Lack of belief system pt1

If you have been following along for some time now, you probably think I am either pretty smart, enlightened or crazy. Regardless of which one you believe, you are probably correct. And here today, I offer up even more proof to support whichever one you believe.

One of the biggest problems we face in relationships with one another is miscommunication . A person will say something and we will think that we know what it is that they mean. But, most of the time, we actually do not understand what it is that another person says. We just think we do. We take what they say and translate it into something that makes sense within our own belief system. We assume that that thing, that makes sense within our own belief system, is what they meant and we move on. So, we will step away from that conversation and make decisions and choices based on the new information that person gave us. We will build other things we believe on top of that information and make even more choices and decisions. And then we come back into contact with that person and tell them about the things that we have learned based on those choices and decisions and ...hey! Why is that person looking at us like we just grew three new heads? Here is where we realize there is a breakdown. They have no idea what we are talking about.

Where is the breakdown though? What causes the miscommunication? Person A gave us information. We just took in that information and started doing things with it right? So if there is any flaw it has to be with the information itself, making it the fault of person A right? Not exactly.  Person A did provide us with information, that much is true. And we did start using that information to begin making choices and decisions with. But not right away. First, we filtered that information through our belief system, so that it made sense to us. And that is where the problem comes in. When we did that, we changed what they meant into our understanding of what they meant. Quite frequently, this leads to being wrong while still thinking you are right.

So the two sins here are assuming that you know what someone else means and filtering things through your belief system. But what can you do about it? You have to make assumptions, right? And you have to have a belief system don't you? To both of those questions, I say,  no, not really. Uh... what? How is that possible? Well to answer that you really need to understand what both an assumption and a belief system are.

Let's take the assumption first. When you make an assumption you are taking something for granted. You are thinking and acting as if a thing is true, usually without any supporting evidence. You are just accepting that it is true.This is fine if the source of the information is clear and simple or an absolute authority on the subject in question. For example as children we are supposed to accept without question the words of our elders. Another example would be in martial arts a brand new student is supposed to do what they are told without question and to follow in the footsteps of all those who came before. However, in both martial arts and coming of age, there is a time where you are no longer supposed to blindly accept what you are taught. As a black belt you are supposed to question everything. Why does it work this way? Why don't we do it this way instead? What makes this way better than any other way? As an adult the same thing is supposed to happen. Instead you are stuck in this rut, of just accepting whatever new piece of data comes along without question. A decade or two of instruction has ingrained this way of being in you. But you need to break out of it. You should question everything, not in a hostile or aggressive way, but in a way that enables you to understand a thing rather than just accepting it as true.