Suffer or Speak?

How many times has someone, your spouse, a parent or some other loved one cooked you a truly mediocre meal and when asked for feedback you said it was good? I mean you have to right? You do not want to hurt their feelings.  Alright, so you tell them it's okay and then quickly change the subject to talk about something else, thinking you've dodged a bullet.

But then what happens? Time passes and they make the same meal again. Now when they ask, you have to again say it was good, even though it really was not. It creates kind of this catch-22 because if you speak up now about how you did not like the food, they wonder if you are lying now or if you were lying the last time. Regardless of which you tell them is true they are not going to believe you because you lied about it. And, chances are they will not believe anything you say in the future either. So, to avoid the explosion that will follow, you have to suffer in silence about it forever. Each time they make this meal for you, they think they are doing something nice and showing how much they care about you. And each time you eat it you enjoy it less and less.

What seemed like a little white lie in the beginning may actually be instrumental in destroying your relationship with that person. I know that might seem ridiculous, but it can and does happen. And here is why. This kind of thing is like a gateway to lying about other things that you do not like but are afraid to admit. Honey? What do you think about this perfume? This lingerie? My parents? Does this dress make me look fat? Each one seems so innocuous but soon you have this whole avalanche of little white lies that can easily come crashing down and destroy your relationship.

You felt in the beginning that you were avoiding an issue by being quiet and by keeping the truth to yourself. But in reality, every time you do this you are doing harm to both yourself and the other person involved. The only possible way to avoid this is to be honest in the first place. Now that does not mean you should tell them in no uncertain terms how crappy their food was. That would upset nearly anybody. But, if you do your best to be as diplomatic as possible, about the circumstance, pointing out the things that you liked and did not like and what you think could have been done to make it better and the other person chooses to take offense, there is nothing further you can do about it. They asked you for your feedback. If they are not prepared for an honest answer they should not ask.

If you have already made this mistake of lying to cover up how you really feel about something food or otherwise, man up, suffer the consequences of telling the truth about it and commit to being honest about such things in the future. You can not change the past. But you can make it so that you do not have to lie about how you feel in the future.