Hindsight is 20/20

Do you think about the choices that you make and the things that you do? Of course you do, we all do. We want to make the best possible choices that we can. So, we review the facts and weigh our options before making any big decisions. But somehow we still often end up with different results than what we were shooting for. Nobody gets it all right the first time.

Why is that? Sometimes there are options that we don't see when we are putting all of the data together. Or other times people don't act the way we had expected them to. Simply put, we can't possibly know what the best possible option is without knowing every single little detail that could possibly come to play in a given scenario. And since there are so many different variables in every circumstance, that is practically impossible.

Once the moment we are preparing for has passed however, everything is set in stone. It has already happened. Then the choice that we should have made becomes ultra clear. That is the reason for the saying hindsight is 20/20. We can see with perfect clarity of vision exactly what we should have done.

You may say, but what good is that? The moment has passed. And that certainly is true. But we can take the knowledge of that circumstance with us into the future. We can learn from our mistakes. We may not have known what to do in that particular situation, but the results will show what are likely to be the better choices in similar situations in the future.

In the beginning, when we are young, in each individual scenario of our lives, we have no experience. So we just make broad uneducated guesses about what we should do. And in all probability we will fail just as often, if not more often than we succeed.

But over time, using hindsight as a tool, we can and should begin to succeed more and more as we learn to more tightly focus our options. We begin to know with certainty, due to experience, which options are just not going to work and which ones are more likely to.

Each of us does this instinctively, due to an innate desire to fail as little as possible. And some of us are better at it than others. But like any other skill we have, it can be sharpened by repeated intentional use.

My suggestion, challenge, and request of you, is to do more than just instinctively use this tool. I ask that you do it on purpose, daily. Set aside some time. It doesn't really matter when. It can be when you first wake up, during your lunch hour or just before you go to bed. Whenever it is easier for you to take a few minutes, maybe ten at most, and reflect on all the things that have happened in the past twenty four hours.

Think of all the circumstances that you have been in, all the choices that you have made, all the people you have interacted with. Think of the way every event you can think of turned out. Be honest with yourself about your triumphs and your failures. Look at every situation and congratulate yourself on the things that worked. Then ask yourself what things you could have done or said differently in the places and times that you failed.

Make new decisions about how you will handle things in the future based on what you learn from the things that have happened in the last day. Do this every day for two weeks and I guarantee you will see positive results. Make this way of being a habit, a permanent part of your life, and your life will  transform for the better. I guarantee it.

Interrogatives ftw

My son and I were playing in the living room around 2:30 this afternoon when one of the other denizens of the house came out from her room. It was obvious from her appearance that she had just woken up. I offered a bright and cheerful "Good morning!". She mumbled something noncommital, got a drink from the kitchen and went back into the other room. My statement was intended to acknowledge her presence, greet her, indicate that it was nice to see her, share how my day was going to far, wish positive things upon her, and to just be friendly in general.

After she had gone I started to think about the interaction. I am very direct and tend to say exactly what I mean. It is possible,though, that she thought I was being sarcastic. After all it was no longer morning. And if it was no longer morning perhaps the well wishing was not sincere either. Another thought that crossed my mind, was to wonder if she thought I was judging her in some way for only now starting her day when everyone else had already been up for hours.

Sometimes small events like this end up causing enormous problems down the road because you take one thing away from the conversation and the other person takes something completely different out of it. And one or both of you make decisions and choices based on your side of the story that cause you to make things even worse without even really trying to.

I literally only said two words to her and they were meant with the utmost of sincerity and positivity. But if for some reason she took what I said in some other way, then that oh so brief conversation could be the starting point of a downward spiral. The negative implications that she may have gotten from it would then come out in something that she says or does to or about me. And not understanding why she suddenly starts to act in an unfriendly or unfair way towards me, I am likely to react in kind.

But this can easily be prevented and in fact entirely eliminated by making one simple change to your general way of being. If a person is saying something to you or about you that you think is negative or paints you in a negative light, ask questions designed to clarify things. Be sure that someone is being sarcastic before taking what they say as sarcastic. If you feel that you are being judged because of the way someone says something, ask directly if the statement is a judgement or simply a statement. Do not accuse the other person of attacking you or making you look bad, but do not shy away from asking if that is what they are doing either.

We like to think that we know what is going on in each others heads. But, the fact remains that each person is a whole universe unto themselves and no one knows what goes on in the mind of another unless we ask.

