How do you show up?

This morning, I went out to a local fast food establishment to pick up some breakfast. I got in the line and there were three other people ahead of me and one guy kind of off to the side standing in front of a different register.  Only one register was open though, so at first I wasn't really sure what he was doing. The employee took the payment from the person at the front of the line and then proceeded to help the next person.  Well the guy standing off to the side flips out and starts demanding service and complaining about how the cashier kept ignoring him. She politely suggested that if he were in the line he would have been helped already. So he starts yelling at her and saying he can't read the menu, he doesn't know what he wants and he was trying to read the menu but he couldn't.  So, she steps away from her register and walks over to him and nicely as possible attempts to get him to tell her what he wants. She names several of the menu items and their prices and he picks one. But the whole time he is very loudly complaining about the service and how he can't see and it's not his fault and why does everyone have to be an a##hole to him. He is making this drag out a whole lot longer than it needs to be. One of the other customers in front of him finally can not take it anymore and asks him to just shut up and pay so everyone else can be served. What does the troublemaker guy do? He starts calling this other guy names and challenging him to fight. The guy who spoke up has had enough and decides to leave. The angry complainer guy goes outside thinking they are going to fight. He comes back in a minute or so later trash talking and going on about how bad he is. A couple of moments later he gets his food and leaves.

Now, I know from listening to this guy and seeing his body language that he is angry at the world, he's frustrated and sad and believes that life has dealt him a crappy hand. But, most of his aggressive posturing slid off of me like water off a duck's behind. That kind of stuff doesn't make me angry. It just makes me pity the guy. If he knew that, I am sure it would make him even angrier. What he wants is to be treated with respect and dignity. The problem is he doesn't recognize it when it is happening. He is too stuck in suffering mode.

There is a huge disconnect here. There is the way he perceives himself and wants other people to perceive him. And then there is the way people actually perceive him. It seems that he thinks of himself as confident, powerful and righteous. Others seemed to think he was pathetic, arrogant and slightly insane.

How do other people think of you? If there is a disconnect between how you want to be perceived and how people actually perceive you, there is a good chance you don't know it. Try talking to the people in your life that matter to you. Ask them how they see you. Then tell them how you want to be seen.  Don't get upset if the way you see yourself is different from how other people see you. If there is a difference it is because of something that you are or are not doing that is getting in the way. If the two do not match up figure out why and see what you can do to change it.