breakdown?
It's with the people.As children our parents are responsible for everything that we do. They can be and often are held legally accountable for any actions that we take. This is okay because when we are children we are too young to properly understand what is right and wrong and what the repercussions of our actions are. That's practically the definition of being a child.
It is the primary job of a parent to teach their children what is right and wrong and that every action or inaction has consequences. Then when we become adults, we can be mature responsible adults that are truly accountable for our every action. Sadly many of our parents failed to instill this sense of morals and ethics into us, just as their parents failed to instill it in them.
And so it is that we have hundreds of thousands of people doing things every day in this country, things which they know are wrong, yet claiming that its not their fault. They say he made me do it or she tricked me into it. But that is not the truth..
If a person lies to you, blackmails you or threatens to hurt you in order to get you to do something wrong, that doesn't absolve you of responsibility. If you did something wrong you did something wrong. They are not responsible for the thing that you did. You are. They are just responsible for their part in getting you to do it.
Laying blame on another person does not change the actions you took.You are responsible for every single thing which you decide to do. You, as an adult, can and will (trust me) be held accountable for every single thing that you do.
We, as a country, as a world, need to start instilling this in ourselves and our children because our prisons aren't going to get any less populated as long as people can always point a finger at someone else instead of admitting that what they did is their fault and theirs alone.
Showing posts with label responsible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label responsible. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Are you responsible for what happens in your life? Pt1
The following actually occurred this past Friday afternoon. Names have been changed to letters for anonymity.
Comcast sent out a technician to troubleshoot the internet problems that we have been having. As part of his troubleshooting he needed to test all of the coaxial cables for line noise. We all live together in a big house, but all have separate schedules. Sometimes we do not know who is home or awake or what their general status is.
One of the rooms the technician needed to get into was behind a closed door. He asked if it was alright to go in and check the line in that room. This sequence of events is what happened as a result.
Person A asked person B if person C was home. Person B said they did not know. Person A asked person B to check. Person B checked the door to person C's room, found it unlocked, opened it looked in and said person C was sleeping. Person A replied that was not useful information and that something more would need to be done. Person B then went over to the sleeping person C and woke them up.
Person C was understandably upset, one about being woken up in general, and even more upset at being woken up by person B standing next to their bed and calling their name. Person C felt that their privacy was being invaded due to the fact that person B did not even bother to knock before coming into their room.
Not surprisingly, an argument started, it was minor and not very heated. But, still, it was enough that the Comcast guy did not get to test the line that day.
Person C blamed person B for the circumstance. Person B claimed to just be following directions and blamed Person A. Person A admitted responsibility for the situation. But who was really responsible for the end result of the Comcast representative not testing the line? Was it person A, B,C, or was it the Comcast tech?
It's actually a trick question. The correct answer is, it is everyone's responsibility. A,B,C, the Comcast tech, every person that observed what happened and even those that did not. The whole world is responsible for everything that happens, everywhere, if they could have taken an action that would have made things different, no matter how indirect or not connected that action might be.
Person A could have stopped Person B from entering Person C's room without knocking. Person B could have used common sense and not entered without knocking, Person C could have locked their door before going to sleep, or could have been awake or not home. The guy from Comcast could have found another way to test the line that did not involve going into that room.
Comcast, in general, is responsible for the trouble that we are having with our internet because if they did not exist we would not have their service and thus we could not have an issue with our Comcast internet service. AT&T is responsible for this circumstance as well, because if they provided a better service we would use it. It was our choice to go with the internet service provided by Comcast. But it is every other company out there's choice not to provide better internet than Comcast does.
One might say well what about all the Chinese and Indian people out there that are half a world away from you? They aren't responsible for this are they? Actually, yes they are. Any one of them could invent the next new bit of technology that makes internet usage through coaxial cable obsolete. Every man woman and child, everywhere, that has failed to do so is responsible for the problems that we have with the internet in our home. If there were no planet Earth we would not have the exact problem we have here and now with our internet. Therefore everyone that has not blown up the Earth has contributed to us still having trouble with our Comcast based internet service.
Am I suggesting that anyone should destroy our planet? No, not, even slightly. I am just using it as an example to say that anyone and everyone could change our circumstance and that everyone that does not, is responsible for the circumstance continuing to exist
A person can take the victim stance and blame everyone else but the fact of the matter is that they are responsible for what happens in their lives even if they choose to ignore or deny it. Also, there is no such thing as partial responsibility. Persons A,B,C and the Comcast tech are not each 25% responsible for what happened. They are each jointly and severally 100% responsible for the outcome because any one of them could have taken an action to change the outcome and none of them did.
