Flattery will get you nowhere

According to William James, who is often called the Father of American psychology, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated". Now notice the specific terminology used in that quote. He didn't use want, or desire, or would like to be. He said the craving.

A craving is something deep and primal and it doesn't just go away. This particular one will persist even more than most, clawing away at a person until it is sated or until who and what they are is entirely worn away and the craving is all that remains.

Think about your life and the situations that you are unhappy with within it. Think about your job, your marriage or dating life.Think about the people that you place high value on and the people who have little or no value to you.Who in your life sates craving and who does not? Don't most of the people that you value show appreciation for you? And don't most of the ones you don't value hold back from showing that they appreciate you?

If you do not show your appreciation for those around you, if you do nothing to sate that craving in them, why should they do anything at all for you? The simple answer is they shouldn't and they won't.

But how to turn that around? Does that mean, that all you need to do to get what you want from others is to heap mountains of praise upon them and kiss their butts?

Honestly, that may work for some of the lesser intelligent of your peers but it's really not a good solution. No. For there is a difference between a compliment and flattery. Do you know what it is? The difference is sincerity.

Flattery is mere useless drivel that falls from the lips as flat, as insincere and as false as the intentions of the person speaking them. The only person who can ever mistake flattery for true praise is one who is lying to themselves.

On the other hand, real appreciation given in the form of a heartfelt compliment or sincere word of thanks is just as obvious to all. It sates that craving for appreciation like nothing else ever will.

And as I have talked about before, when you do something for someone else they automatically feel obligated to do something for you, even if you never ask anything of them.

If you want your craving for appreciation to be met, show your appreciation for others.