A short discussion on debate

I love a good debate.

Now I am not talking about those ridiculous shams that politicians often put on so that they can ignore the facts while slinging mud at one another. Anyone trying that on a high school debate team would get laughed off stage. Why do we put up with it from our leaders?

What I mean is a real debate, a thing where me and another person each do as much research as we can on a topic, each pick a side and discuss our points at length,verbally sparring, until one or the other concedes to the other's superior knowledge of the subject.

While debating, it never actually matters to me if I am right or wrong. Whether or not I personally believe the piece of the argument that I am upholding is not important either. Sometimes it is even more fun if I do not believe my own argument.The thrill of the game as point and counterpoint are made is all that really matters.

I will continue to present my side of the debate and to give piece after piece of evidence while doing my best to disprove whatever my opponent presents until it no longer possible for one of us.
Bringing faith or my own beliefs into the debate never does anything but put how I feel into the discussion. And once you make it personal you lose the ability to be objective. Your power for true and correct reasoning goes out the window as you struggle to find a way to make what you want to be true to be true.

Having a person disagree with you is a great tool for testing what you think about a particular topic. Without this tool you may not see simple holes in your logic. There is a saying that if you look for proof of a thing, you are sure to find it. Another way of saying this is if you want something to be true you will find a way proving to yourself that it is, whether it really is or not.

In such a circumstance your mind will automatically edit out some detail which would prove it false. You just won't see it or remember it. Whereas a person with no particular attachment to whether a thing is right or wrong will see things more clearly. They are far more likely to see what is actually there rather than what you want to believe is there.

Unfortunately, many of the debates I have been in, in my life, have been things where neither side took time to really prepare. A topic would come up and there would be disagreement over which side was right. Most of these types of debates have turned into heated arguments.

What bothers me about a lot of those discussions that I have been involved in is what happens when it is obvious that the other person is extremely passionate about the topic we are discussing. I have asked simple questions designed to shed a bit more light on what it is that they believe. I have done so in a quiet calm, non patronizing, non threatening tone of voice and quite often they have gotten angry at me.

My intention has been to go from wherever the conversation started, gradually, to the base tenets of their belief on the matter, to get a complete picture of things if you will. Getting a clear look at the whole picture matters to me, because it helps me to understand what the person believes, how and why they believe it and whether or not that belief will work for me.

I find myself capable of putting aside my beliefs and making myself a completely blank slate with no preconceived notions at all. Once this has been accomplished I implore the other person to fully explain their point of view to me. To fill in the canvas so to speak.

But somehow during my line of questioning, the other party often decides that I am attacking them, somehow attempting to tear them down for their beliefs rather than merely attempting to get a better understanding of those beliefs.

It is at this point that the debate(argument) ends and nobody wins.

Are you a good debater? Do you often get angry at the person presenting a differing point of view? How successful are you in separating how you feel about a thing from what you think about that thing?

Impossible resolution

A lot of my time and energy get spent encouraging others, through my actions and words, both written and spoken, to work with others whenever possible.  Teamwork and cooperation are big catch-phrases for me. It is my belief that the greatest works of which mankind is capable are those that happen when we lock arms with others for a common purpose. I believe in being open and vulnerable and encourage others to do the same. I have said that the soft way is nearly always the best way but acknowledged that it does not always work.

So, you might be wondering when I think the hard way is the way to go. Most of the time if you find out what the other person is most concerned about in a given situation a way to work together can be found. Over ninety percent of the time, the calm, peaceful, resourceful, problem solving way will be successful.

Essentially, the hard way is the answer when all other possible avenues have been explored and shut down by the other party in the discussion or negotiation. Sometimes this will take many hours or even days to occur after dozens or possibly hundreds of ideas have come up and been discarded. Sometimes it will happen right away. You will begin a discussion about the issue you have and the other person may tell you in no uncertain terms that they are not willing to work with you to find a solution.

Or you may not even get to the point of a discussion. Take for example a terrorist who has decided that his way of life and mine are mutually exclusive who makes the declaration that he intends to kill all people who live my way of life. I would not attempt a conversation with such a person. Were such a person in front of me, I would deem it my right and my duty to kill him before he killed me or those I care about. Afterwards, I would greatly regret the necessity of the act, but I would not grieve for the death of his point of view.

A person who is unwilling to work with you is telling you that they have no concern whatsoever for your cares or comfort. It matters not to them how much you suffer. When the other person decides that they are unwilling to cooperate no matter what you do, that is the point where it becomes impossible to create a win-win situation. And that is when I see no problem with laying down the law and telling the other person exactly what to expect if they continue to be the source of the issue that you had been hoping to resolve.

Personally, I tend to do my best to avoid people that have that kind of behavior, but I realize it is not always possible, especially if it is a work associate. In a case like that, I would remain polite and civil but keep contact to a minimum while being extra diligent in my efforts to not let the things that person says or does be taken personally.