Comcast sent out a technician to troubleshoot the internet problems that we have been having. As part of his troubleshooting he needed to test all of the coaxial cables for line noise. We all live together in a big house, but all have separate schedules. Sometimes we do not know who is home or awake or what their general status is.
One of the rooms the technician needed to get into was behind a closed door. He asked if it was alright to go in and check the line in that room. This sequence of events is what happened as a result.
Person A asked person B if person C was home. Person B said they did not know. Person A asked person B to check. Person B checked the door to person C's room, found it unlocked, opened it looked in and said person C was sleeping. Person A replied that was not useful information and that something more would need to be done. Person B then went over to the sleeping person C and woke them up.
Person C was understandably upset, one about being woken up in general, and even more upset at being woken up by person B standing next to their bed and calling their name. Person C felt that their privacy was being invaded due to the fact that person B did not even bother to knock before coming into their room.
Not surprisingly, an argument started, it was minor and not very heated. But, still, it was enough that the Comcast guy did not get to test the line that day.
Person C blamed person B for the circumstance. Person B claimed to just be following directions and blamed Person A. Person A admitted responsibility for the situation. But who was really responsible for the end result of the Comcast representative not testing the line? Was it person A, B,C, or was it the Comcast tech?
It's actually a trick question. The correct answer is, it is everyone's responsibility. A,B,C, the Comcast tech, every person that observed what happened and even those that did not. The whole world is responsible for everything that happens, everywhere, if they could have taken an action that would have made things different, no matter how indirect or not connected that action might be.
Person A could have stopped Person B from entering Person C's room without knocking. Person B could have used common sense and not entered without knocking, Person C could have locked their door before going to sleep, or could have been awake or not home. The guy from Comcast could have found another way to test the line that did not involve going into that room.
Comcast, in general, is responsible for the trouble that we are having with our internet because if they did not exist we would not have their service and thus we could not have an issue with our Comcast internet service. AT&T is responsible for this circumstance as well, because if they provided a better service we would use it. It was our choice to go with the internet service provided by Comcast. But it is every other company out there's choice not to provide better internet than Comcast does.
One might say well what about all the Chinese and Indian people out there that are half a world away from you? They aren't responsible for this are they? Actually, yes they are. Any one of them could invent the next new bit of technology that makes internet usage through coaxial cable obsolete. Every man woman and child, everywhere, that has failed to do so is responsible for the problems that we have with the internet in our home. If there were no planet Earth we would not have the exact problem we have here and now with our internet. Therefore everyone that has not blown up the Earth has contributed to us still having trouble with our Comcast based internet service.
Am I suggesting that anyone should destroy our planet? No, not, even slightly. I am just using it as an example to say that anyone and everyone could change our circumstance and that everyone that does not, is responsible for the circumstance continuing to exist
A person can take the victim stance and blame everyone else but the fact of the matter is that they are responsible for what happens in their lives even if they choose to ignore or deny it. Also, there is no such thing as partial responsibility. Persons A,B,C and the Comcast tech are not each 25% responsible for what happened. They are each jointly and severally 100% responsible for the outcome because any one of them could have taken an action to change the outcome and none of them did.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Life in the right order
Some time ago, I took a workshop that focused on self empowerment.
One of the talking points was about the general mindset and perspective
of the average person. I discovered that most people have the belief
that you need to do a set of things, so that you can have a set of
things so that you can be happy.
It is kind of what the American dream is all about right? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and all that? Work hard, to get the things that you want and then you can relax and be happy with the results. There is a problem with this model though. What happens if you work as hard as you can and through no fault of your own, you are never able to have the things that you want? Every time you seem about to get a leg up, something happens and you just barely manage to break even. Then you are doomed to never obtain happiness. Do have be does not work.
In fact it is exactly backwards. If you start being the person you want to be, you will automatically begin to do the things that you need to get what it is that you want to have. For any personal or business venture in your life you need to ask yourself, who you need to be in order to be able to do the things that are necessary to get what you want to have.
So first, what do you want to have? Let's say the answer is a successful business. Who do you need to be? An open-minded entrepreneur . What do you need to do? Work hard and make lots of sales. Be an open-minded entrepreneur that works hard and makes lots of sales and you will have a successful business. What if you want a successful marriage? Who do you get to be? A loyal committed faithful spouse. What do you need to do? treat your mate with love, kindness and consideration. Be a loyal committed faithful spouse that treats their mate with love kindness and consideration and you will very likely have a successful marriage.
Why does it work this way? Because in no uncertain terms the do, have, be mindset is completely materialistic. It values objects above all else and defines the lack of material things as failure. It is also a victim mindset. In every instance where you do not have the things that you want you can complain and say if only this thing weren't in the way I could be happy.
