Are you on the same level?

Have you ever found yourself getting deeply into a discussion about something that you are very passionate about and realizing about half way in that everyone around you is just kind of staring blankly at you because they have no idea what it is that you are talking about?

This kind of thing used to happen to me all the time. And what was worse, I had no idea why they were lost. It seemed to me that the things that I was talking about were often not that complicated. I mean sure they were based on something that was based on something that was based on something. But if you knew and were familiar with those three somethings, then the thing that I was talking about seemed self evident. Okay, so maybe it was kind of complicated.

Even though I knew it subconsciously, it took me a long time to realize that we all have different experiences in life that make us who we are. Every single thing that happens to us helps us to form a frame of reference for what goes on in our life. Every single person's frame of reference is different. And if your frame of reference does not include similar experiences to the person that you are talking to, when you get into certain topics you are sure to lose them. Even now, I need to be reminded of this from time to time.

There are two basic ways to prevent this. The first is to ask questions to determine the other person's overall general knowledge of the subject that you want to discuss. That way you can tailor what you say and how you say it to the specific level of knowledge that the person you are speaking to happens to have. Depending on the person this could be quite a long onerous process.If the other person has partial knowledge of what it is that you want to discuss, this is usually the better way.

The other way is to assume that the person is a completely blank slate and has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about the topic of which you wish to speak. In this case, you can treat everyone the same. You start at the very beginning and step by step get to the more complicated stuff, once the listener has indicated that they understand and agree with the first part(s). At any point the listener can inform you that they understand the part you are explaining and you can move on to the next point. OR at any point they can ask questions to increase their level of clarity. I prefer this method because I enjoy treating everyone as if they were equals. It usually takes a little longer but I do not have to memorize four or five different ways to explain a thing. If you properly explain all of the steps leading up to a thing, when you finally get to your point, that point will seem natural and self evident.

Doing either of these things may seem like a hassle but if you want people to be into the kinds of things that you are passionate about then you are going to need to be able to talk to them about those things without them constantly looking at you like you just grew another head. That way you can share the things you love with the people you love and you can grow and enjoy life together. And isn't that really what we all want?