Winning

My son has this habit that he has started recently. The first time I saw/heard it, I thought it was kind of cute. First, he gets this great big grin on his face. Then he does this kind of dance where he wiggles his butt and and his shoulders and shouts out "I WIN!"

If it stopped there, I wouldn't feel that saying something was necessary. But he usually repeats himself a couple of time and then follows it up with "you lose! haha" I am sure that this isn't something that he came up with on his own. And I am sure that it came from watching someone else, someone who is old enough that they should know better than to act that way.

What's the big deal you say? I should just be happy that my son is celebrating a win right? Again, if he was just doing the first part, I wouldn't mind. But he is also celebrating the fact that the other person is losing. He is practically rubbing their nose in it. And that is not okay.

Life is filled with winners and losers. But it doesn't have to be because losing is about perception. If someone wins a tournament but gets no enjoyment out of it have they really won? If someone comes in second  or even twenty second place but had a great time testing their skills against others, had fun playing the game and improved their skill set along the way are they really a loser?

When we compete against others there is only going to be one person that comes in first place. But that doesn't mean that person is better than everyone else at that thing. It just means that they happened to do better on that particular day. Maybe the guy who is the best was sick that day and couldn't compete. Or through some unfortunate fluke he got knocked out of the competition early.

As I said before, when my son does this little dance it is really cute. He is fully in the moment and enjoying his success. But as a three year old he doesn't realize that he is making fun of the other people that he beat. The problem with letting him continue this habit is that most of what we think is right and wrong, most of what we are ever going to learn about what is or is not acceptable behavior happens between the ages of three and eight. If he continues to do this now he will most likely do it when he is older.

One of the keys to being successful and well liked is to win as often as possible and at the same time to do your best to make sure others don't lose. Sure, you might have come out on top, this time. But a whole lot of the other people did a great job as well. They may have done even better than you in some ways, just not in all of the ways that were being judged. 

A true champion, a successful person, a winner does, their best to create circumstances where everyone wins and nobody loses. Minimize the difference between winning and losing. Share the victory. Celebrate your win. Just don't bring others down while you do it.