The be do have mindset is the opposite end of the spectrum from that. It is about as responsible as one can get. When you look at what you want to have you are directly taking personal responsibility for your results. You are asking who do i have to be and what do I have to do, to get what it is that I want to have. Then once you have answered those questions you have a road map to getting what you want and nobody to blame but yourself for not having what you want.
It is kind of what the American dream is all about right? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and all that? Work hard, to get the things that you want and then you can relax and be happy with the results. There is a problem with this model though. What happens if you work as hard as you can and through no fault of your own, you are never able to have the things that you want? Every time you seem about to get a leg up, something happens and you just barely manage to break even. Then you are doomed to never obtain happiness. Do have be does not work.
In fact it is exactly backwards. If you start being the person you want to be, you will automatically begin to do the things that you need to get what it is that you want to have. For any personal or business venture in your life you need to ask yourself, who you need to be in order to be able to do the things that are necessary to get what you want to have.
So first, what do you want to have? Let's say the answer is a successful business. Who do you need to be? An open-minded entrepreneur . What do you need to do? Work hard and make lots of sales. Be an open-minded entrepreneur that works hard and makes lots of sales and you will have a successful business. What if you want a successful marriage? Who do you get to be? A loyal committed faithful spouse. What do you need to do? treat your mate with love, kindness and consideration. Be a loyal committed faithful spouse that treats their mate with love kindness and consideration and you will very likely have a successful marriage.
Why does it work this way? Because in no uncertain terms the do, have, be mindset is completely materialistic. It values objects above all else and defines the lack of material things as failure. It is also a victim mindset. In every instance where you do not have the things that you want you can complain and say if only this thing weren't in the way I could be happy.
The be do have mindset is the opposite end of the spectrum from that. It is about as responsible as one can get. When you look at what you want to have you are directly taking personal responsibility for your results. You are asking who do i have to be and what do I have to do, to get what it is that I want to have. Then once you have answered those questions you have a road map to getting what you want and nobody to blame but yourself for not having what you want.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
How big is your shoe?
Although I have never been a Boy Scout, I have had many friends and
family members who were. One of the things that they teach the kids
really stuck out for me and is something that I strongly identify with.
They say you should leave any area that you come to in the same or
better condition than you found it. It's called leaving a small
footprint on the world around you.
This should kind of go without saying. I mean who is responsible for the state of the world today? That's right people. They say there are around seven billion of us now. And if each person just went through life without paying any attention to their habits and the impact they have on the world, the world would quickly become a wreck. What's that you say? It is a wreck?
When I first heard about this concept it appealed to me. I liked the idea of leaving every area that I passed through the exact same way I found it. I could tread in the footprints of other people and leave none of my own. It seemed stealthy and ninja like. Better yet, there would be no negative impact on society. I could make sure, that I personally did not make the world a worse place than it already is.
I patterned my life after this ideal and still follow many of the habits that got started by this thought process. I wash all of my own clothes and the dishes I use. When leaving a room I make sure to throw away any napkins, bags or wrappers that I may be responsible for. I do not expect anybody to come behind me and clean up any mess I make. I do it myself. And no I do not live by myself. Currently there are four other adults living in my home.
You may have noticed that I initially locked onto leaving things in the same condition. But after awhile I started thinking. What if everybody did what I was doing? Wouldn't it be awesome? The world would not get any worse.
But it would not get any better either. And that started to bother me because I have nearly always believed that individuals are responsible for how the world is today. Individual action can and does make a difference. Don't believe me? Think about it this way. If all of the individuals were removed from the planet would there be any people left?
When people say one person can't make a difference, what they really mean is that when weighed against the actions of all the other people out there, that one person's efforts do not make a difference. And they are right. But, what they fail to realize is that when other people see one person taking a stand and doing something that they believe they also should be doing, other people start to emulate that one person. Soon one person becomes five and five become twenty and twenty become a whole community.
It occurred to me that in order to make the world a better place, all it takes is for everybody to leave things in a better condition than they found them. Think about small details around your home. Maybe you have a drying rack for your dishes. Let's say you personally wash dry and put away every dish you use plus you put away one item already in the drying rack. From this point forward none of the dirty dishes laying around the house would be yours and that would be about it. But if you got everyone in your home to do this there would never be any dirty dishes lying around. And the drying rack would quickly become empty and stay empty, leaving less clutter in your kitchen. It only takes an extra minute or two, to wash whatever dishes you use. And it does make your home a better place.
