Who has the right to complain?

At one time or another pretty much everyone does it. Some part of life turns out differently than you'd like it to and you b&#ch up a storm. You disagree with some store policy or other that ends up costing you money because you weren't aware of how things worked. Everyone does it from time to time and that's fine.

The kind of thing that drives us really nuts though is the person who is constantly complaining, the guy or gal you just want to slap and tell to shut the heck up. Well, technically, according to what I believe, you can. Alright so maybe the violence part might not be a good idea, but...

Anyways. If a person isn't part of the solution they are part of the problem. Since complaining, by definition, is not a positive action that is likely to engender any useful form of change, it and the people that do it are just contributing to whatever it is that they are unhappy about.

As an example, I greatly dislike the way politics work in our country. I feel that our system is broken and bloated and needs to be destroyed and a new system made from the ashes of the old. There are good points but they are so few and far between that they are not even enough to build a good framework for the new system.

However, I don't see any real direct way that I could make things better. So, I don't take part in the politics of this country. I do what is legally necessary and that is that. Other than that, I pretty much stay away from politics. And normally unless directly asked, I keep my opinions to myself. Unlike many other people I know, I don't complain about all of the things that are wrong with the system. Again there's a lot stuff I don't like about how our country is run, but I don't bring others down by whining about it.

To be clear, stating that a thing is broken or doesn't work for all involved is not a complaint. Whining about how unfair it is to you or how much trouble it causes for you personally is complaining. Complaining is always a drain on you and those around you. It is never empowering. And aside from that there's a more productive use of that energy. Instead of complaining, think about what it is that you are really unhappy with in the situation and spend all that energy coming up with solutions that create a win for all involved. See, if you don't have a solution to the problem, one that works for everyone involved, or at least the people you are talking to, nobody cares about how it doesn't work for you.

In my (not always) humble opinion, I believe there are two categories of people that have the right to complain. The first is people that are unhappy with a situation and have come up with solutions that work for all involved but nobody is willing to work with them on implementing them.

And the second is people that are unhappy with a circumstance, have come up with solutions and are in the process of fixing things.Usually though these people are so busy rallying others to their cause that they don't have the time or energy to complain.

In essence, the people that are doing their absolute best at working towards making things better are the only ones that have any right to complain about a given situation and ironically, they are the ones that almost never do.

So the next time, that guy or gal comes along, you know the one. Tell them to put or shut up. Ask them what their solution to the problem is. And if they have one, why haven't they gotten it implemented yet?

Are you the solution?

My step dad always used to say, you are either part of the problem or you are part of the solution. When I was kid, for some reason I always took that to mean that if you are not actively working to solve a problem then you had no right to complain about whatever it was.  As an adult I see a huge disconnect there and have no idea where I was coming from. I don't recall clearly why he said it all the time. It's possible that he only said it when I was complaining about something.  What he was actually saying is there are two possibilities when it comes to problems, you are either actively solving them, or you are creating them.

I have changed a lot mentally since I was a kid. I know that I used to be a victim of the things my stepdad said and did.  I remember specific thoughts that I used to have about hatred and patricide. But it has been so long since I thought that way that I do not remember my overall mindset.  I can see though how I created a lot of the problems that were in my life then and how I avoid them now. As a kid, it wasn't my job to be the one actively solving problems, that's what parents are for isn't it? Yes and no. It is their job to teach us while we are growing up how to solve problems so that when we become adults we can handle whatever the world throws our way. So many parents nowadays do not really teach their kids any good habits at all, much less how to solve problems.

But think about it. In how many areas of your life are you constantly whining and complaining about something instead of taking positive action to change the things that you do not like? In your job? Your family?Your friendships? Your community?

We as a people, have a tendency to complain to other people about our problems but never really do anything about it. If you don't like the way your government is run the tendency is to not take part and avoid getting involved, which contributes to it staying the same or getting worse. If you want it to be different, make it different. Find other like minded voices in your community and be a stand for change. Or maybe even run for office and take a more direct hand in molding your government the way you think it should be.  If there are things you do not like in your marriage, take action. Talk to your spouse about whatever it is that isn't working for you in a mature responsible way, with no finger pointing or accusations, just a simple summation of the facts. Define what it is that is not working for you and how you would like to see it change. Don't like how things are going at work? Find time to discuss the issues with your boss and see if things can be handled amicably at your job. If not find a new job.

Something to think about. How much time do you spend complaining to your friends about how badly your life sucks? That is what your friends are there for right? They are there so you can complain about how bad you have it? No, not really. They may be willing to listen but I can tell you for sure they are not looking forward to all the depressing things that you are constantly unloading on them.

If you are not actively working to improve your life, other people are not interested in hearing about the parts that you do not like.Don't bitch about what is going on and don't suffer in silence. Change it.

If you are actively working to improve your life, then there is nothing to complain about. Your conversation automatically becomes more motivational and uplifting. You tell people what is going on and what you are doing to make it better and often times that will spark an interest in the listener as they hear something in what you say that may give them an idea about how to improve their own lives.

I used to be part of the problem, but now I am part of the solution.