One of my roommates, who also happens to be one of my best friends in this world made a somewhat melancholy post in his live journal recently about bonds between people. After some thinking, I decided to post a few words of my own about bonds and family as well. His original post is available by clicking here.
It seems that around this time of year we are all reminded, often subconsciously, of the bonds that most of us have with family. Every year around the holidays, I plan to stay home and eat a big meal, often one which I do most of the work involved in preparing. I would very much like it if my "chosen" family would be here but nearly all of them make plans with blood relatives.
We went out of our way to form strong bonds with one another. But for most, those bonds are easily swept aside by a need to spend time with people they are legally related to. Why don't those people come to our house and have dinner, say a bunch of superficial stuff that they probably don't mean and then go home? Or come over get drunk and say a bunch of mean things that they really do mean and then flee like the hounds of hell are chasing them? That seems to be how most families operate. And why do the young people have to go to the older people's homes? Why can't all of our families come see what this family has built?
My friend says he thinks that the family bond is a way of being a victim or at least of being absolved of the responsibility of whatever happens. Maybe that's why my bond with the people I am actually related to is not that strong and my bond with the people that I chose is stronger. I don't buy into that victim mentality.
Though I can see the perspective. There is likely to be guilt or at the very least excuses either way when multiple people want your company at the same time and they are not inclined to all meet up in the same place. People have to make a choice somehow. So they say well they are my family, I am kinda obligated, you understand right? Actually I don't.
The thing about it is, its a lie. While it is true that you do not get to pick your parents or siblings or any other blood relative, you do get to pick how strong the bond between you is. And it is just a cop out or excuse to say that you want to spend time with one group of people if you go and actually spend your time with another group.
It is true that those with whom we form strong bonds are people that we trust more than others. We relax around them and let down our guard. But when push comes to shove, most people still choose family over the people that have actually shown themselves to be trustworthy. The saying blood is thicker than water is thrown around to say family is always going to win out, that there is no competition.
Well good luck with that. The more blood calls to blood the more ham,turkey and mashed potatoes there will be for us here in our home.
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