Think about all the other chores around your house, laundry, the garbage or whatever there is, it all works the same way. If you handle everything that you are responsible for and then in each area take care of just one extra item that does not belong to you, your impact on your home becomes positive. If you get others in your home to do the same, then your home becomes a better place.
The best part about it is this concept scales with the effort you and yours are willing to put into it. First you can change your home. Then your home can be an example for others in the community. Then you can work on changing your community. Then you and your community can change the world.
So, in closing, I say this. Leave a big footprint on the world. Just make it a good one.
This should kind of go without saying. I mean who is responsible for the state of the world today? That's right people. They say there are around seven billion of us now. And if each person just went through life without paying any attention to their habits and the impact they have on the world, the world would quickly become a wreck. What's that you say? It is a wreck?
When I first heard about this concept it appealed to me. I liked the idea of leaving every area that I passed through the exact same way I found it. I could tread in the footprints of other people and leave none of my own. It seemed stealthy and ninja like. Better yet, there would be no negative impact on society. I could make sure, that I personally did not make the world a worse place than it already is.
I patterned my life after this ideal and still follow many of the habits that got started by this thought process. I wash all of my own clothes and the dishes I use. When leaving a room I make sure to throw away any napkins, bags or wrappers that I may be responsible for. I do not expect anybody to come behind me and clean up any mess I make. I do it myself. And no I do not live by myself. Currently there are four other adults living in my home.
You may have noticed that I initially locked onto leaving things in the same condition. But after awhile I started thinking. What if everybody did what I was doing? Wouldn't it be awesome? The world would not get any worse.
But it would not get any better either. And that started to bother me because I have nearly always believed that individuals are responsible for how the world is today. Individual action can and does make a difference. Don't believe me? Think about it this way. If all of the individuals were removed from the planet would there be any people left?
When people say one person can't make a difference, what they really mean is that when weighed against the actions of all the other people out there, that one person's efforts do not make a difference. And they are right. But, what they fail to realize is that when other people see one person taking a stand and doing something that they believe they also should be doing, other people start to emulate that one person. Soon one person becomes five and five become twenty and twenty become a whole community.
It occurred to me that in order to make the world a better place, all it takes is for everybody to leave things in a better condition than they found them. Think about small details around your home. Maybe you have a drying rack for your dishes. Let's say you personally wash dry and put away every dish you use plus you put away one item already in the drying rack. From this point forward none of the dirty dishes laying around the house would be yours and that would be about it. But if you got everyone in your home to do this there would never be any dirty dishes lying around. And the drying rack would quickly become empty and stay empty, leaving less clutter in your kitchen. It only takes an extra minute or two, to wash whatever dishes you use. And it does make your home a better place.
Think about all the other chores around your house, laundry, the garbage or whatever there is, it all works the same way. If you handle everything that you are responsible for and then in each area take care of just one extra item that does not belong to you, your impact on your home becomes positive. If you get others in your home to do the same, then your home becomes a better place.
The best part about it is this concept scales with the effort you and yours are willing to put into it. First you can change your home. Then your home can be an example for others in the community. Then you can work on changing your community. Then you and your community can change the world.
So, in closing, I say this. Leave a big footprint on the world. Just make it a good one.
Are you the solution?
My step dad always used to say, you are either part of the problem or
you are part of the solution. When I was kid, for some reason I always
took that to mean that if you are not actively working to solve a
problem then you had no right to complain about whatever it was. As an
adult I see a huge disconnect there and have no idea where I was coming
from. I don't recall clearly why he said it all the time. It's possible
that he only said it when I was complaining about something. What he
was actually saying is there are two possibilities when it comes to
problems, you are either actively solving them, or you are creating
them.
I have changed a lot mentally since I was a kid. I know that I used to be a victim of the things my stepdad said and did. I remember specific thoughts that I used to have about hatred and patricide. But it has been so long since I thought that way that I do not remember my overall mindset. I can see though how I created a lot of the problems that were in my life then and how I avoid them now. As a kid, it wasn't my job to be the one actively solving problems, that's what parents are for isn't it? Yes and no. It is their job to teach us while we are growing up how to solve problems so that when we become adults we can handle whatever the world throws our way. So many parents nowadays do not really teach their kids any good habits at all, much less how to solve problems.
But think about it. In how many areas of your life are you constantly whining and complaining about something instead of taking positive action to change the things that you do not like? In your job? Your family?Your friendships? Your community?
