Dance puppet. Dance!

You probably like to see yourself as someone that is pretty cool and collected, someone that others can't manipulate or control. After all, you don't go out and buy everything you see in a TV commercial do you?

But let someone call your parentage into question or sling some racial slur your way and suddenly you are all over them like white on rice. Why? They are sending arrows your way hoping to cause a wound. Why let them control your actions? What another person says about you only has the power to injure you if you let it. Just ignore the intended barb and you will find that it bounces off of you. If you fight against it, it will pierce your skin and they will be successful.

Other people get off on being able to control you. It makes their day to know they got the intended reaction from you. Why give it to them? The only way a person attempting to manipulate you can control your actions is if you play along. Why give them that power over you?

 By nature, I am a pretty peaceful guy. In fact, I like to think of myself as a pacifist. And in a world where the strong never preyed upon the weak, where people did not need others to defend them, I am sure I would be.

But, if someone comes after my wife or my son with the intent to cause physical harm, I will kill that person. It will be violent and chaotic and bloody And for a very long time afterwards I will carry a piece of that person around with me to show others what happened to the last guy that tried to harm my family.

So sue me. It's a button, a big flaming button ten feet wide. It's a button that others can use to control me. Push that button and I will dance like a puppet on a string. That particular stimulus will cause a very specific, very predictable response.

Anyone not intending to maim or murder my family though generally has a pretty hard time getting my goat. Is it because I am so unobservant that I don't notice others saying catty disrespectful things? Hardly. Is it because my life and way of being are so flawless that they can find nothing mean to say? Okay,  I can't even say that out loud with a straight face, really, I tried.

It's because I know the truth about who and what I am. What others think or say about me does not change that in the slightest. Another person's opinion of me isn't me. Only I am me. Whether what a person says about me is kind or disrespectful, I do my best to acknowledge their opinion and then get on with my life. The negative gets ignored. The positive might cause me to smile but that's about it.

And I am no better than you are. With a little observance and some self-discipline you too can become immune to all of the verbal weapons your enemies may wield.

How much control do you give away?

People say, the most important thing in the world is freedom, especially people that do not have it. But here, in the land of the free, we tend to give up most of that freedom to other people. Now I'm not talking about some of our laws being too prohibitive, because we actually do need laws to help govern ourselves. And if we did not have them, things would be absolute chaos.

No, what I am talking about is peer pressure due to public opinion. It is quite natural to want to be liked. What is not natural is allowing the fear of not being liked to make your decisions for you. But, we as a people, do it all the time.

We rush out to buy all the latest fashion trends and learn the lingo of our peer groups just so we can  be accepted. We say it's because we like those things that we assimilate them into our life. The truth is we see that other people think they are cool and we want to be cool, so we do them.

Do you realize that every single time you do that, you are allowing someone else to control what you do? You are not making a decision for yourself. You are letting others decide for you. We do this without thinking about what we want or what we would like. We just clone what other people are doing.

I have a friend who is a rather extreme example of this. It's not what you think though. He doesn't follow all the latest trends and listen to the cool hip music. Nope. He's decided that he is all about originality and being different from the masses. Anything cool and popular, he automatically chooses the polar opposite of. He will actually go out of his way to avoid doing something that he has heard is popular.

So if the cool in thing was to wear a black shirt with thin white stripes, he would wear a white shirt with thin black stripes. That's cool and awesome right? He's being his own person and not letting anyone tell him how to dress!

Being a nonconformist does not make one original. It just changes the criterion used to let other people control you. One could actually prevent my friend from doing something that he would really enjoy doing, just by making it popular.

Also, different styles and trends fit each person's inner self in different ways. IF you want to be truly free, stop letting other people tell you what is cool and what is not. Sample a variety of different ways of being and find the one that works for you. As new ideas and styles come out, test them and incorporate the ones that are really part of who you are and leave the rest by the wayside.

The odds are that a lot of your choices will still fit within a specific niche, but the ways in which you are different from the epitome of that style will show your originality and ability for free thinking. You can be cool and unique at the same time.

Responsibility. What is it?pt2

So the last post was an example of how differently two people can react to the same circumstances.

The victim has no control. He has no idea what is out there or what is coming at him next. all he can do is react. So that's all he does and usually he reacts badly. He knows and really does believe that the world is out to get him. But this really is a ridiculous concept. Imagine the level of conceit that it takes, the massive belief in your own self importance that one must have, in order to believe that everyone else cares enough about you and what you think for them to spend that much time and energy trying to ruin your life. In all honesty strangers generally just don't care enough to even notice you exist much less to put forth any amount of concerted effort to bring you up or down. It just does not happen.

