Ownership pt1

As you probably know by now, I have some pretty unconventional ways of getting things done. My thoughts and actions tend to fly in the face of tradition. My intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings or to make anyone angry. I simply believe that a person should do things in a way that both works and makes sense. And when I look out at the world  I see a great many things that do neither.

Today's topic is probably going to make some of you mad, confuse you, or cause some disagreement. Again that is not my intent, but what is, is.

There is a saying that goes we don't inherit the earth from our fathers, we borrow it from our children. If that is the case then we do not own the land that we live on. We merely guard and take care of it for those who live on it after we do.

It is the concept of ownership that I do not agree with, nor really understand. We have a labeling system in our home for groceries and things like that. A person will put their name on something to indicate that they bought it and that others should not use it.

Although I have made the point several times, others do not seem to understand that I do not mind if they use the items with my name on them. The only reason I put my name on something is because I want someone else to replace that item if they happen to destroy it or use it all up. And that is only due to the fact that I have only a limited quantity of funds to replace said items. If my income was greater, I wouldn't bother to write my name on these things because I could just easily replace them.

The only reason that I do not freely give access to all of my things to other people is fear of loss. I do not want the amount of things to which I have access to decrease. I want to know that a thing that I have purchased will be there for my use when I want it. It is not because I feel any more right to a thing than anyone else. And if a person can show through their way of being that they are willing and able to replace anything that I have purchased that gets damaged or destroyed while they are using it, then that thing is communal property in my eyes.

People place such great emphasis on the things that they have managed to scrape together in this life. They say see my house isn't it grand? My spouse is attractive don't you think? See our new boat/car/record collection/books/whatever it is that people are proud of having?

But the fact of the matter is that you can't take it with you when you die. You come into this world with nothing and you bring nothing with you when you leave it. 

What happens to all those things when you die? Your spouse decides that the house is too big to live alone in so they most likely sell it and move on with their lives. Over time, all the things you collected during your life time get either sold, destroyed or given away to other people.

At best, when you purchase a thing, you are really not obtaining ownership of it. You are renting it and safeguarding it, until it moves on to another person.

In short, I don't buy ownership.

Being an adult

The other night we had some friends over.  And the actions of one led to the damaging of property belonging to the other. The people involved were two different guests who are acquaintances and while not the best of friends, they do generally get along.  It was completely an accident but damage still occurred.

We, the people that own the house, are going to pay for the repairs incurred. Why? Shouldn't the person that took the action that caused the damage be responsible for paying the cost? Yes he should. But ultimately we are responsible for everything that happens under our roof. If we had not invited person A to our home, he would not have been here to damage person B's property. Likewise if person B had not been here, their property would not have been here to damage. We may not have physically done the damage, but we are responsible for setting up the circumstances by which the damage occurred.

I am however somewhat bothered that person A did not at least offer to pay for the damages. He directly took an action that caused the damage and then said he didn't really feel bad about it because he just knocked over an item that should not have been where it was. He is correct that it should not have been there.  But, I just don't get the mind set. If I go to a house belonging to someone else and I knock over or break something, I feel bad about it and immediately offer to make reparations.  It is just common courtesy. Then again, I guess that is just a logical fallacy, that courtesy is at all common.
Part of being a mature responsible adult is owning up to your mistakes and making reparations for any damage caused. If you are not going to take responsibility for what guests do when they are at your home, you should not invite guests into it. And if you are not willing to take responsibility for your actions when you are a guest, you should not be a guest.

We need to have a conversation about this with person A. This is not the first time something like this has happened with this specific person.  In the past he has accidentally damaged something belonging to us and we shrugged it off. This is the first time that he has damaged property belonging to another guest. And the repair may be hundreds of dollars. We can and often will make the choice to shrug off damage done to us. We can not and will not shrug off damage done to the property or self of someone under our care.

He needs to know that we are going to pay for the damage done to our other friend's property because we are fully responsible for anything that happens inside our home. And then he needs to let us know what he intends to do about the fact that he damaged property that was, at least temporarily, under our care. Whether he wants it to be true or not he is fully responsible for every action he takes. If he refuses to accept that responsibility, then perhaps the nature of our relationship with him will need to change. I really do not want to see that happen, but if it must it must.