Responsibility. What is it?pt1

When things happen in life there are two ways the events can be processed in your mind. One way is that these things happen to you. The other is that they happen because of you.

The first is called the victim point of view or victim stance. It is the one that most of the world subscribes to. It is the belief that all these things happen to you and that you have no control over any of it. The victim leaves his house for work in the morning and starts cursing because as soon as he gets out the door he realizes that it is raining. All the way to work he is fuming because the rain is making it hard to see so other people are driving slower.  He is worried about being late so he tries to speed to make up for the poor conditions. A police officer sees him speeding, stops him and writes him a ticket. The officer goes on his way and now the victim is frustrated and cursing about how the police officer made him even later to work. Eventually he does get to work and nothing else really goes wrong but he has a terrible day all the same because of how angry he is that the rain and the police officer made him late.

The other point of view is the responsible viewpoint or the responsible stance. The responsible guy checks the weather report the night before and knows that it is likely to be raining on the way to work. He sets his alarm a few minutes earlier to compensate for the delay that the rain will likely cause. About half way to work he realizes that the rain is coming down so hard that he is still going to be late to work. So he also tries a bit of speeding to make up a little extra time. He also ends up with a ticket for his efforts making him even later to work. Unlike the victim though, the responsible guy still has a pretty good day. Why is that?

Well it all has to do with blame. When you ask the victim what happened he'll tell you about how it was just awful. I mean first it was raining on him when he left for work. And he'll say it as if the rain was specifically targeting him. Then he will go on to tell you about how all the other people were making him later by driving slow. And that when he did try something proactive (speeding) he got punished for that too(the ticket). He tried to slip in unnoticed when he got to work. He got caught sneaking in and got reprimanded for that. He will seriously paint this tale about how the whole world was out to get him and that there was nothing he could do about it. He's depressed angry and frustrated about every little detail. The victim blames everyone but himself.

The responsible guy strolls in twenty minutes late to work he's bright and cheerful. His boss asks why he's late and gets a completely different story than the victim gave. Mr. Responsible says "First, I apologize for being late.  I knew it was going to be raining this morning so I left a little early. As it turns out I failed to anticipate just how bad of a delay the rain would cause. I should have left even earlier. I started doing a few miles over the speed limit to attempt to offset the amount that the rain had put me behind and shortly thereafter a police officer showed up to remind me that I was breaking another commitment, by speeding.  The officer stopping me and writing me a ticket in the rain took about twenty additional minutes. I should have just kept pace with the rest of the herd. In the future when I know it is going to be raining during my morning drive, I will leave my house even earlier, to be sure that I am not late for work. " This guys isn't blaming anyone or anything. His boss, seeing his mature responsible attitude does not see the need to write him up or even mention company policy about tardiness. The responsible guy has shown that he knows and understands what is expected of him. He also followed the correct procedure for breaking his commitment to be on time. He acknowledged his lateness and it's cause. He apologized for it and he set a future expectation for similar circumstances.

Come back later for part two of, the victim vs responsible stance.