A family trip pt2

I could see how ideas and points of view that were expressed decades ago, when I was just a few years old, affected people that had children and grandchildren at the current gathering.

This time I was more towards the middle and having learned a lot more about being open to different ideas, I could really get where each person was coming from whether older or younger than me. Before, I pretty much discarded things that were outside of my paradigm. Now, I look for ways to expand my paradigm by what others say.

Looking at what I learned about the members of my family while spending some time with them, I can see the impact that their thoughts and beliefs have had in shaping a lot of my own, even though many of them were just seeds planted and then left to fend for themselves. I see reflected in all of their hearts and minds great tolerance and understanding.

I can see ideas that my great grandparents and their siblings used to have that affected the choices my grandmother made. I can see things that she said and did that shaped what my mother and her siblings did. I can see things that they have said and done that shaped how me, my brothers and my cousins have and are turning out. And I can see habits and patterns of behavior that we got from them that are shaping the youngest of us.

Though I have spent much time cut off from them, by my own choice, I could not be who I am today if it were not for them. I would like to be able to take credit for many of the fine ideas that I have about who I am and what I want to accomplish. But the simple truth is that the environment and ideas of those who cared for me when I was younger drove me towards the decisions that I make now.

Almost every one of them is either retired from, currently in or working at getting into a service field, something that helps make other people's lives better. A sample of their chosen fields are medicine, social work, corrections and the armed forces. All have a different idea of exactly how to do it. But, each gets fulfillment from being in service to others. Is it any wonder that my goal is to devote a portion of my life to making the world a better place?

I didn't spend all that much time talking. Most of it was spent listening, observing and absorbing. A great deal of life experience happened in a short period of time. There is quite a bit more that I can learn from this short trip that we took, but first I will need to spend more time processing it.


Happy 2014

Tolerance and limits

One of our roommates was planning to be out tonight. It was her night to cook and she asked if I would be willing to cook for her. At first, I was thinking about saying no but did not really have a good reason. So, I agreed to play chef for the evening.

I decided that we would be having home made tacos. While at the store I got all the ingredients that we would need including something that I had been considering trying for awhile. First the meat was seasoned and cooked. Then the cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and onions were all taken care of. Finally, I got out the scotch bonnet peppers we had purchased and began to slice them as finely as I could, seeds and all.

Now it is at this point that the question of tolerance came to my mind. I knew that regardless of how hot the peppers were, that I would be comfortable just mixing them in with the meat. The one person who is not at all fond of spicy food was the one that had asked me to cook due to her intent to not be present. But I had some concerns how the other people eating would fare if I made such a choice for them. So I asked their opinions. All but one person said to make it as spicy as possible. To him I brought a tiny sliver of one of the scotch bonnets. Based on the facial expressions and coughing that ensued, I decided to put the peppers in a bowl on the side rather than mixing them in with the seasoned beef.

His reaction kind of amused me because I had just consumed about five times as much pepper as the amount I had given him and I had no ill effects whatsoever. I rather enjoyed the heated sensation going on within my mouth. It did cause me to think of how pain thresholds differ for different people though. What one person thinks is no big deal another person considers nearly unbearable.

After the food I made tonight, I have reached the conclusion that scotch bonnet peppers are the low end of what I consider to be spicy. And the heat lasts a good ten minutes or so if you do not eat or drink anything else. It was really kind of nice. For me. I can't remember anything else that I have eaten that was spicier. I think i've had jerk sauce that was close to the same. Most foods that other people think are spicy, to me they just are not. So these peppers were like a one or a two on a scale that I hope goes up to at least ten.

Whether it's physical, emotional, or mental pain, we often tell people to man up and just get over it.  We tend to have very little tolerance for what another person's tolerance levels are. But we truly have no idea what that person's level of discomfort is compared to their ability to withstand said pain. What I consider to be a two many other people might consider to be closer to a nine. And while training and discipline may be able to push those limits further back, it is not one's fault where their limits are. It is also not fair to pick on or belittle them for having those limitations. It can be okay to point out the limitations when you see them and offer advice on how to stretch those limits if the other person is interested.

Where a person is, is always the perfect place to be in order to start working towards where they want to be, assuming of course that they are not already where they want to be. And in that case it is still the perfect place for them to be.