Have you achieved perfection?

There is a pattern of behavior that I have noticed among some of the people that I live with. And at first I wasn't sure how to deal with it, so I didn't say anything. I just let it drop.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. A discussion came up about our kitchen. It was mentioned that people have been leaving it in a very messy condition. Nobody wanted to admit that they left a mess but nobody really denied it either. I suggested that others could clean as they go, while cooking, so that when they were finished cooking the kitchen was clean and there was no mess to clean up afterwards.

This has been my personal method for a great number of years. My reasoning for this is because I know that after eating a good meal I don't want to get up and clean. And before I started doing things this way I left more than my fair share of messy kitchens.

The response I got was a general nodding of heads and agreement that it was a good idea. But one of the people who agreed that it was a good idea said "I'm not very good at cleaning as I go" and then meandered off to their room and closed the door, thus ending that part of the conversation. This was not the first time that had happened and was not the only person who has given that response to my suggestion.

So based on this example you can probably see that the pattern is yeah that's a good idea, but I suck at it and then nothing changes. Directly telling people to work on improving the things they are bad at does not work. Much personal experience with repeated failures tells me that this is so.

So what to do? While pondering the nature of change and how we make our choices it occurred to me that we are lucky in that we have the capacity for change. We are not fixed in one way of being with no room for improvement.

What if in response to the that's a good idea but I suck at that conversation, I started talking about machines? I could go on about how it's too bad that a machine, once manufactured, is done. No matter how good or how flawed, it can not change its functions. It can never be any better at what it does than it is at the moment of creation. And in fact over time will only get worse and worse.

But as people, we are truly lucky in that we have the ability to adapt. We can find the things that we like about ourselves and continue doing them. But the things that we do not like, we can change, through time and effort. We can improve as time goes on becoming steadily better and better until we are exactly who and what we want to be.

Then I could ask those around me if they believe that they have achieved perfection. Regardless of whether they say yes or no, the means for fixing the problem at hand becomes readily apparent.

If they say that they believe they are currently their ultimate self, the pinnacle of what they will ever achieve and if I am not satisfied with their opinion of perfection, then I know that I do not want this person to continue to be a part of my daily life.

If on the other hand they admit that their life could do with some changes we can discuss ways in which improvements could be made. I could ask how they prefer the kitchen to be when it is time for them to do their cooking. Most people when given an option choose a clean environment over a dirty one. It could be pointed out if they appreciate walking into a clean orderly kitchen it is only fair to leave it the same way for others and we can then discover what needs to be done to make that happen.

It can be pointed out that just because they have been bad at something in the past, does not mean that they need to continue being bad at it in the future.

That's a good idea but I suck at it, is a much better starting point than an ending point.