We as a people, have a tendency to complain to other people about our problems but never really do anything about it. If you don't like the way your government is run the tendency is to not take part and avoid getting involved, which contributes to it staying the same or getting worse. If you want it to be different, make it different. Find other like minded voices in your community and be a stand for change. Or maybe even run for office and take a more direct hand in molding your government the way you think it should be. If there are things you do not like in your marriage, take action. Talk to your spouse about whatever it is that isn't working for you in a mature responsible way, with no finger pointing or accusations, just a simple summation of the facts. Define what it is that is not working for you and how you would like to see it change. Don't like how things are going at work? Find time to discuss the issues with your boss and see if things can be handled amicably at your job. If not find a new job.
Something to think about. How much time do you spend complaining to your friends about how badly your life sucks? That is what your friends are there for right? They are there so you can complain about how bad you have it? No, not really. They may be willing to listen but I can tell you for sure they are not looking forward to all the depressing things that you are constantly unloading on them.
If you are not actively working to improve your life, other people are not interested in hearing about the parts that you do not like.Don't bitch about what is going on and don't suffer in silence. Change it.
If you are actively working to improve your life, then there is nothing to complain about. Your conversation automatically becomes more motivational and uplifting. You tell people what is going on and what you are doing to make it better and often times that will spark an interest in the listener as they hear something in what you say that may give them an idea about how to improve their own lives.
I used to be part of the problem, but now I am part of the solution.
I have changed a lot mentally since I was a kid. I know that I used to be a victim of the things my stepdad said and did. I remember specific thoughts that I used to have about hatred and patricide. But it has been so long since I thought that way that I do not remember my overall mindset. I can see though how I created a lot of the problems that were in my life then and how I avoid them now. As a kid, it wasn't my job to be the one actively solving problems, that's what parents are for isn't it? Yes and no. It is their job to teach us while we are growing up how to solve problems so that when we become adults we can handle whatever the world throws our way. So many parents nowadays do not really teach their kids any good habits at all, much less how to solve problems.
But think about it. In how many areas of your life are you constantly whining and complaining about something instead of taking positive action to change the things that you do not like? In your job? Your family?Your friendships? Your community?
We as a people, have a tendency to complain to other people about our problems but never really do anything about it. If you don't like the way your government is run the tendency is to not take part and avoid getting involved, which contributes to it staying the same or getting worse. If you want it to be different, make it different. Find other like minded voices in your community and be a stand for change. Or maybe even run for office and take a more direct hand in molding your government the way you think it should be. If there are things you do not like in your marriage, take action. Talk to your spouse about whatever it is that isn't working for you in a mature responsible way, with no finger pointing or accusations, just a simple summation of the facts. Define what it is that is not working for you and how you would like to see it change. Don't like how things are going at work? Find time to discuss the issues with your boss and see if things can be handled amicably at your job. If not find a new job.
Something to think about. How much time do you spend complaining to your friends about how badly your life sucks? That is what your friends are there for right? They are there so you can complain about how bad you have it? No, not really. They may be willing to listen but I can tell you for sure they are not looking forward to all the depressing things that you are constantly unloading on them.
If you are not actively working to improve your life, other people are not interested in hearing about the parts that you do not like.Don't bitch about what is going on and don't suffer in silence. Change it.
If you are actively working to improve your life, then there is nothing to complain about. Your conversation automatically becomes more motivational and uplifting. You tell people what is going on and what you are doing to make it better and often times that will spark an interest in the listener as they hear something in what you say that may give them an idea about how to improve their own lives.
I used to be part of the problem, but now I am part of the solution.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Reactive Vs Proactive
Welcome to a great new wonderful today.
While thinking through the victim and responsible stances, I noticed that there is one major difference between the two. Victims react. Responsible people proact.
Being proactive is about looking at the situation from different angles and figuring out ahead of time what the likely outcomes are and deciding what you will do in each of those possible circumstances. This way, you are ready for whatever happens. You are ready if things go the way you want them to and you are ready if they do not. And you already know what step to take next.
It may seem more interesting or romantic to not plan anything and to just let things happen as they come. And if you have no responsibilities, family ties, ambitions or goals in life it may work for awhile. But, generally, it eventually leads to sadness(and madness). The problem isn't the fact that you are being random and chaotic. The problem is the reactionary mindset. A proactive person knows that he is responsible for every outcome of every circumstance. The reactive person knows that everyone but him is responsible for every outcome in every circumstance. The problem is that the reactive person is wrong. He is just as responsible for everything that happens, he just chooses to blame others rather than accept the responsibility.
Take a minute and think about it, from the point of view of a boss hiring a new employee. Which person would you rather have working for you? Would you rather have the guy that is always whining and complaining about all the bad things happening to him and never prepared to handle new circumstances and responsibilities? Or would you rather have the guy that owns up to his errors has a kind word to say about everyone else in the office and is always prepared for more no matter how many curves you throw at him?
