Change the conversation

So, last time we talked about how resistance is futile. And it really is true. The more energy you put into defending yourself, the more fuel you feed your attackers. Yet how can we be master of our domains and lord and ruler over our lives if we can't "fight back"?

Well, you can, just not directly. If someone is attacking your character and saying or doing things to tarnish your reputation, the simplest easiest thing to do is just ignore it. Whatever attention you focus on denying the things that people say about you just brings more attention to the fact that someone is claiming negative things about you.

People, in general, do not really care about the truth. They are going to believe whatever they want to believe. Bearing this fact in mind, it should come as no surprise that the more people there are that hear a negative thing about you, the more people there are that will believe that thing, no matter how strong your evidence to the contrary is.

If you feel that it is absolutely necessary to respond to the accusations of others it should be something that you state briefly and simply, no complex explanations. Remember people don't care. You either are guilty or you aren't and what you say about it isn't going to change their opinions.

Then move on to more important business. Most of the time that will be enough. Occasionally however, something more is needed. This next bit is something that I learned a long time ago but was reminded of recently, while watching an episode of the hit TV show Mad Men.

The show is about an advertising agency in the 1960's on Madison Avenue in New York. Most of the show is seen from the perspective of legendary ad man Don Draper, who is the ultra charismatic face man for the company. 

Season 3 episode 2 opens up with a meeting the agency is having with some of the guys that are developing the land that will be turned into Madison Square Garden. It comes up in the meeting that there are dozens of articles that have been printed in the New York Times about how terrible this building project is for the community. They go so far as to toe the line of defamation of character, calling the developers all kinds of unsavory things and claiming that they intend harm to both the neighborhood and the country.

Nothing fruitful comes out of that meeting. But later on in the episode Don Draper has a business dinner with one of the developers and he hits upon the perfect solution. He says " If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation." He goes on to point out that there is no reason to respond to the negative things that are being said. Instead he mentions that New York City is in a state of decay and that the Madison Square Garden project can be part of a new beginning for New York.
They decide to move forward by talking about the good instead of focusing on the bad.

That is a lesson that I think more people should learn. Regardless of how good or bad of a person you are, people are going to say and think bad things about you. But, if at every possible opportunity you change the conversation to something good (and true) then the people that want to believe good things about you will. And you really can't do anything about the others anyway.