Interrogatives ftw

My son and I were playing in the living room around 2:30 this afternoon when one of the other denizens of the house came out from her room. It was obvious from her appearance that she had just woken up. I offered a bright and cheerful "Good morning!". She mumbled something noncommital, got a drink from the kitchen and went back into the other room. My statement was intended to acknowledge her presence, greet her, indicate that it was nice to see her, share how my day was going to far, wish positive things upon her, and to just be friendly in general.

After she had gone I started to think about the interaction. I am very direct and tend to say exactly what I mean. It is possible,though, that she thought I was being sarcastic. After all it was no longer morning. And if it was no longer morning perhaps the well wishing was not sincere either. Another thought that crossed my mind, was to wonder if she thought I was judging her in some way for only now starting her day when everyone else had already been up for hours.

Sometimes small events like this end up causing enormous problems down the road because you take one thing away from the conversation and the other person takes something completely different out of it. And one or both of you make decisions and choices based on your side of the story that cause you to make things even worse without even really trying to.

I literally only said two words to her and they were meant with the utmost of sincerity and positivity. But if for some reason she took what I said in some other way, then that oh so brief conversation could be the starting point of a downward spiral. The negative implications that she may have gotten from it would then come out in something that she says or does to or about me. And not understanding why she suddenly starts to act in an unfriendly or unfair way towards me, I am likely to react in kind.

But this can easily be prevented and in fact entirely eliminated by making one simple change to your general way of being. If a person is saying something to you or about you that you think is negative or paints you in a negative light, ask questions designed to clarify things. Be sure that someone is being sarcastic before taking what they say as sarcastic. If you feel that you are being judged because of the way someone says something, ask directly if the statement is a judgement or simply a statement. Do not accuse the other person of attacking you or making you look bad, but do not shy away from asking if that is what they are doing either.

We like to think that we know what is going on in each others heads. But, the fact remains that each person is a whole universe unto themselves and no one knows what goes on in the mind of another unless we ask.