How about in a relationship? Do you want a partner that always blames everything on you no matter what happens? Wouldn't you rather be with someone that realizes that something went wrong, admits their part in it and suggests a better way of handling things in the future?
Have you noticed the trend? The reactive person places blame and the proactive person accepts responsibility. Opposites attract right? So a reactive person and a proactive person should be a good match. Not really. Remember the reactive person is a victim. They whine and complain about everything. The other thing is blame and responsibility are not the same thing. The purpose of blame is finger pointing and often name calling.With blame there is no room for growth or change. It is a completely negative thing. Responsibility is personal ownership of something. It is empowering and allows for positive change.
Are you proactive or reactive? In your personal life, are you a victim or are you responsible?
While thinking through the victim and responsible stances, I noticed that there is one major difference between the two. Victims react. Responsible people proact.
Being proactive is about looking at the situation from different angles and figuring out ahead of time what the likely outcomes are and deciding what you will do in each of those possible circumstances. This way, you are ready for whatever happens. You are ready if things go the way you want them to and you are ready if they do not. And you already know what step to take next.
It may seem more interesting or romantic to not plan anything and to just let things happen as they come. And if you have no responsibilities, family ties, ambitions or goals in life it may work for awhile. But, generally, it eventually leads to sadness(and madness). The problem isn't the fact that you are being random and chaotic. The problem is the reactionary mindset. A proactive person knows that he is responsible for every outcome of every circumstance. The reactive person knows that everyone but him is responsible for every outcome in every circumstance. The problem is that the reactive person is wrong. He is just as responsible for everything that happens, he just chooses to blame others rather than accept the responsibility.
Take a minute and think about it, from the point of view of a boss hiring a new employee. Which person would you rather have working for you? Would you rather have the guy that is always whining and complaining about all the bad things happening to him and never prepared to handle new circumstances and responsibilities? Or would you rather have the guy that owns up to his errors has a kind word to say about everyone else in the office and is always prepared for more no matter how many curves you throw at him?
How about in a relationship? Do you want a partner that always blames everything on you no matter what happens? Wouldn't you rather be with someone that realizes that something went wrong, admits their part in it and suggests a better way of handling things in the future?
Have you noticed the trend? The reactive person places blame and the proactive person accepts responsibility. Opposites attract right? So a reactive person and a proactive person should be a good match. Not really. Remember the reactive person is a victim. They whine and complain about everything. The other thing is blame and responsibility are not the same thing. The purpose of blame is finger pointing and often name calling.With blame there is no room for growth or change. It is a completely negative thing. Responsibility is personal ownership of something. It is empowering and allows for positive change.
Are you proactive or reactive? In your personal life, are you a victim or are you responsible?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Responsibility. What is it?pt2
So the last post was an example of how differently two people can react to the same circumstances.
The victim has no control. He has no idea what is out there or what is coming at him next. all he can do is react. So that's all he does and usually he reacts badly. He knows and really does believe that the world is out to get him. But this really is a ridiculous concept. Imagine the level of conceit that it takes, the massive belief in your own self importance that one must have, in order to believe that everyone else cares enough about you and what you think for them to spend that much time and energy trying to ruin your life. In all honesty strangers generally just don't care enough to even notice you exist much less to put forth any amount of concerted effort to bring you up or down. It just does not happen.
The responsible person though knows that life happens according to a formula. Everything that he says does thinks or doesn't say do or think sets something into motion. All of the things that happen are as a result of these actions or inactions. The responsible person knows that rain doesn't happen to him. Rain just happens. The police officer didn't wake up this morning and decide he was writing the responsible guy a ticket. The police officer didn't even know this guy existed until he started speeding. The responsible guy knows that he is the source of the ticket. He has no reason to blame the officer. The officer is just doing his job. If you don't speed, then you don't get a ticket for speeding. If you don't speed you don't have to sit by the side of the road and wait for the officer to write you a ticket for the speeding that you did.
Now for another example. Let's say that on your way to work today you get into a car accident. While you may not have generated the crash itself, you are responsible for being one of the people involved in the accident. If you had stayed home today, you would not have gotten into a car accident. Okay so what if you had stayed home? Yay! No accident for you. But, at work, a coworker who has less knowledge than you in whatever your particular area of expertise is, had to make a judgment call because you were not there. And their judgment call ended up costing the company money instead of making it money. You are just as responsible for the money lost as you would have been for the accident. You are directly responsible for the actions that you take and the actions that get taken in your absence.
