Selfless?

One of the most important lessons that a person can learn is that they need to see to their own needs before seeing to the needs of others.  Is this selfish? Yes. It is. But it is the way things should be.

Why do I say this? After all, the common viewpoint is that there is no greater thing a person can do than to be in service to others. I believe this point of view wholeheartedly. But the fact of the matter is, if you die, you lose your ability to directly do anything for others.

This is why they tell you in the emergency instructions on an airplane to put the breathing mask on yourself first and then see to those of your children and other loved ones. If you perish trying to save your loved ones then you can no longer do anything for them. The fact of the matter is people go unconscious from lack of oxygen before they die of it.  If they go unconscious while you are putting your mask on there is a very good chance that you will still have time to get them oxygen before they die. IF on the other hand you decide to save them first, you may end up unconscious before you can save yourself. AND your child may not be able to save you because they may not understand how the mask works.

In the first situation there is a good chance that you will both survive. In the second there is a good chance that both of you will die, because once you perish you cannot control what happens in your child's life anymore.

Now this specific situation isn't likely to happen to you during your lifetime. But I have found that when situations get complicated and difficult to sort out it often helps to take things to their furthest logical conclusion.

Notice, in the beginning, that I did not say people should not look out for the needs of others. I simply said they should see to their own first.I have found that most people think and believe that they are for the most part selfless and do things for other people. But when push comes to shove the facade evaporates and you see that most people really are out for themselves. They just are not willing to publicly admit it unless forced to.

You want to be selfless and up until a certain point that is possible. Under circumstances of extreme pain whether physical or emotional the desire to survive tends to trump all other goals. If this were not the case, people would not break under torture. And it is often why relationships end. The level of pain escalates to the point where self preservation becomes more important than whatever you get out of the relationship. Nothing is more important than avoiding the destruction of mental faculties that will occur if things continue. When you are comfortable and pain free you can talk all day about how you want to be in service to others and how important it is to be able to take care of your loved ones. But if someone douses you in gasoline and sets you on fire, figuratively or literally, the only thing on your mind is going to be making the pain stop. Once the fire is out and you have recovered you can go back to focusing on others. But until then look out for number one. OR there won't be a number one.