Broken agreements pt1

Welcome back for our discussion about broken agreements. What is a broken agreement? It is a promise, a commitment,  that has been made but not kept. A person's word was given and then broken. What's the big deal anyways, you can just say sorry and then move on right? Not exactly. It is more complicated than that.

But first, how do things like this happen? What are the reasons for broken commitments? Sometimes, when people make a commitment, they are saying yes with their lips but no with their minds. They are agreeing to what they are being asked but, so strongly do not want to do what they are being asked, that if they were being honest with themselves, they would know they are not going to see it through.  Or they DO know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are not going to keep it. They are just saying whatever it takes to get the other person off their back. Also, as we discussed before, sometimes people make too many commitments. They do actually want to do everything they said they would, it just simply isn't possible.  Another possibility is that the person that made the original commitment may have had a change of heart or circumstance. They may have been committed to making it happen before but no longer feel that way or are no longer capable of making it happen.

Most of the time when agreements are broken, do you know how they are handled? They aren't. That's right. The agreement is simply ignored as if it had never been made.  Well that is not entirely true. On the surface it seems like the agreement is being ignored. See when you make a commitment you and whoever else  are involved are each tying some of your personal energy into seeing that a thing happens. You tell a friend that you will make sure to bring them something special back from your vacation to Italy because they didn't get to go with you. It is a small thing. But you and your friend both have energy tied to that commitment.  If you come back from vacation without that special something that you promised them, your agreement is broken. You realize that you forgot while you were there and you can't change it now, but you feel embarrassed. So you decide not to mention it. Your friend is a little upset that you didn't keep your word, but doesn't want to seem like a nag or someone who is only interested in material possessions. So, they don't say anything either.  But that bit of guilt and embarrassment on your part and hurt on their part is now tied to that circumstance. It is part of each of your personal stores of energy that does not come back to you.

When your commitments are fulfilled, the energy that you have tied to it comes back to you and helps you to be prepared to meet future commitments. When you fail to keep your commitments you have less and less personal energy for future commitments. People that do not keep their commitments tend to have lower energy levels. They give it out but do not get it back. So eventually they can't keep up. They are tired all the time, depressed and unmotivated. Take a minute and think about the people in your life. Look for the pattern I am describing. It is not that hard to see, if you know to look.

Due to the ever changing nature of the world around us and all the people we come in contact with, it is virtually impossible to keep every agreement we make. That is just a fact.  So, how then do you get that energy back? Ignoring the agreement obviously isn't the answer. The trick is in how you handle an agreement once you have come to the realization that it has been or must be broken.

Tomorrow we will talk about the three basic steps to handling a broken agreement in a mature responsible manner that empowers you and those around you.