Victims say"well i can't control how long it takes me to get to work in the morning" The responsible person knows that is just not true. But it does require effort. You can control whether or not you get to work on time, you just need to do your homework first. You can drive to and from the location that you work multiple times to get a good feel for how long of a drive it is. You can do research to determine on average how much delay there will be under various traffic and weather patterns and determine how early to leave based on this information.
The victim is usually whiny, complaining, frustrated and out of control. The responsible person is usually calm, relaxed,happy and in control of their circumstances. Which would you rather be?
Responsibility is about owning up to the fact that you are the author of, the source of and the creator of everything in your life. Even the stuff you do not like. You either create, promote or allow everything that happens you. The simple fact of the matter is that every choice leads to a consequence. And while you may not realize right away which choices lead to which consequences, it is true that if you made a different choice a different consequence would occur.
You can be a victim and let things happen to you. OR you can be responsible and make things happen. It's your choice.
The victim has no control. He has no idea what is out there or what is coming at him next. all he can do is react. So that's all he does and usually he reacts badly. He knows and really does believe that the world is out to get him. But this really is a ridiculous concept. Imagine the level of conceit that it takes, the massive belief in your own self importance that one must have, in order to believe that everyone else cares enough about you and what you think for them to spend that much time and energy trying to ruin your life. In all honesty strangers generally just don't care enough to even notice you exist much less to put forth any amount of concerted effort to bring you up or down. It just does not happen.
The responsible person though knows that life happens according to a formula. Everything that he says does thinks or doesn't say do or think sets something into motion. All of the things that happen are as a result of these actions or inactions. The responsible person knows that rain doesn't happen to him. Rain just happens. The police officer didn't wake up this morning and decide he was writing the responsible guy a ticket. The police officer didn't even know this guy existed until he started speeding. The responsible guy knows that he is the source of the ticket. He has no reason to blame the officer. The officer is just doing his job. If you don't speed, then you don't get a ticket for speeding. If you don't speed you don't have to sit by the side of the road and wait for the officer to write you a ticket for the speeding that you did.
Now for another example. Let's say that on your way to work today you get into a car accident. While you may not have generated the crash itself, you are responsible for being one of the people involved in the accident. If you had stayed home today, you would not have gotten into a car accident. Okay so what if you had stayed home? Yay! No accident for you. But, at work, a coworker who has less knowledge than you in whatever your particular area of expertise is, had to make a judgment call because you were not there. And their judgment call ended up costing the company money instead of making it money. You are just as responsible for the money lost as you would have been for the accident. You are directly responsible for the actions that you take and the actions that get taken in your absence.
Victims say"well i can't control how long it takes me to get to work in the morning" The responsible person knows that is just not true. But it does require effort. You can control whether or not you get to work on time, you just need to do your homework first. You can drive to and from the location that you work multiple times to get a good feel for how long of a drive it is. You can do research to determine on average how much delay there will be under various traffic and weather patterns and determine how early to leave based on this information.
The victim is usually whiny, complaining, frustrated and out of control. The responsible person is usually calm, relaxed,happy and in control of their circumstances. Which would you rather be?
Responsibility is about owning up to the fact that you are the author of, the source of and the creator of everything in your life. Even the stuff you do not like. You either create, promote or allow everything that happens you. The simple fact of the matter is that every choice leads to a consequence. And while you may not realize right away which choices lead to which consequences, it is true that if you made a different choice a different consequence would occur.
You can be a victim and let things happen to you. OR you can be responsible and make things happen. It's your choice.
Responsibility. What is it?pt1
When things happen in life there are two ways the events can be
processed in your mind. One way is that these things happen to you. The
other is that they happen because of you.
The first is called the victim point of view or victim stance. It is the one that most of the world subscribes to. It is the belief that all these things happen to you and that you have no control over any of it. The victim leaves his house for work in the morning and starts cursing because as soon as he gets out the door he realizes that it is raining. All the way to work he is fuming because the rain is making it hard to see so other people are driving slower. He is worried about being late so he tries to speed to make up for the poor conditions. A police officer sees him speeding, stops him and writes him a ticket. The officer goes on his way and now the victim is frustrated and cursing about how the police officer made him even later to work. Eventually he does get to work and nothing else really goes wrong but he has a terrible day all the same because of how angry he is that the rain and the police officer made him late.
The other point of view is the responsible viewpoint or the responsible stance. The responsible guy checks the weather report the night before and knows that it is likely to be raining on the way to work. He sets his alarm a few minutes earlier to compensate for the delay that the rain will likely cause. About half way to work he realizes that the rain is coming down so hard that he is still going to be late to work. So he also tries a bit of speeding to make up a little extra time. He also ends up with a ticket for his efforts making him even later to work. Unlike the victim though, the responsible guy still has a pretty good day. Why is that?