Sauce day

I woke up today and decided that I was going to go out and get the supplies to make tomato sauce. Tomorrow night, for dinner, we are having home made marinara sauce, angel hair pasta, meat balls, garlic bread and Italian sausage.

I haven't made this particular meal in a couple of years and around here it's somewhat legendary. It is a fan favorite amongst all who have ever tried it. And I personally love it. But it takes me eighteen hours to three days to make, depending on whether or not I start out with fresh tomatoes instead of canned. So, I almost never go through the effort.

What is funny about that is I am always saying I am gonna make it again soon. And I have tried to talk myself into it several times over the last few months. Not today though. I woke up and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was going shopping and that once I got the supplies, I was setting to work making this awesome food. It kind of a amazes me how this sudden desire came out of the clear blue and I am still wondering about it.

Why now? Why today? What makes it any better or different than any other time? As far as I can tell, there is no real rhyme or reason to it. The closest thing that I can guess is that something in my subconscious just slipped into place today when I woke up and I realized there was no reason not to do this thing that I am always saying that I want to enjoy and share with others again.

I find myself wondering how many other similar things there are in my life. How many times have you found yourself saying that you would like to do a thing and in fact you will...soon...

...And then found yourself months later still saying that thing and not having done it? I am not talking about things that you are prevented from doing by lack of funds or some other circumstance that actually stops you. This particular example is kind of a silly thing. But there really could be things that you want or need to change in your life that would massively improve it. I mean how many things can you think of that there really is no good reason for you not to do yet you still do not do them? How much better would your life be if you just woke up and decided to do those things?

You may have noticed that I do this a lot. A thing will happen to me and then I will look for examples of it in other places in my life. The reason for this is that many areas of our life are just mirrors of each other and things that show up in one aspect often show up in many if not every other aspect. And whenever possible I reflect on new information and do my best to incorporate that information into as many areas of my life as possible. That way each single thing can be used to its utmost efficiency.

I challenge you to do the same and see what kind of positive change it brings you.

Involuntary command

People say leadership takes great skill, but it isn't really true. Not if you know what leadership really is. Another thing that people say is that there are two kinds of people, followers and leaders. And this is not really true either.

Being a leader is about living your life in a way that others wish to emulate it. When you are making choices and decisions that others wish to emulate, they follow you. When others live their lives in a way that you wish to have your life run, you follow them. Being a leader does not require any skill whatsoever. And during the course of your life, as you observe others and others observe you, you will naturally and quite often rapidly shift from being one to being the other.

Great men throughout history were not great because they had legions of worshipful admirers. They were great because the choices that they made and actions that they took resonated positively with those around them.  Jesus, Gandhi, William Wallace, Abraham Lincoln, Alexander the Great, in fact all historical leaders and successful public figures have led their lives in ways that others wanted to be like them. Very few if any ever set out specifically to amass a following. They simply said and did the things that they felt needed saying and doing, and the masses arrived anyway.

And whether you like it or not you are a leader. There are areas of your life in which you are the expert, the "one" that knows and other people will naturally take heed and follow your advice in these areas. There are times that you are probably not even aware of where other people look to you for advice and direction. Even if you do not see yourself as a leader it still happens.  Maybe in the form of a small child not knowing any better following your example of how to tie their shoe or ride a bike. Or perhaps a person seeing how happy you and your spouse are asking for relationship advice. Our experiences in life are all unique. They help make us who we are. And those experiences are tools that enable us to teach others, to literally light their way, when they appear to be lost in darkness.

I used to not want to be a leader. The idea bothered me greatly. I am a simple man and thought it would be better if others would make their own decisions and leave me alone. My desire to be left alone though had no bearing on their desire to be around me and for awhile it was quite frustrating. Over time, I have learned that my experiences with life and the thoughts,decisions and actions that I have made as a result of them, have made me a person that most of the people that I come in contact with want to spend more time around. For awhile I did not know why and people had a hard time verbalizing it. They would say there was just an energy that they liked. I know now, that what they were describing was that I have qualities that they want in their life. And now that I know that, I can focus energy on learning what it is that they like and want to emulate and giving them more and better ideas on how to do so.

Not everyone is going to influence as many people as Jesus or Alexander the Great. But we are all leaders in our own way whether we want to be or not. Embrace your personal power.