The responsible person though knows that life happens according to a formula. Everything that he says does thinks or doesn't say do or think sets something into motion. All of the things that happen are as a result of these actions or inactions. The responsible person knows that rain doesn't happen to him. Rain just happens. The police officer didn't wake up this morning and decide he was writing the responsible guy a ticket. The police officer didn't even know this guy existed until he started speeding. The responsible guy knows that he is the source of the ticket. He has no reason to blame the officer. The officer is just doing his job. If you don't speed, then you don't get a ticket for speeding. If you don't speed you don't have to sit by the side of the road and wait for the officer to write you a ticket for the speeding that you did.

Now for another example. Let's say that on your way to work today you get into a car accident. While you may not have generated the crash itself, you are responsible for being one of the people involved in the accident. If you had stayed home today, you would not have gotten into a car accident. Okay so what if you had stayed home?  Yay! No accident for you. But, at work, a coworker who has less knowledge than you in  whatever your particular area of expertise is, had to make a judgment call because you were not there. And their judgment call ended up costing the company money instead of making it money. You are just as responsible for the money lost as you would have been for the accident.  You are directly responsible for the actions that you take and the actions that get taken in your absence.

Victims say"well i can't control how long it takes me to get to work in the morning"  The responsible person knows that is just not true. But it does require effort. You can control whether or not you get to work on time, you just need to do your homework first. You can drive to and from the location that you work multiple times to get a good feel for how long of a drive it is. You can do research to determine on average how much delay there will be under various traffic and weather patterns and determine how early to leave based on this information.

The victim is usually whiny, complaining, frustrated and out of control. The responsible person is usually calm, relaxed,happy and in control of their circumstances. Which would you rather be?

Responsibility is about owning up to the fact that you are the author of, the source of and the creator of everything in your life. Even the stuff you do not like. You either create, promote or allow everything that happens you. The simple fact of the matter is that every choice leads to a consequence. And while you may not realize right away which choices lead to which consequences, it is true that if you made a different choice a different consequence would occur.

You can be a victim and let things happen to you. OR you can be responsible and make things happen. It's your choice.

You ARE God pt3

Now let's add a new twist to the abusive relationship story. The woman may not mind so much that she is not being treated right. But what happens when her child, whom she loves more than anything else in this world, becomes the target of her significant other's violence? Suddenly a switch flips in her brain and she goes from being a meek subservient mouse like little woman to an awesomely terrifying, aggressive, rage filled wolverine, willing to kill and or die to protect her young. One way or another, that relationship is over, that very minute.

But what actually happened? She decided that what she was getting out of the relationship was worth the abuse continuing, all the way up until the moment where her child was in imminent danger. At that instant it was no longer worth it to her. And in that instant she took her power back and chose a new destiny. And truth be told she will probably end up in the same kind of relationship again, because people tend to follow the same patterns for most of their life. And as long as the next abusive mate does not threaten her child they will probably not get to meet the wolverine within her.

What if, though, she decides not to let other people abuse her anymore? What if she decides to take back her personal power in all aspects of her life and to control her destiny through every choice she makes and to stop letting life and others in her life make choices for her?  It sounds crazy right? Control your own destiny? How can anyone possibly do that? Well let's take a look.

Some things are easier to control than others. However, I say that each specific facet of your life can be controlled. Though you will probably decide it is not worth the effort in some cases. And taking control of some aspects makes it difficult to control others.

Suppose you decide that you do not ever want to get hit by a bus. How can you control that? Simple. Move to the fourth floor of an office or apartment building and never leave it for any reason. This will drop your chances from one in thousands to one in probably billions or trillions. But is it feasible to do? Not really, not if you intend to be a normal productive member of society. But it IS possible. Or if you don't want to get a virus on your computer, don't ever connect to a network,don't install any new software, never use external drives and never let anyone else use your computer. Again possible but not feasible.

Also, these things are not exactly what I mean when I say control your destiny. They are a part of it but not the meat of it. I mean control how other people treat you by making them fully aware of what is and is not an acceptable way of treating you. When and if they step over the line, politely but firmly put them back on the other side of it. And if they continually step over the line, warn them first and then if they still persist in mistreating you, cut them off from your life, no matter who they are.

Each and every single person on this planet is a beautiful, amazingly powerful, awesome creature that is worthy of a great and deep respect. But, it is no one's job but your own to stand up and demand that respect. You do not have to be a jerk about it, but if you want people to take you seriously you really do have to be firm about it. It needs to be clear and in no uncertain terms. I can say without an ounce of arrogance or conceit that I am awesome and powerful and that being able to spend a moment in my presence is a gift that I do not share with everyone. If you want to continue to be able to enjoy that gift, you will treat me with proper respect. If you do not, we will part ways. It need not be in anger, no mud slinging has to occur, just parting. And I firmly believe that each and every person on the planet should have this attitude. We are all worth it.