The thoughts and solutions of crazy people

Do you talk to yourself? Of course you don't. Only scary, crazy homeless people do that. Or probably more accurately, of course you do, you just don't admit it because you don't want people to think you are one of  "those" people.

But have you ever had this problem that you really were struggling to come up with a solution for? Or something that you were just having trouble coming to terms with? What do we do when that happens? When we get lost we tend to look to others for a solution.

So we take some trusted person, be it lover, friend or family member and set aside some time to talk. The other person is all nervous because they are worried about you and what this problem is that you can't solve (but haven't told them anything about up until this point). They aren't even sure that they will be able to help you.

So the conversation begins. You outline the problem, explaining exactly why it is an issue, who it creates hardship for and all of the negative things associated with it. You go into detail about how long this has been going on and what will happen if the problem isn't fixed.

The other person listens for a few minutes, formulates their own opinions and prepares to give you advice. But every time they open up their mouths to speak you rush on with more about the situation, eventually explaining all the possible choices. You weigh the pros and cons of each solution, where they work and where they fail, making the cases both for and against, as if you were defendant and prosecutor all at once. After a very lengthy monologue, you decide what the best possible solution is and resolve to go with that method.

Then what happens?  You thank your confidante for their assistance, promise to talk again soon and send the very flabbergasted and confused person on their way.

They thought they were coming to your aid. They believed the purpose of their visit was to help you solve a problem that you did not see a solution to. And it was. And they did.Sort of.

The other person is just a tool. A sounding board if you will. They aren't really necessary in this process, as long as you are willing to talk to yourself. Out loud. You don't have to do it while wearing rags and in the middle of the street. It could be a fun exercise though :)

See what most people don't realize is that they don't want advice. What they really want is to hear their own thoughts, out loud. What a person thinks may sound perfectly reasonable in ones own head, but when said out loud it suddenly becomes clear that one option is better than all the others.

Don't take this the wrong way. We do need other people in our lives and there is nothing wrong with sharing our experiences with them. And if we truly can not solve our own problems asking others for advice is a great idea. But, we seldom really need the help. Most of the time we have all the information that we need to solve nearly any problem that comes up We just need to be able to sort out our thoughts and prioritize them until the solution rises to the top of the pile of options.