Well it all has to do with blame. When you ask the victim what happened he'll tell you about how it was just awful. I mean first it was raining on him when he left for work. And he'll say it as if the rain was specifically targeting him. Then he will go on to tell you about how all the other people were making him later by driving slow. And that when he did try something proactive (speeding) he got punished for that too(the ticket). He tried to slip in unnoticed when he got to work. He got caught sneaking in and got reprimanded for that. He will seriously paint this tale about how the whole world was out to get him and that there was nothing he could do about it. He's depressed angry and frustrated about every little detail. The victim blames everyone but himself.
The responsible guy strolls in twenty minutes late to work he's bright and cheerful. His boss asks why he's late and gets a completely different story than the victim gave. Mr. Responsible says "First, I apologize for being late. I knew it was going to be raining this morning so I left a little early. As it turns out I failed to anticipate just how bad of a delay the rain would cause. I should have left even earlier. I started doing a few miles over the speed limit to attempt to offset the amount that the rain had put me behind and shortly thereafter a police officer showed up to remind me that I was breaking another commitment, by speeding. The officer stopping me and writing me a ticket in the rain took about twenty additional minutes. I should have just kept pace with the rest of the herd. In the future when I know it is going to be raining during my morning drive, I will leave my house even earlier, to be sure that I am not late for work. " This guys isn't blaming anyone or anything. His boss, seeing his mature responsible attitude does not see the need to write him up or even mention company policy about tardiness. The responsible guy has shown that he knows and understands what is expected of him. He also followed the correct procedure for breaking his commitment to be on time. He acknowledged his lateness and it's cause. He apologized for it and he set a future expectation for similar circumstances.
Come back later for part two of, the victim vs responsible stance.
The first is called the victim point of view or victim stance. It is the one that most of the world subscribes to. It is the belief that all these things happen to you and that you have no control over any of it. The victim leaves his house for work in the morning and starts cursing because as soon as he gets out the door he realizes that it is raining. All the way to work he is fuming because the rain is making it hard to see so other people are driving slower. He is worried about being late so he tries to speed to make up for the poor conditions. A police officer sees him speeding, stops him and writes him a ticket. The officer goes on his way and now the victim is frustrated and cursing about how the police officer made him even later to work. Eventually he does get to work and nothing else really goes wrong but he has a terrible day all the same because of how angry he is that the rain and the police officer made him late.
The other point of view is the responsible viewpoint or the responsible stance. The responsible guy checks the weather report the night before and knows that it is likely to be raining on the way to work. He sets his alarm a few minutes earlier to compensate for the delay that the rain will likely cause. About half way to work he realizes that the rain is coming down so hard that he is still going to be late to work. So he also tries a bit of speeding to make up a little extra time. He also ends up with a ticket for his efforts making him even later to work. Unlike the victim though, the responsible guy still has a pretty good day. Why is that?
Well it all has to do with blame. When you ask the victim what happened he'll tell you about how it was just awful. I mean first it was raining on him when he left for work. And he'll say it as if the rain was specifically targeting him. Then he will go on to tell you about how all the other people were making him later by driving slow. And that when he did try something proactive (speeding) he got punished for that too(the ticket). He tried to slip in unnoticed when he got to work. He got caught sneaking in and got reprimanded for that. He will seriously paint this tale about how the whole world was out to get him and that there was nothing he could do about it. He's depressed angry and frustrated about every little detail. The victim blames everyone but himself.
The responsible guy strolls in twenty minutes late to work he's bright and cheerful. His boss asks why he's late and gets a completely different story than the victim gave. Mr. Responsible says "First, I apologize for being late. I knew it was going to be raining this morning so I left a little early. As it turns out I failed to anticipate just how bad of a delay the rain would cause. I should have left even earlier. I started doing a few miles over the speed limit to attempt to offset the amount that the rain had put me behind and shortly thereafter a police officer showed up to remind me that I was breaking another commitment, by speeding. The officer stopping me and writing me a ticket in the rain took about twenty additional minutes. I should have just kept pace with the rest of the herd. In the future when I know it is going to be raining during my morning drive, I will leave my house even earlier, to be sure that I am not late for work. " This guys isn't blaming anyone or anything. His boss, seeing his mature responsible attitude does not see the need to write him up or even mention company policy about tardiness. The responsible guy has shown that he knows and understands what is expected of him. He also followed the correct procedure for breaking his commitment to be on time. He acknowledged his lateness and it's cause. He apologized for it and he set a future expectation for similar circumstances.
Come back later for part two of, the victim vs responsible stance.
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