Delete the first impression

What is it about first impressions? They are the tool most commonly used to judge the overall worth of a person. We tend to meet a person and then based on a brief interlude, one where the other person might not even speak, we decide where that person would fit within our life, if at all. How does it happen?

We look at such things as facial expressions, clothing and fashion choices, hair style, body posture, attitude and overall demeanor. If they do speak, we judge their elocution, volume, vocal tone, pitch, accent, grammar, connotation and detonation as well as the content of what they say and how they say it.

All of those things are compared, weighed and measured, against all of the other people we have ever met or heard about. Each of those factors gets set up in our mind as either a positive or a negative and some weigh more heavily than others. We remember experiences with other people that have had similar traits.

Then we commit a crime. Or at least I think it is one. We tend to decide after comparing that person to memories that we have whether or not that person has any value within our life. This is both unfair and harsh.

First of all every person who is not criminally insane has value and can add positively to your life if you are willing to take the time to find out how. Second, have you ever heard the saying don't judge a book by it's cover?

Isn't that exactly what a first impression is? It is just the outside skin of the onion, the very top layer. Often, the facade that people show is nothing like who they really are inside.

Have you ever seen a poster for a movie and seen something about the poster that made you excited to see the movie, but when you actually took the time to see it you were disappointed? The poster was your first impression, seeing the movie was you taking the time to find out the truth.

Or how about pictures? I am sure you've seen pics of a guy or girl who was all dressed up and rocking the night club scene and you think wow they are really something. But when you meet them in person it is often a totally different story.

A first impression works the same way. It is simply a snapshot of that person's life, one single instant, whether it's a couple of minutes or even hours. People have extremes in both directions, good and bad days. It is not one single encounter that really tells you what a person is about. And often, many of the things that you will assume to be true about a person based on that first impression are actually false.

None of us are really qualified to judge the value of another person. We can decide based on their overall traits whether or not we want them to be a part of our life. But it is not something that should be done based on a snapshot, unless the person is obviously violent to themselves or others around them. Each person should be given several chances as we build our database of information about a person and then test that information for accuracy.

Take all of that information that you get from the first impression and set it all aside as a whole stack of maybes. Then we get to ask questions to see if the things that we think are true. Usually some of what we think will be true and some will not. Don't discard information just because it does not match what you originally thought about the person. Modify your beliefs about them based on whatever turns out to be true.

After all, if you made a non favorable first impression, wouldn't you want a chance to clarify the things that went wrong and make up for it? You should give others the same opportunity.